Disorderly Behaviour
by BendablePoseable
Summary: Lucas is suffering from severe writers block. When he runs into a familiar face will he be able to stop her on the distructive path she's on and rekindle their once romantic relationship?Warning strong language
1. Chapter 1

Ten fucking thirty. I'd intended to just make a quick appearance and then leave but it'd taken me over two hours to escape the book signing. I'd finally sneaked out the back entrance and stuck a cigarette in my mouth, inhaling greedily. One book and a year later my career had taken off but somewhere along the line I'd gotten lost and was suffering from a severe case of writers block and in the mean time was having to endure whatever my editor had set up for me.

I parked myself on the first bench I came across, at last some fucking peace. If there's one thing I'd learnt over the past few years- I definitely didn't like being in the public eye. I liked to be by myself but I'd not had much alone time recently. Actually it was quite the opposite, with all these book signings and public appearances I'd been thrown into the lime light and with each passing day the publics interest in me and my private life only seemed to grow. Fuck knows why, I mean I'm no Brad Pitt. I stubbed my ciggy out on the arm of the bench, earning myself a disapproving look from a snobby passer by. I sighed, resigning to watching the cars go by. I didn't know how much time had gone by but I was suddenly pulled from my trance when a car halted a little way down the street, stopping in front of a figure leaning up against the wall. I did a double take, squinting as I tried to get a better look at her.

It couldn't- what were the chances- was it? It couldn't be. My eyes inadvertently travelled up and down her sleek body. A leather jacket hugged her slim build and a short mini skirt hung from her tiny waist. My eyes fell to her long legs, fuck I loved her legs. She sauntered over to the car, flirtatiously flicking her curls as she bent over, leaning through the window. She tilted her head a little, giving me a better view of her face. It had to be her. Shit if it wasn't she had a twin sister. A forced smile graced her perfect lips as she spoke. Christ I'd give anything to hear her sweet voice, I had to get closer, I had to know if it really was her. I stuffed my suddenly sweaty hands in my jacket pockets and got up, sheepishly making my way toward her.

'Peyton? Peyton Sawyer?' I grinned goofily- I couldn't believe it, it was actually her. Her head darted up so quickly at the sound of my voice, she managed to knock it on the car door.

'Shit' She cursed loudly, rubbing her head as she stumbled backward.

'I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you' Great- good going, you haven't seen the girl in five years and you manage to give her concussion before you've even said hi. 'Are you alright?'

'I'm fine' She snapped.

She looked at me blankly, her eyes void of emotion. Christ, it hadn't been that fucking long, I didn't look that different, did she really not recognize me?

'Lucas Scott?' I prompted, raising my eyebrows expectantly but still she showed no recollection, shifting uncomfortably in front of me.

'Are you getting in or what?' The guy she'd been talking to asked impatiently through the car window- causing her to tear her attention away from me. I looked her up and down. God she still looked so fucking beautiful. I gazed at her with my mouth hanging open like a freaking dog as she conscientiously scraped an unruly curl behind her ear. 'Look I haven't got all night here, my wife's expecting me home' She briefly glanced back at me causing me to snap my gaping mouth shut. Crap- if she hadn't thought I was weird before she definitely did now. 'What's the deal, get in' I looked at the irritated tosser and back at her confusedly before it suddenly dawned on me what was going on. Swallowing thickly, my eyes widened in disbelief. Shit.

The second she saw me tense up she abruptly turned on her heels and walked off as quick as her restrictive, black leather boots would allow her.

'Fucking Bitch' The twat shouted before swerving his ridiculously expensive car off. I watched after her, my feet glued to the ground. She was a fucking hooker?

'Peyton!' I shouted desperately. Finally finding my feet I impulsively ran off after her. She quickened her pace at my frantic yell. What the fuck was I doing- running round New York city after a fucking high school girlfriend that I hadn't seen in five years. I finally managed to close the gap between us and reached for her arm. 'Peyton wait' I mumbled breathlessly, shit I really need to start exercising again. I blinked a few times as I tried to catch my breath.

'Let go or I'll scream' She growled, her eyes narrowed angrily. I frowned, I just ran down the fucking road after her and she speaks to me like that, she could show a little fucking respect. My eyes fell to her pursed lips and my anger soon vanished. I don't know how many times I'd seen that defiant, stubborn expression when we were dating. I felt a small smile tug at my lips as I anticipated her next words. 'I mean it- I'll scream' She warned, my smirk only fuelling her anger. I loosened my grip but didn't completely let go of her arm.

'Please, let me buy you a coffee'

She swallowed and shook her head, her tough demeanour quickly crumbling. 'I can't, I've got to be somewhere' She closed her eyes and exhaled heavily.

'Please, one drink. Hey I'll even buy' I flashed her the good old Lucas Scott smile that's yet to fail me.

I reluctantly allowed her to pull her wrist from my hold and watched her cross her arms defensively. 'Come on Sawyer, for good old times' She bit her lip and looked at me uncertainly. 'Come on'

'One drink'

* * *

She trailed her shaky hands down her leather jacket and fiddled restlessly with the zip as I carried our drinks over to the table she'd chosen. 'Here you go- one coffee' I set them down and sat opposite her.

'Thanks' She bought an unsteady hand up to her mouth and trailed her forefinger over her bottom lip nervously before taking a sip of her drink. We both sat silently, glancing at each other every now and again 'Don't look at me like that' She finally spoke, shooting daggers in my direction. God I'm sure even if she was speaking pure venom, every syllable that left this girls mouth sounded beautiful.

'Like what?'

'Like I'm scum' She raked her hand through her locks agitatedly.

Fucking hell, didn't she know how fucking hot she was- how she'd come to the conclusion that I thought she was scum I didn't know. 'Peyton-'

'This was a bad idea' She mumbled under her breath, setting her coffee down and reaching for her bag.

'Wait- don't go' I panicked- she couldn't leave. What was it with this girl? I'd been back in her presence for all of about thirty minutes and as always she'd managed to turn me into some blubbering idiot. 'I just want to talk' I mumbled hastily.

'I really don't feel like reminiscing right now. Look, you don't know me. We dated on off when I was eighteen. That's it- one meaningless relationship'

Christ, bitter much? She really knows how to make a guy feel good about himself- meaningless relationship my arse. In fact it's probably the only meaningful relationship I've ever been in. 'Aw come on you're kidding right? You loved the old Lucas Scott charm' I teased.

'Arrogant much' She scowled.

I sighed, clearly the humorous approach wasn't working out. 'So er, how long have you been in New York?' I changed the subject, looking at her intently, hoping to get her to open up.

'A few years now' She shrugged.

'Really? Do you live round here? Maybe I could take you out for dinner tomorrow night…' I trailed off as she closed her eyes. I knew it was a little early to be suggesting a date but hey you couldn't blame me for wanting to help her. God I felt sick at the thought of what she was doing to herself. How could she sell herself.

'Look thanks a lot for the coffee but I think I better go' She stood unexpectedly.

'Peyton-'

'Look- it was nice running into you Luke but we're worlds apart now, just leave it alright?'

'Peyton I want to help you'

'I don't need your pity' She snapped. 'Just forget you ever saw me ok' She looked at me intensely, daring me to stop her leaving. I swallowed thickly as she finally turned, swiftly making her way out of the small diner without turning back, my eyes trailing after her- lingering at the door minutes after she'd left, hoping on the off chance she might come back.

* * *


	2. Chapter 2

Christ why did I agree to go for a coffee, why didn't I escape while I could. My heart was racing wildly as I walked frantically down the street, limping a little- fuck these boots hurt. I glanced at the time on my phone, I was meant to be at the club half an hour ago- Rick wasn't going to be at all pleased, not to mention I'd bet his mate would've made sure to let him know by now that I'd not even made it into his bloody car. God I could kill Lucas fucking Scott right now. I rounded the corner finally reaching the hell hole I'd worked in for the last three years. Tony- the bouncer moved out of my way, letting me slide past the crowd of partiers cuing outside. 'Rick's looking for you- he aint to happy'

I sighed. 'Is he out back?'

'Yeah i think so'

I nodded, hurrying past him. The club was buzzing inside and it took me a while to push my way through the grinding mass of people to a door which led to a few dressing rooms and offices. I took a deep breath before hesitantly letting myself in.

'Where the hell have you been?' He snapped from behind his desk, a stiff drink clutched in his hand. Great he was already past the point of angry.

'I'm sorry I got held up' I avoided his eyes, keeping my distance.

'Held up? Peyton I explained how important tonight was-he's my best fucking client and you've just gone and pissed him off.'

'I'm sorry-'

'You promised me you were going to be on your best behaviour' I had no answer. What could I say- well I ran into Lucas Scott, the only person I've ever been in love with? He slammed his drink down and strode over to me, shoving me none to lightly into the wall and gripping my arms.

'Ow' I mumbled breathlessly, wincing as he left me no room to move.

'He wants you, no one else- you. And he's going to have you. I owe him a lot of fucking money but he's willing to forget it- all for one night with you Peyton' He growled into my face. Christ I got the picture already.

'Alright'

'Be here early tomorrow ok' He ordered more than asked, slowly releasing his grip on me. I nodded, rubbing my arms as he tucked a curl behind my ear. 'Right now go and get out there- I'm not paying you for nothing you know' He opened the door, ushering me out before I could get a fucking word in.

* * *

I'd been dancing for well over an hour when I noticed him watching me. Fuck he must have followed me. I trembled, wondering how long he'd been gazing at me dancing around a pole with hardly any clothes on. I attempted to ignore him, focusing on what I was doing but it wasn't working, no matter where I looked I could still feel his penetrating stare. I must have carried on for a few more minutes before I could no longer handle it. I elegantly stepped off the small stage, hurrying off out back. I stumbled haphazardly into the small dressing room, pulling a t-shirt over my head and my short denim skirt on over the fish net tights I was already wearing. God this night was getting progressively worse. It'd be fine, I looked through my bag pulling out a small bag of crack- expertly, I poured a line onto an old blood donor card I had stuffed in my purse from years back.

'Oh you changes, I liked your outfit' I jumped- turning around to see him standing in my dressing room.

'Fucking hell. How did you get in here?'

'The good old Scott charm' His smirk soon vanished when he saw what I was doing. I ignored his disapproving look, snorting the rest of the substance. I rubbed my nose, returning my stare to him.

'Are you stalking me Lucas Scott?' I frowned.

'Maybe' He offered me a small smile, god I love his smile. I swallowed thickly- what was I doing? It had been years since I'd gone all gushy over any man. I quickly turned away from him, not allowing myself to stare into those beautiful blue eyes.

'Well I'd appreciate if you'd stop- I meant what I said earlier Luke- we're worlds apart' I gathered my bag from the dressing table and made for the door. That's it- just get out as quick as you can, don't look back, just keep walking. He stepped in front of me, blocking my path. I reluctantly looked up into his face.

'How did you get here?' He frowned concernedly.

'I walked' I muttered, trying to be funny but neither of us laughed.

'The Peyton Sawyer I know wouldn't be doing this to herself'

'Well maybe you never new Peyton Sawyer- we were just kids'

'You were always so righteous, so strong willed and independent.'

I abruptly turned away from him, blocking out his words as I stalked across the small room, leaning against the wall as I pulled out a much in need cigarette. This is the last thing I fucking felt like- a lecture from Lucas Scott.

I could feel his eyes burning into me, watching my every move. 'I could help you' He walked over to me taking my cigarette from my hand, bringing it up to his own lips and inhaling.

'I don't need any help and if I did I wouldn't come to a selfish, arrogant wealthy author' I snapped indignantly, pushing myself further into the wall as he raised his cigarette free hand, placing it on my suddenly burning cheek. I involuntarily shuddered. He was definitely to close for comfort.

'Peyton' He whispered, his smoky breath on my face, urging me to look at him. I reluctantly met his gaze- I know-bad move. The second I looked into those eyes my legs went weak at the knees and I would have done anything he told me to. I didn't stop him as he leaned in closer, our noses touching. He excruciatingly slowly tilted his head a little, his eyes intensely gazing into mine as he trailed his tongue along my bottom lip. A shiver ran down my spine as I watched him, anticipating his every move. He pulled away for a second, taking another drag of my cigarette before stubbing it out on the dressing table and returning his attention to me, re-enacting his last actions. My eyes flickered closed as my lips automatically parted and he instantaneously took advantage, all to eagerly slipping his tongue into my mouth. I allowed myself to indulge in his blissful kiss for a few minutes before I tried to move away, if I allowed him to continue his assult on my mouth I knew I wouldn't be able to control my body's actions. He pinned my arms back, trying to keep me in place.

Men- they're all the same, take what they want whether you comply or not.

'Luke' I stuggled. He finally got the message, releasing my hands. I pushed him away from me, grabbing my bag and making a quick exit. Christ I needed some air.

'Peyton, come on Peyton slow down'

'Unless you want to pay, you're not getting anything Lucas Scott' I stated matter-of-factly, continuing to walk at a quick pace.

'Fine I'll pay' I halted. My eyes widened a little. Well I definitely hadn't expected that. 'I'll pay whatever you want to spend the night with you'


	3. Chapter 3

I'd suggested a stupid amount of money, it was no wonder she'd been quick to agree to my offer. She'd been surprisingly at ease during the car ride here as we talked about times in Tree Hill-Perhaps it was the cocaine she'd snorted half an hour earlier but quite frankly I didn't care right now. 'E..er…h.h.hang on a tick- keys are here somewhere' I muttered, fumbling in my pocket. God she was causing me to crumble to pieces. I finally found the freaking keys, quickly slipping them into the lock and opening the door. 'So this is my place' I ushered her inside, flicking on the lights to reveal my rather spacious, open plan apartment. Her eyes danced around as she slowly edged further inward. 'It's er-'

'Huge' She interrupted, straight-faced, tearing her eyes away from her surroundings to briefly look at me. I nodded awkwardly- my sudden wealth wasn't something I was really comfortable with. I shifted my weight uncomfortably, my hands stuffed in my trouser pockets 'So what's a girl gotta do to be offered a drink?'

'Right- sorry. Wine?' She nodded, a small smile on her perfect, perfect lips. I rushed over to the pristine kitchen area and got us a bottle from the fridge. She set herself behind the kitchen island, leaning on the counter purposefully- giving me a perfect view of her silk black bra. 'There you go' I handed her a glass, grudgingly watching her return to her upright position and take a sip of her wine. 'So where do you live?'

'I have a small flat, few blocks away' She shrugged nonchalantly. 'Shall we sit down?' She swiftly changed the subject and gestured to the sleek leather sofa's across the room. I followed her over into the living area, settling myself beside her, my eyes glancing at her slender legs at every opportunity. 'Did you decorate by yourself?' She broke the awkward silence.

'Actually Brooke sorted it'

'Brooke Davis Brooke?'

'Brooke Davis Brooke' I confirmed, unsuccessfully trying to read her expression.

'Oh so you still know Brooke?'

'We talk every now and again. She's busy a lot but she stayed in contact with Haley- her being Jamie's godmother and all. When Hales let slip I was getting a place here she insisted that she help out with the décor- She's still as persuasive as she was in high school'. I grinned. She forced a smile in return, fidgeting uncomfortably and fiddling with a lock of hair. 'I've got some pictures somewhere if you want to se-'

'No' She stood abruptly- maybe I'd overdone it on the reminiscing? 'No it's alright' She repeated more calmly. I watched her confusedly, waiting for her to sit back down but she didn't. She placed her wine down on the glass coffee table before returning her eyes to me 'So…?' Hand on hip, her head cocked to the side- she stared at me questioningly.

'What?' I smirked, confused by her expression.

She raised her eyebrows suggestively and trailed her hands down her torso to the hem of her skimpy t-shirt. Christ I was dumb. I knew exactly what she was insinuating now, I swallowed thickly unable to form any words as I watched her peel her top off and toss it behind her. Seconds later she shimmied out of her skirt, biting on her bottom lip flirtatiously. This wasn't the Peyton Sawyer I'd known. She'd always been loving, somewhat mischievous but always considerably timid when it came to sex and exposing her body. But the last thing the girl in front of me was, was timid.

She strutted over to me, taking my glass from my suddenly clammy palms. I gulped, my eyes glued to her ass as she placed my wine with hers on the table. Her curls bounced as she turned back around to face me and sashayed forward. Fuck she looked just like a model and those legs, those legs that went on for fucking ever. She was surely the definition of perfection. My whole body tensed with anticipation as she placed her hands on my shoulders and slowly sat astride my lap.

I'd really had no intention of doing this- it had started as a ploy to simply get her to my apartment, where I'd intended on talking to her and listening to her story and how she'd got herself into this situation but not surprisingly, my stupid desires had gotten in the way and talking was by far the last thing on my mind right now. I ran my hands up and down her fish net covered thighs as her nimble fingers lingered over the top button of my shirt, taking her time as she began to rid me of my clothing. I slid my hands around her pulling her tight against me. She emitted a small gasp at the sudden jolt and smirked at me.

'Do you want me Lucas Scott?' She whispered huskily into my neck, sucking on my earlobe. I laid my head back against the back of the sofa, groaning as she unhooked the last button of my shirt and finally trailed her delicate hands down my now exposed chest.

'Peyton stop'

'Hm?'

'Stop' .

'What- you wanna be on top?' She shifted herself off of me, laying back on the black leather of the sofa and pulling me atop of her.

'No...that's not it' I know, I know- what the fuck was I doing? Here I was with the most beautiful girl in the world beneath me and I was backing out. I hadn't had any action in what felt like forever and had offered her a ludicrous amount of money to spend the night with me and I was having second thoughts. But that was just it- I was paying for her. This wasn't her- this was just some act, some great big performance, I didn't know what was really going on behind those green eyes. My mind began to go into overdrive as I wondered how many different men she'd whispered the same words of affection too, how many times she'd given them that sweet flirtatious smile. I suddenly felt sick. 'N…no' I stuttered, closing my eyes as her hands moved to my belt. 'That's not it' I forced myself to move away, reluctantly standing up. I'd forgotten the defensive walls Peyton Sawyer built up around her and the job it was breaking them down. Maybe she was right, maybe I didn't know her, maybe she'd changed and I was searching for a girl that no longer existed.

'You want to go somewhere more comfortable?'

'No Peyton. I…I can't do this'

'What? What's wrong?' She sat up looking at me with a mixture of confusion and anger.

'Peyton. I want you, god I want you- but the real you.'

'I'm right here in front of you, how real can you get?' She stood, taking my hand and placing it on her chest in a cheap effort to prove her existence. I looked at her sympathetically, slowly moving my hand away from her.

'You can still have the money'

'What? Out of pity?' She shook her head frantically. Abruptly retrieving her clothes from the floor. 'You have a fucking nerve' she spat. Jesus Christ, I'd naively thought I could get through to her in a few hours, hoping to help her but that was clearly the last thing that she wanted and she definitely wasn't prepared to listen to reason right now. She stubbornly walked to the door. 'Fuck you Lucas' She shouted lividly before slamming the door with an unruly force.


	4. Chapter 4

Lucas Fucking Scott. Fucking bastard. Fucking, fucking bastard. I should of known. Fucking typical, trust him to go all bloody sentimental on me. Christ I'd really wanted that fucking money. I was out of crack and was in desperate need of a hit. I kicked the brick wall agitatedly. I had no money for a taxi and it was over an hours walk to my shitty flat. I glanced back up at the building regretfully- why did I always have to be so god forsakenly stubborn. Why didn't I just take the money. I dragged my feet along the path, sighing as I lit myself a cigarette, I needed something to soothe my restless nerves.

I couldn't stand it when he'd started talking about Haley and Brooke. I was sure my heart rate had sped up just thinking about it now. Oh and the photos. I couldn't pretend I hadn't seen them. Scattering the far wall of his apartment, images from throughout his life- right from when he was small to now. There were children I didn't recognise, children who I could only assume were Haley's and there was no mistaking who his sister was, identical blue eyes to her big brother, shining brightly. He'd even had a photo of me among them all. I couldn't believe how different I looked back then- so innocent, I never knew how good I had it. I guess you don't until you loose it all.

'Peyton?' Oh great- he'd followed me.

'Just stay the fuck away from me Lucas.' I walked faster.

'I'm really sorry Peyton, I didn't mean to offend you' He jogged beside me. God- why'd he always have to be so nice, it made it really hard to hate him. I rolled my eyes and carried on walking, determined to get as far away from him as I could. 'Look Peyton stop, at least let me take you home. It's late, you can't walk by yourself. I'll get us a taxi' I stopped.

'Fine' Well I wasn't going to turn down a free ride. He smiled at me thankfully and gingerly put his arm on the small of my back, protectively leading me to the side of the road.

* * *

'You really don't need to walk me up' I insisted for the umpteenth time but still he didn't take any notice. Ever since we'd gotten out of the taxi he'd been looking around anxiously. His grip on me tightened as we past a crowd of yobs.

'You live around here?'

'For the fifth time yes' I murmured shortly, leading him toward my block. He eyed the building disgustedly before shooting me a small smile. God- we couldn't all afford his lavish lifestyle. I led him up the narrow three flights of stairs to my floor. 'Well this is it' I gestured to the door, waiting for him to say his goodbyes but they didn't come. He looked at me expectantly, waiting for me to invite him. Great. I exhaled heavily. 'I'm tired Luke'

'I just paid for your ride home- aren't you gonna invite me in for a cup of coffee?' He asked cheekily.

'Ur' I huffed frustratedly, opening the door and grudgingly letting him in. I rubbed my back as I bent over and unzipped my boots, stumbling out of them as I flicked on the dim light, groaning as I took in the mess I'd left behind earlier this morning. I traipsed through the cluttered floor, picking up discarded clothes and throwing them onto the bed in an attempt to make the place look a little better. He probably didn't have this problem, I bet he had a fucking maid to clear up for him. I lent against the wall, reluctantly looking at him.

'Why don't you, you know you could, if you wanted you could come and stay with me- I've got the room' He finally got out. Typical Lucas Scott. If it was one thing I'd learnt during our short winded relationship, was that he was always the hero- the saviour. It made me wonder if that was what always attracted him to me. Always the damsel in distress in need of his help. He liked to be the protector. I shook my head no, I'd grown up now. I didn't want to be taken care of anymore, I would not be dependent on anyone, I couldn't afford to get my heart broken. 'This isn't really a safe place to be living Peyton'

'I can handle myself.' I stated dismissively. I'd been here for three years now and I'd survived.

'But-'

'I'm a big girl, I don't need your fucking supervision' I snapped, looking at him agitatedly.

'What's you're problem? I'm just trying to help you, We used to be friends, why can't we now?'

'We were never fucking friends and I don't need your fucking help. What I do fucking need is for you to get the hell out'. I growled loudly before I wearily dropped my head into my hands, god I needed a line, I needed everything to disappear, I needed him to leave.

'Peyton?... Peyton are you ok?' He was suddenly at my side, crouched down in front of me.

'I'm fine'

'I'll get you a glass of water'

'Luke I'm fine' He made his way through my crap to get to the sink across the room- good thing about having a small flat is that everything's more or less crammed together and at your fingertips. I watched him rinse a used glass before filling it and returning to me. 'Here' He held it to my lips.

'I'm not a fucking invalid Luke' I snatched the glass from his hands and took a sip to please him. He ran a hand through his messy hair, looking at me concernedly. 'What?'

'N..Nothing' he shrugged. 'Are you sure you're alright?'

'I'm fine' God, how many times did I have to say it. He raised his eyebrows sceptically. 'I-am-fine' I repeated.

'Ok' He stuffed his hands in his pockets. 'Well I better be going then'

I smiled and nodded patronizingly- at last. 'Well I'd say it was nice seeing you again but it hasn't so' I shrugged.

He looked at me sadly 'You know I feel really sorry for you Peyton.' My eyes involuntarily began to fill with unwanted tears. Bastard. He's making me a complete mess. 'I don't know what's happened to you' He carried on.

'Why do you even care?'

'Because Peyton. Contradictory to what you think- I'm an alright person- I might not of seen you in ages but that doesn't mean I don't still care about you'. I took a shaky breath in an attempt to conceal the sob that was threatening to escape my quivering lip but it didn't seem to work. I lent my head against the wall, this was humiliating enough without having his eyes burning into me while I blubbered like a child. His strong arms pulled me away from the wall and enveloped me in a hug. I tried to pull away but I didn't have much fight in me and he's twice my weight.

'Get off'' I shrieked. But he only held me tighter causing me to cry even more hysterically. I didn't know how long it had been since someone had just held me, comforted me. He rubbed my back, whispering into my ear as he tried to soothe me, tried to fix me like he use to- although this time I'm not so sure that that's possible, I don't think I'm repairable.


	5. Chapter 5

It had taken over an hour but she'd eventually cried herself to sleep. I must've drifted off sometime after with her curled up in my arms because when I opened my eyes the sun was piercing through the window. A few fallen locks were glued to her cheeks. I gently trailed my fingers over her pale face, scraping them away as I stared at her sleeping form. She was seriously underweight, her cheekbones more pronounced than normal. I couldn't tear my eyes away from her- she was seriously fucking messed up. I could've sworn she was going to collapse earlier on. I slowly pulled the bed sheet over her and carefully got up, silently snooping around her flat. God this place was a shithole, she deserved better, if only she could see that. I decided to make myself useful and began to tidy the mess up- it looked like she hardly spent anytime here- just a place to crash for the night. I quietly began to tidy the build up of clothes scattered on the floor as my mind began to wander. She was clearly addicted to whatever crap she was taking and she couldn't be eating, or if she was- hardly anything. I glanced at my watch as I folded a pair of jeans- 2.00p.m. Shit, Shit, Shit. I didn't realise it was that late. I was meant to have met my editor this morning. Oh fuck it. I shook my head. What does it matter- she needs me more.

'Peyton' I jumped at the loud thump on her flat door. 'Open the door. Peyton'

'Shit' She sat up startled, glancing at her clock and frowning as she rubbed a hand over her forehead, now very much awake.

'Peyton' I whispered.

'Shit' She jumped at my voice, suddenly aware of me being there. 'Fuck- you've got to get out' She scrambled out of the bed, looking around frantically. 'Now Luke you need to go'

'And how do you suggest I get out? The window?' I mumbled sarcastically. 'We're four stories high'

'Peyton I know you're fucking in there- open the door'

She took my hand, ushering me across the cramp room and opening the cheap wardrobe.

'Peyton!'

'I'm coming, I'm just getting dressed' She shouted back, shoving me into the cluttered cupboard.

'Is this really necessary' I groaned from the cramp space.

'He'll kill me and you' She whispered back seriously. 'Please just stay quiet, don't say a word' She begged, carefully shutting the doors. I exhaled heavily, adjusting to the sudden darkness as I carefully slid a hanger out my way and positioned myself so I could peer through the small key hole.

'I told you to be down the club early- Why aren't you answering your fucking phone?' His loud voice echoing through the small flat told me she'd let this guy in.

'I-' She mumbled confusedly. 'I must've left it at' She trailed off, reframing from mentioning her little visit to my place last night.

'What?'

'I must've lost it' I heard her sigh.

He yanked her further into the compact room, giving me a better view of them both. 'I'm sick of this. I tell you to do something and you do it' He growled.

'You don't fucking own me Rick' She retorted. I unconsciously clenched my teeth, watching the twats face get redder. He sniggered at her remark, making my skin crawl.

'Turn around.' He raised his eyebrows expectantly, daring her to defy him. She reluctantly obeyed. I cringed, what'd he already done to her to make her fear him. 'I bought you a present' He set a bag down on the bed and snaked an arm around her waist, resting his chin on her shoulder. 'Well? Aren't you going to open it?' I couldn't see her face but her hand slowly moved forward bringing a black dress out of the bag. He pulled her back against his chest. 'Do you like it?' She nodded wearily. 'We need you to look good for Chris tonight don't we?' I watched her attempt to pull away but he held her tighter. 'Let's see what it looks like' She didn't object as he helped her out of her clothes and slid the black material over her head. I swallowed thickly, my eyes peering through the small hole in the door. 'Perfect' The guy I'd come to learn was Rick smirked. 'I don't have to remind you how much of a big deal this is- both our necks are on the line here'

'No- you're the one that owes this tosser money'

'And he wants you Peyton- I don't see why you're getting so uptight about this, you're a whore- this is what you do' She turned around in his hold, throwing her fist toward his face but he caught it mid-flight, sneering at her attempt to hit him. 'I love it when you're feisty'He pushed her back against the wall, his hands crawling up her legs.

'No' I couldn't help myself, it's like I wasn't in control, my body lurched forward on it's own accord and I went flying out of the cupboard, making my presence known. 'Get you're fucking hands off of her' I know it was stupid, I mean I hadn't worked out since high school and here I was picking a fight with someone I had no chance of winning against. I jerked him away from her, punching him in the face. My upper hand didn't last long, he was quick to retaliate and expertly threw his fists in my direction causing me to loose my balance.

'Rick' I could hear Peyton's desperate plead. 'Stop, stop. Please Rick. For fuck sake stop it' He continued to hit me until she managed to coax him off.

'Who is this fucking pussy?' Rick demanded, breathing heavily as he stared down at me. I tried to get up but was finding it hard to focus on anything let alone move. He went to kick me when she didn't respond.

'No, no, don't. He…he's a friend' She crouched down beside me, her delicate hand running over my bleeding lip. 'Luke, speak to me, are you ok?'

'Peyton get up- we're going to be late. We're going'

'No Rick, he might need the hospital, let me call an ambulance first' She shouted irrately.

'He's fine' Her hand suddenly left my face as she was lifted to her feet.

'You don't know that, just let me stay for a while, we can go in a minute just wait...' her voice slowly fading as she was led out of the small flat. I tried to get up, I needed to get up, I needed to stop her leaving, stop what she was doing but I couldn't dissipate the dizzy feeling that had suddenly overcome me. I slowly closed my eyes, giving in to the sudden need for sleep and allowing blacknesss to envelope me.


	6. Chapter 6

'Peyton' Rick's tight hold on my arm didn't loosen as he dragged my struggling form down the corridor. 'Chris is waiting for fuck sake' I don't know why I was crying. Ever since we'd arrived at the club I'd not been able to turn off the water works and Rick was getting more pissed off by the second but I couldn't help it. It was all fucking Lucas Scott's fault. I'd suddenly become a right emotional wreck since he'd made his appearance and I couldn't get the image of him lying on my grimy flat floor, unconscious to the world out of my head. All I could do was hope that he was ok. 'Peyton' Rick snapped at me for the umpteenth time. 'Will you shut the hell up- what's wrong with you?' He groaned, pulling me into his office before my hysterical sobs got any louder. 'Shhh' He insited.

'I'm sorry I just- You've just fucking beaten up one of my friends and you expect me to be fine with it' I mumbled, rubbing my eyes as he finally released me, pushing me away none to lightly. I ran my hand over my sore arm, scowling at him.

'Look I don't know who the hell that loser was but he wasn't your friend. He's only interested in one thing, just like everyone else'

'You don't know anything. Lucas isn't like that. He isn't only interested in fucking sex. He hardly knows me anymore but he still cares about me' Rick sniggered, only further enraging me. 'What?' I snapped.

'Why would he want to go out with a whore Peyton?' He shrugged nonchalantly.

'Well maybe I don't want to do this anymore, maybe I don't want to be this person anymore' I yelled at him furiously. I don't know what had happened to me over the last few years but somewhere down the line I'd been persuaded to be apart of this world. 'I'm not going to sleep with Chris' I crossed my arms. I don't want to be this person anymore. It had suddenly dawned on me. I've gotten so used to acting- to being whoever anyone wants me to be, so used to people telling me what I can and can't do that I've forgotten what it's like to truly be Peyton Sawyer.

'Yes you are'

'You owe him money not me, this isn't my problem' I walked toward the door, naively thinking I could escape. He spun me around, backhanding me across the face. I gasped, swallowing thickly as his hand struck me leaving me with a stinging cheek and a split lip. I bought my finger up, wiping the blood away onto the back of my hand. 'Fuck' I cursed, blinking as my eyes watered.

'Don't make me force you Peyton' He'd never looked at me with so much anger before. I turned away from him again, trying to stand my ground, I don't know what I was fucking thinking, it's not like I had a bloody chance at defending myself against him. I gripped the door handle, using all of my strength to try and open it, but his hand kept it firmly shut.

'You could get someone else to do this- why me?' I asked desperately, giving up on the door. 48 hours ago I wouldn't have given a shit but I suddenly cared, I just wanted to go back and curl up in Lucas' arms. I'd never felt so safe last night, just laying with him. I suddenly felt needed, like I wasn't worthless.

'Because he asked for you and he's going to get you' I walked over to the bastards desk, helping myself to a ciggy. 'Come on babe- you belong here. It's not like you've got a chance with this friend of yours' He placed a hand possessively on my hip as he lit my fag, whispering hauntingly into my hair. I knew he was right. Of course I didn't have a chance with Lucas, why would he want to be with a slut. He was a filthy rich author, he could have anyone he wanted. My brow furrowed confusedly, I inhaled greedily. 'Come here' He walked around the back of his desk, opening the top draw as he sat down, revealing a stash of coke. I stared at it hungrily, all rational thoughts leaving my mind. God I couldn't help it, I needed this shit. I slowly edged round the side, putting out my cigarette and allowing him to pull me onto his lap. I watched impatiently as he made me a line. 'I know you Peyton, I know what you need' He scraped a lock behind my ear as I leant forward snorting the substance. I sighed heavily, relief washing over me, I'd been yearning for a hit for the last day and he knew it, he new it and was using it to bribe me, to control me. He put the bag back in the draw. 'You can have the rest after'

Tears began to well in my eyes again, I wasn't going to get out of this. I sniffled loudly and took a shaky breath, willing myself to get it together. The sooner I calmed myself down the quicker I'd be out of here and I could go see to Lucas. I'd sworn to myself that I'd do everything in my power to make it up to him, if it weren't for me he'd probably be dining in some fancy restaurant discussing his up and coming novel round about now. 'Ok' I nodded defeatedly, avoiding his eyes.

'Good girl' He effortlessly lifted me, sitting me on the edge of his desk. I winced as he ran his finger over my lip, wiping the remaining dried blood away, not once appologising for hitting me. He took my purse from my grasp, fumbling through it and producing some lipsitck. He carfully wound it out, applying it to my slightly swollen lips. 'You're so fucking beautiful' He eyed me up and down apprecitively as he finished hiding the cut. 'Lets go introduce you to him then' He stood, holding his hand out to me, I looked at it for a few seconds before reluctantly taking it. It would be over soon, it would all be over soon and I could return to my flat, to Lucas and he would be alright, he'd be fine.


	7. Chapter 7

I was laying helplessly on the floor, my side pounding, I felt like I'd been run over. I don't know how long I'd been unconscious for but it must have been a good long while seeing as it was getting dark outside. I dreaded to think where Peyton was, what she was doing, I knew I'd feel forever responsible for whatever had happened to her tonight. I couldn't believe who she'd become over the years. Who was I kidding, I should of foreseen her falling down this route. She'd always been the brooding teen with troubles, always out to hurt herself. Could anyone hardly blame her though?- she'd gone through more in her first eighteen years than most people do in a lifetime, she was guaranteed to go off the rails. Looking back I can remember a number of occasions when she'd put her life in the balance- her running about ten red lights in a row comes to mind, attempting to get herself killed but I'd always dismissed her self harming tendency's, I'd never taken them seriously. Maybe if I had things would be different, maybe she wouldn't be walking down this treacherous path. But I'd just been a naive kid back then, completely oblivious to what she was already beginning to do to herself. When had Peyton ever had the chance to truly be a child though? Since she was eight she'd had to deal with her mother's death. Her father had thrown himself into his work, trying to forget his pain, leaving his daughter to fend for herself when she truly needed him the most. Maybe if she'd had more guidance in her earlier years she would value herself more, but she doesn't, she hates herself. I look at her and see no happiness and it breaks my heart to see someone so sad, so lost.

'Lucas? Luke?' Her sweet voice suddenly sounded next to me, I looked up at her through bleary eyes. 'Thank god, I'm sorry' She ran her hand through my hair soothingly. 'Shall I get you to a hospital?' She asked frantically as though I might die. I shook my head slowly- no, that's the last thing I need; pictures of me in this state all of tomorrows newspaper, no this had to stay quiet for my careers sake. I slowly raised my hand and ran my finger over her busted lip, I did''t even need to ask her what went on. She's high, her pupils are dilated and she can't sit still. I can tell by the way she's holding herself that someone's been more than rough with her fragile body and it sickens me to to think that someone's so much as touched her. If only I'd thought before putting my fists into actions, maybe I could have prevented this. She gets up, her comforting warmth leaving me for a few seconds. She's smiling at me when she returns and I flinch as she holds some ice wrapped in a tea towel to my eye. 'I'm sorry Peyton' I murmur, finally finding my scratchy voice. She shakes her head.

'I'm fine' Her smile doesn't convince me. 'I am' She forces a small laugh. I wonder if she really doesn't care, wonders if she doesn't care that she's used like a rag doll, that she's that self loathing that she has no respect for herself or maybe she's just so addicted to cocaine that she's willing to do anything to get her hands on the shit. 'I'm sorry that he hit you, I told you to stay in the fucking cupboard'. She speaks quickly, rubbing her nose and avoiding my eyes. I muster enough strength to raise my hand and take the ice away from my numbing face.

'He was touching you' I groaned, wincing as I heaved myself up into a sitting position, god that bloke certainly new how to make you hurt.

'So?' She shrugged nonchalantly, crossing her arms defensively. 'Lucas- Rick, he's good to me alright?' She said it as though she was trying to prove this to herself more than me.

'Yeah, it sure looks that way' She got up, pacing back and forth in front of me.

'I've called a taxi- I'll take you back to your place, you'll be more comfortable there than in this dump. Are you sure you're ok- You don't need a hospital?' She queried, hoping I'd say no. I guess she didn't want to have to make up some story of how I'd gotten the shit beaten out of me. I shook my head. I'd live.

'No I'll be fine. It's you I'm worried about' She gave a little laugh. 'You shouldn't be treated like some object Peyton- you deserve better' I insisted. Her smile soon vanished and she looked at me seriously.

'You don't know anything Luke so shut up' She fiddled with her hands restlessly.

'Look at you, I can tell that you're in pain- liked it rough did he?' I was trying to get her to open up to me but it wasn't working.

'Maybe I'm the one that likes it rough' She shot back, agitatedly, throwing her scrawny fist into the wall in anger. I stared at her through a swollen eye, one arm supporting my surely broken rib. I was trying to read her but as usual the Peyton Sawyer walls stood high. I thought I'd gotten through to her last night but obviously not.

'You let him do whatever he wants to you and you get however much cocaine you like huh?.. You don't need them Peyton'

'Yes I do' She begged to differ, scrapping her hair back in frustration and tying it in a messy pony tail. 'Look this is none of your business, I'm sorry you got involved but what I do is none of your concern'. She stated as she placed a slender arm around me, helping me to my feet. 'Let's get you home' She changed the subject, no longer willing to participate in this conversation. I let it go, it was no good pressing the issue if she was only going to get progressively angrier and to be honest I could no longer find the strength to speak, all concentration going into walking, swallowing my pain with every step as she helped me down the several floors, god I'd never been so excited about the prospect of getting back to my luxurious apartment.


	8. Chapter 8

I'd ended up staying last night. Well I couldn't exactly leave him in this state- it was my fault after all, I owed it to him. I woke up in bed with him, I must've drifted off. God his bed was huge and the mattress was so comfortable. I rolled over to find him staring at me. 'Hey' I smiled. He continued to stare at me. 'What?' I touched his arm gently.

'Nothing'

'How're you feeling?'

'Not bad. How about you?' he linked his fingers with my own.

I looked down and took my hand back. 'Lucas I'm fine' I sighed, I didn't know how to convince him of this fact. He'd been asking me that same freaking question 24/7. I _was_ fine. Rick was right, I did belong at the club, it was my life. Lucas had made me question what I was doing with myself but I'd come to realize the other night that all these thoughts were just me reminiscing about a time when everything was perfect. I'd come to learn that the world was a cruel place over the years, love wasn't worth it- you only end up getting hurt.

'You're not fine- stop saying that'

'I should go' His hand pulled me back down with surprising strength considering he was a beaten man. I looked at him warily.

'Please don't go' I opened my mouth to argue but a knock at his apartment door interrupted us. 'Urgh' He huffed.

'Let me get it' I sighed, shifting myself off of the bed and hurrying out of his room away from him. I opened the door without a second thought- I mean who was it going to be- a maid?

'Peyton' I swallowed thickly as I took in his guest, wishing the floor would suck me up, but no such luck. Definitely not a maid 'Oh my god' A wide smile appeared on her lips and the next thing I knew she'd thrown her arms around me, hugging me fiercely. I immediately pulled away, I was to sore to bare her holding me so tightly. 'Oh Peyton' She grinned goofily. 'God it's so good to see you, I can't believe it' I nodded distantly. God I didn't't belong here, I needed to get out. 'Luke's not been answering his phone for the last few days, Nate and I were getting a little worried, but I guess you explain that' She winked.

'Oh no Haley' I finally spoke. 'I- me and Luke' I shook my head as she pushed past me, taking her coat off and chucking it on the sofa.

'I'm so glad he found you- He's never been so happy as he was when he was with you Peyton and he deserves to be happy. Where is he anyway?' She rambled.

'Er he er' I struggled to find words, I didn't know how to tell her he was lying in bed, recovering from getting beaten up and it was all my fault. Haley raised her eyebrows but I didn't respond.

'Luke?' She called out, picking up on my sudden discomfort. She wandered further into the apartment, making her way to his bedroom. I hesitantly followed, not knowing what to do. She was his best friend. It's not like I could stop her. 'Oh my god, Luke, Lucas? Oh my god what happened?' She sobbed out, taking in the state of him, her hand running restlessly over his forehead. 'Who did this to you?'

'Hales' He sighed. 'What're you doing here?'

'I was worried- you're not answering your phone, I haven't heard from you in days- What the hell happened?'

I ran a hand over my eyes, dreading his answer. I edged back near the doorway, preparing myself to be taken out by an angry Haley Scott. 'I got mugged' My eyes darted up at his response, swallowing thickly as he lied through his teeth.

'Oh god Luke, when? Did you call the police, have you been to the hospital?'

'Haley I'm ok, alright? Just a little sore. Don't cry, I'm ok' He smiled at her.She nodded, wiping her eyes.

'Can I get you anything?'

'No I'm fine'

Haley took a shaky breath, glancing back at me- could she see through his lie? 'I should go' I mumbled.

'Peyton no' Lucas insisted.

'Haley's here now, she can look after you'

'Don't go because of me' Haley stood, hurrying over to me. 'You can help me make him some soup-'

'Haley I've not got the flu' Lucas sighed.

'Shhh- rest' She quietened him, taking my arm and ushering me out of his room. 'We'll be back in a while- call if you need anything' I cringed- great, now I was going to have to spend the rest of the afternoon with miss desperate housewife here- great.

* * *

After we'd got past the subject of Luke's awful mugging and how dreadful he looked the conversation inevitably changed to me 'So what do you do Peyton?' God her stupid smile was driving me insane- I didn't remember her being this happy all the freaking time. 'In the music industry I bet' Typical- assume that wouldn't she, no of course I hadn't followed my teenage dreams- I mean who did, apart from Lucas Scott. I'd of loved to have seen her face if I'd told her the truth. 

'Yeah- I'm working on MTV at the minute actually' I turned away from her trying to stifle a laugh.

'Reallly? Oh my god that's big' I nodded, disguising my smirk by forcing a cough. 'That's great Peyton'

'What about you?' I asked as she got me cutting some bread for him. Christ I'd already had the great privilege of chopping a thousand freaking vegetables for his precious soup.

'Oh, I'm a teacher actually' Big surprise there, I rolled my eyes, tapping the knife on the bread board. I could tell my restless behavior was pissing her off but it only made me want to do it more. 'Why don't you er, go and check on Luke' She smiled, gently, yet forcefully taking the knife from my hand. Suits me. I nodded, following my order and scampering from the scene.

'You'll be pleased to know your soups nearly ready' I grinned at him.

'God is she really making soup?'

I nodded, grabbing my bag, in search for my stash of coke Rick had kindly given me last night, only to find my bag empty. I definitely put it in there. I slowly raised my eyes to him- he was crap at lying. I could tell just by looking at him that he'd had the fucking nerve to take it. 'Give it back Luke'

'No- I don't want you taking that crap in my house'

'I'll leave, seeing as it bothers you that much'

'I don't want you taking it full stop'

'I don't care what you think- I need it' I could hear my own voice raising in desperation. He couldn't do this to me, I'd earned the fucking shit- who was he to tell me what I can and can't do. 'Give it back' I shoved at his shoulder, causing him to wince. 'Lucas'

'Here we are heres your soup.' I jumped up at Haley's voice, my heart was racing- I needed a line and I needed it now, but he'd stolen it. Lucas' eyes didn't leave me as she carefully placed the bowl on a pillow on his lap. I rung my hands together in irritation, what right did he have to do this to me. I could feel beads of sweat forming on my forehead as I Lent against the wall, giving him a deathly glare. 'Peyton are you ok?' My eyes darted to Haley. 'You don't look very good, you're shaking'

'Why wouldn't I be ok? Why do you keep saying that?' I snapped at her. 'I'm absolutely fucking fine'

'It's the first time I've said it' She furrowed her eyebrows confusedly at my paranoia. Fuck- this was to much to bare- both of them staring at me like I was some fucking zoo attraction. I had to get out.

'I need some air' I announced.

'Peyton-' Luke tried to stop me but I was out of there in a flash. I just needed some air, I needed to calm down.


	9. Chapter 9

It was nearly ten pm and Haley had only just bloody left after a lot of arguing about whether I needed her to stay and take care of me. I mean, I'm fine for god sake- well I'm still pretty sore obviously but I'm not immobile. It had taken me a good amount of time to convince her that Peyton hadn't meant to snap, that she shouldn't take it personally, she just had a lot on her plate at the minute and was consequently stressed out, to which she'd responded that she should try and talk to her- maybe invite her for a girly weekend. I'd almost laughed at the suggestion, no that was definitely not what Peyton needed. I looked at the clock in the living room for the third time in the last five minutes, I'd expected her to come back by now. I had no doubt that she'd come back- she was a stubborn cow and I had what she wanted most, yes she'd definitely be back soon. As if on cue, there was an urgent knock at the door. I eased myself off the sofa and went to open it. 'I was beginning to think you weren't going to come back' I smiled awkwardly at her as I pulled the door back further, gesturing for her to come in. She hurried past, me following after her, one arm on my side, supporting my bruised side.

'Has the desperate housewife gone?'

'Don't talk about Haley like that'

She rolled her eyes and crossed her arms, scanning the room. 'Luke I- Please can I have it back' She asked politely, avoiding my eyes as if it pained her to ask so sweetly.

'Peyton listen to me- I'm not giving you anything. You don't need it. Why don't I make us something to eat.' I turned, walking toward the kitchen area, stopping in my tracks as I heard a loud clatter behind me. I glanced over my shoulder to see the items which were once on the coffee table, scattered over the floor.

'Lucas' She growled impatiently, her eyes shooting daggers at me. 'I want it back now'

'Real mature' I scowled, referring to her actions moments before. It obviously wasn't the right thing to say because seconds later she was grabbing anything in her path and lobbing it across the room in fury.

'Fuck you Lucas, fuck you' I was so stunned by her sudden outrage that it took me a while to digest what the fuck was happening. It was only when she smashed a vase against the wall and the books my mum had got me last Christmas began flying in my direction that I snapped out of my fucking stupor. If I wasn't still feeling stiff and bruised I would have thrown her against the wall and slapped her. What the fuck was she doing?- this was my stuff, things that meant a lot to me that she was throwing around without a single fucking care. I staggered over to her, grabbing hold of her wild form.

'What the hell are you doing- Peyton stop it, Jesus Christ'

'IT'S MINE, give it the fuck back' She struggled but all to quickly began to tire in my arms, her breathing ragged. 'Lucas I swear to god if you don't give it-'

'Well you're not getting it back. You don't realize it now but I'm actually helping you' I explained calmly, as she yanked her body away from me.

'Helping me? What a load of shit, if you want to help me just stay the hell out of my life!' She shrieked.

'Will you please just quit with the shouting' I groaned.

'You know I can get more, you're not helping me' She turned her back to me. Christ she was a mess, her arms shaking as she tried to control her body. I slowly walked over to her.

'I can get you help' I ran my hands up and down her arms, only to have them pushed away.

'Don't tell me I need help- I'm not a psycho. You're not my dad, you're not even my friend, you're a boy I went out with in high school for Christ sake. Why you feel the need to fucking mess up my life I do not know' She stalked over to the sofa, flopping onto it exasperatedly. Shit. I stared at her, her face in the pillows. I felt like I was treading on fucking egg shells in my own apartment, one wrong move and I seriously thought she might just go and get a knife from the kitchen and bloody stab me to death. My eyes slowly trailed around the rest of the room- fifteen minutes ago there hadn't been a thing out of place, now it looked as though I'd been bloody burgled. I slowly sat down on the opposite chair and lit myself a much in need cigarette, my eyes never leaving her as I puffed away. She was laying on her front, her mini skirt hiked up giving me a perfect view of her black underwear. I swallowed thickly as she turned over, her eyes instantly looking into mine, I sighed, looking away from her intense stare. 'I'm going to bed' I announced after I'd put my fag out, avoiding her eyes as I tip toed through the mess she'd created to my bedroom.

* * *

I awoke with a start as I felt the cold air hit my skin. I looked down, startled to see a curly blonde tugging my trouser bottoms down my legs. 'Peyton' I exhaled. She looked up at me with a small seductive smile as she positioned herself between my legs. She slowly lowered her head 'Peyton no, stop it' I insisted, shuddering as her lips began to place butterfly kisses all over my abdomen, getting lower and lower. 'Peyton' I gulped, attempting to sit and move her away but she reached one hand up, firmly pushing me back, her finger over my lips, silencing me. I gripped the sheets around me as she slowly took me in her mouth.

'Fuck' I groaned, throwing my head back and forgetting what I was complaining about. She'd always been good at this, god but not this fucking good. I was in heaven, my eyes closed tightly as she expertly worked her mouth. It was only minutes later though when she slowly withdrew. I craned my head up, my brow furrowed. It took all my strength not to tangle my fingers in her hair and force her back down. I looked at her desperately, what the hell was she doing? I'd been so close and she knew it 'Where is it?' Was her simple question. It took me a while to comprehend what she was asking me for. I should have known but the complete shock of what she was doing hadn't left me in the best state of mind to be thinking about her true intentions.

'Fuck Peyton, you've got to be kidding me' I mumbled desperately.

'Fine' She scooted herself off the bed, throwing the bed sheet back over my half naked body and walked toward the door, leaving me in absolute pain.

'Peyton please' She couldn't leave me like this, I sat up.

'Tell me where it is then?' She said exasperatedly.

'Cupboard, in the safe' I quickly caved, it wasn't my fault I needed her.

She immediately walked across the room and swung the door open, crouching down. 'What's the number'

It probably wasn't a wise plan telling a drug addict the code to a safe where I had a large sum of money stored- but I only had one thing on my mind right now, I'd have to change it in the morning. '455681'

Her fingers worked quickly and I soon heard the click and the door open. A successful smile crossed her perfect, oh so perfect lips as she took her stash of coke back, her eyes lingering on the money. 'Peyton' I groaned desperately, the pain becoming even more unbearable. My voice bought her out of her daze and she reluctantly closed the door, walking back over to my bedside table, preparing herself a line. My eyes were glued to her, mesmerized by her every movement. I knew this was wrong but I couldn't seem to find the courage to stop her actions, I was being selfish, if I didn't allow her to do this she would storm out. Her nimble fingers moved up to her face, rubbing her nose as she sniffed loudly, a look of complete relief on her beautiful face. She abruptly turned her head, looking at me.

'Thankyou' She smiled wildly, slipping back onto the bed. 'Thankyou' she whispered again, smirking at my obvious discomfort as her eyes glanced at the bulge under the bedsheets. 'Do you need some help with that Mr Scott?'.


	10. Chapter 10

All men are the same, Lucas Scott included. It hadn't taken much persuasion for him to give me what I wanted as soon as I was giving him a fucking blow job. I pulled my boots on in a hurry hoping to avoid his gentlemanly morning after apologies I knew he'd give me. 'Peyton' Fuck-to late. I smiled sweetly. 'Your going?'

'Yeah, got things to be doing you know?' I pulled my flimsy jacket on. 'And I'm pretty sure you're feeling better'. I made my way toward his door.

'Peyton last night, I, you shouldn't of, I shouldn't- I'm sorry.'

'Luke- I initiated it not you, you've got nothing to apologise for.' I exhaled wearily.

He sighed, running his hand through his bed head hair. 'Yeah well, I didn't put up much of a fight' He mumbled regretfully.

'Was I not up to your expectations?' I asked accusingly, one eyebrow raised.

'No, no, that's not what I meant, you were, well perfect'

I smirked as he rambled, he was so cute when he was nervous. 'You're lucky I'm not charging you' I crossed my arms, pretending to ignore his comment.

'Am I meant to feel privileged?' His remark was spoken bitterly, leaving me speechless. 'Sorry' He mumbled.

'I better go'

'Peyton' He stepped forward, looking at me anxiously. His bruised eye had gone down quite a bit now but it must've still been quite sore. I nodded, prompting for him to say whatever he had to say. 'I've got this fancy work dinner thing tonight, will you come with me?'

'I, er, I don't think that's a good idea Luke' I shook my head, shifting my weight awkwardly. I mean I couldn't go to one of these things, I'd have nothing to wear for starters and I bet they were all snobby twats.

'Why not? Please, I've got no one else to take and they're so boring, I need someone there to stop me from committing suicide'

'You're really selling it to me' I said sarcastically giving him a small smile. 'I can't Luke, I've got nothing to wear anyway'

'I'll buy you a dress'

'Luke'

'Peyton please' He'd edged in front of the door and I could tell he wasn't going to budge. 'Hey I'll even pay you, this is a business proposition nothing else' My eyes widened a little at this, I'd be getting money for being wined and dined and a dress, didn't sound that bad. I shook my head, I'm being freaking ridiculous. 'Please'

'You'd pay me?'

'Uhuh'

I bit my lip thoughtfully. 'Fine' I sighed. 'But only because you're going to keep whining like a baby until I agree' I teased pushing his shoulder and urging him to move. He smiled, a genuine happy smile that went straight up to his beautiful blue eyes. God I sounded like a love sick puppy. I shook my head, this was strictly business. 'Well I better leave you to whatever twenty four year old rich authors get up to'

'Well in this case I think cleaning up my apartment after a certain blondie had a rage blackout is in order' He gestured around at all the mess. I winced, nodding my head embarrassedly, I certainly had turned it into a tip.

'Yeah er sorry about that.' I glanced at my watch, I really should get going, if I was late back at the club I would certainly have to pay later on. But I couldn't leave all this for him to deal with, I'd done it. 'I should stay and help clear this up' .

'Yes, you should' He agreed, smiling. 'And anyway, we need to go get you a dress, there's no point you going.' I nodded slowly. There were several reasons for me to leave though, the main being that I didn't want to upset Rick again. 'So I'll cook us breakfast and you can start on the mess' He stated cheekily. I looked at him blankly for a few seconds, watching him walk behind the kitchen island.

'Actually I'm not hungry Luke' I called over to him as I began to do as told, picking up the many books I'd thrown around the previous night and forgetting my worries about Rick.

'Uh uh Blondie, you're going to eat, even if I have to force it down your throat'

I placed a few books back on their rightful shelf, rolling my eyes, I didn't bother arguing, partly because I was tired but mostly because my attention was on the book in my hands. Tree Hill High Year book. I swallowed thickly, trailing my hand over the cover. I'd lost mine. I slowly opened it up, going straight to my page, my name- Peyton Elizabeth Sawyer. My once neat hand writing scrolled along side my image_. It doesn't matter where either of us are because I'm going to love you forever Lucas Scott_.

'It doesn't look like you're doing much tidying over there' I snapped the book shut, shoving it on the shelf and glaring at him over my shoulder.

'Sorry sir' I wavered my hand in the air, bowing mockingly. He chuckled at me returning to what ever he was preparing over there. I continued to busy myself with tidying up until he called me over minutes later. Didn't he get it, I'm not hungry, how many different ways were there to say it. 'Luke' I complained as he placed the plate with a pancake on it in front of me- just the way I liked it, he'd remembered every last detail, I smiled at the little flower he'd placed on the side. He was so perfect, he'd make some girl real happy one day, that was for sure.

'You need to eat'

'I do eat'

'I've been with you a lot over the last few days and I haven't seen a single piece of food pass those perfect lips of yours'

'You haven't been with me 24/7' I mumbled defensively, hesitantly picking up the fork. I slowly bought a small mouthful up to my lips and ate it. 'Happy?' I questioned after swallowing I don't know what he thought- I wasn't fucking anorexic, I just hadn't felt like eating much lately.

'Ecstatic'

I smiled falsely, continuing to pick at the pancake in front of me. 'You know this is the first time I've been cooked breakfast'

'Well you better get used to it, cause whilst you're here you're always going to have a meal in front of you'

'I'm going home after this thing tonight Luke' I informed him,he was making it sound like I was moving in, if he thought I was staying around he was wrong, I couldn't.

'We'll see' He grinned. 'You've got a lot of tidying to do'.


	11. Chapter 11

'For Christ sake Lucas' She groaned. 'Can't you keep bloody still for five minutes' She grabbed my arm and urged me to sit down on the edge of the bed. It wasn't my fault, her close proximity was making me surprisingly nervous. She was trying to cover the remains of my bruise which wasn't proving easy. She walked back over to the chest of draws grabbing some more of the make up articles we'd just bought and chucked them beside me as she sat herself on me, straddling my legs. Jesus Christ. 'Now try and sit still and I'll be done quick alright' She said in a patronizing tone. I definitely wouldn't move now, I swallowed thickly as she placed one hand on the side of my face, tilting it upward and began applying some of the crap around my eye. She widened her eyes at me expectantly. 'How am I meant to do this if you don't close your eye?' She complained when I stayed staring at her confusedly.

'Oh, sorry' I quickly shut them both and allowed her to get to work. I thought she said it was going to be a quick job, but apparently not- this definitely wasn't a speedy operation, it felt like hours had gone by when she finally announced she'd finished. I opened my eyes to see her smiling face.

'Perfect' She placed the make up brush down, admiring her work.

'Thanks, er well, you er better go get dressed' I stuttered like a complete twat, keeping my hands firmly on the bed and resisting from looking into those beautiful green eyes.

'Ok' She eased herself off my lap and disappeared out of my room. God she was going to kill me by the end of the night. I'd almost lost the plot earlier. We'd gone shopping for the necessary items for this evening and she'd insisted on me viewing every item of clothing she'd tried on seeing as I was buying it. This meant accompanying her in the dressing room at times to help zip up dress after dress. I'd had to refrain from shoving her up against the fucking wall and taking her there and then. I don't know what the hells wrong with me, I'm like a sex crazed teenager again, it's all I can think about. I didn't trust myself, not after last night. I'd been a complete jerk and she'd got exactly what she'd wanted. Well I wasn't going to allow that to happen again, no, I wouldn't allow things to get that out of hand again.

I wondered into the living room as she walked out of the bathroom painfully slowly, letting me take in her beauty. I'd seen the dress on and I'd already known that she looked stunning in it but watching her now- with her hair and make up done, she just looked, wow. Her curls were clipped back on one side, her silvery grey eye Shadow making her green eyes stand out, her lips painted a sophisticated red. The silk navy blue dress flared out beneath her chest and floated out to just above her knees. She looked so elegant, the complete opposite to the tarty attire she'd been wearing for the past few days. I could see reminisce of the old Peyton Sawyer before me and it excited me.

'You can close your mouth now Luke' I could feel my cheeks suddenly burning and rubbed my hand over the back of my neck embarrassedly. 'So am I your date for tonight?' She grinned.

'No' I shook my head seriously and immediately felt a little guilty at her hurt expression. 'Girlfriend' I smiled as I linked my hand in hers, leading her to the door. My stomach twisted apprehensively as I glanced at her, her eyes sparkling happily.

* * *

'Jane this is Peyton, Peyt this is my editor and this is Steve and James they're my publishers' 

'Hi' She smiled politely, releasing my hand as we all sat down.

The evening progressed perfectly- she was perfect, chatty and just amazing. Everything was going swimmingly, I was actually enjoying myself, even when we were talking business and about up coming bloody book signings I would be attending. I couldn't believe how easily she was able to transform herself and it scared me. As the night went on I was seeing more and more of the old Peyton come out but I was afraid, afraid that I was falling for nothing more than a stupid act. I had to keep reminding myself that this wasn't Peyton Sawyer my beautiful girlfriend but Peyton Sawyer a hooker.

'Well Lucas, she's a winner; beautiful and intelligent, where'd you find her?' Steve eyed her from across the table and she blushed. I forced a smile, I didn't like him looking at her like that.

'Actually we've known each other since high school' The second I said it I immediately realized it was a mistake.The three sets of intrigued eyes looked at each other excitedly before gazing from Peyton to me. She shifted uncomfortably under their scrutinizing stare.

'So this is the famous girl in your book?' Jane took no time in asking. I watched Peyton tense, god I was a twat, I bet she'd never even read my book, now she was probably going to want to kill me for making her teenage life public property. I subtly slid my hand under the table, placing it reassuringly at the top of her leg. She smiled at Jane but didn't say anything. 'The love of his life- we've heard a lot about you' Peyton's gracious smile dropped and her hand fell onto mine, pushing it off of her leg. Shit. If it was one thing I'd learned over the past couple of days- Peyton didn't like talking about the past all that much, she tensed up in seconds. I looked at her warily, anticipating her next movements. 'This would be a great story for the press- lovers reunited' Fucking hell, that's the last thing I wanted, more public attention. The perfect night was slowly crumbling.

'Excuse me for a moment' My eyes darted to Peyton as she stood, looking at me with the most false smile. 'I'll be back in a minute sweetie' She cooed, before disappearing toward the ladies room. Great, no doubt leaving to go fucking drug herself up. I sighed.

'Seriously Luke, this would be great publicity.'

'I'm an author not a fucking celebrity James, I don't want publicity, I just want to write and if my books sell then great, even if it appeals to one person I'd be happy but don't you, any of you drag Peyton into this- there'll be no stories about us' I warned.

'We're just trying to sell your book- get your image out there, keep you in the public eye- it's not like you're writing anything at the minute Lucas you need all the help you can get'

'I don't care alright' I got up abruptly. I had to go check she was ok. So much for the bloody perfect evening.


	12. Chapter 12

'Peyt? Peyton?'

'Fuck' I cursed, stuffing my stash back in my pocket. What the fuck was he doing in the girls toilets.

'Peyton?'

'What?' I snapped.

'I just, are you ok?'

'Just peachy' I mumbled unhappily, reluctantly opening the door, sniffing and wiping my nose as I walked out.

'Peyton' He frowned, leaning against the sinks. God why did he always have to look at me so disappointedly. 'You can't do that, not here' I'd do what I fucking wanted and when I wanted thankyou very much. I shook my head dismissively, standing beside him as I ran my hands under the tap.

'Don't tell me what to do Lucas' I sighed, taking as long as possible to dry my hands. 'So, when were you going to tell me I was going to be part of some publicity stunt' I suddenly found myself asking bitterly.

'It's just talk, they don't mean it. Do you really think I'd let them give the papers a story on us, I'm not that much of a twat'.

'Lucas if they do' I took a deep breath. I wasn't worried about me. I was scum but Lucas, he had a reputation to protect, if this story did hit the press it wouldn't take long for them to dish up the dirt on me and he'd be accused of spending the night with a hooker. 'You'll be ruined, I shouldn't be here with you. This isn't right'

'That's not true- you're the only reason I'm here tonight, I enjoy being with you' It took me a few seconds to realise his comment had caused me to give him a lop sided smile. I quickly looked away, staring in the mirror and pretending to fix my make up. 'Let's get out of here' He suddenly announced. I cocked my eyebrow, looking at him hesitantly.

'You want to leave you're important meal?'

He shrugged sheepishly. 'Maybe we could just take a walk'

'Are you forgetting that you paid for a dress, my shoes and you're paying for me to just be here' I returned my eyes to the mirror, my back to him.

'You'll still get your money, don't worry' He assured me, lightly placing a hand on either side of my waist. I involuntarily shivered at his close contact and the intense gaze he was giving me.

'Do I need to remind you, that, that this is strictly business' I closed my eyes as I stumbled over my own words. 'Just a meal you said- nothing else' I jumped as his lips touched my shoulder. 'Luke' I attempted to pull away but he pulled me against his chest. This wasn't good. I'd been leading him on all day but now he was actually taking an interest I was having second thoughts, I looked down.

'Did I tell you how beautiful you look tonight' He slowly traced his hand up to my face, watching my face in the mirror the whole time.

'Luke'

'Look' I did as ordered and glanced up into the mirror. 'This is you Peyton, I've seen bits of the Peyton I used to know come out tonight' I bit my lip.

'Don't Lucas' I needed him to get the fuck away from me.

'No' His hands flew to my hips, holding me in front of him. 'Look at yourself- what do you see?'

I sniggered, was he fucking serious. 'What are you? a bloody psychiatrist' He gently turned me around so he could look at me directly.

'No- I hope I'm your friend though'

'We were never friends' I took a shaky breath as he ran the pads of his thumbs over my cheeks and slowly leant his forehead against mine. Fuck, my heart was racing and my stomach was twisting apprehensively. I didn't want to feel this, these emotions only made things harder than they needed to be. I just had to ignore them, they didn't mean anything. He meant nothing to me. It wouldn't matter if I never saw him again.

'You're better than all of this, can't you see that- the club, Rick- you don't belong with them.' He whispered. I gulped, drawing on his every word. What the fuck does he bloody want from me, this is all just a great big mind game.

'Do you want to come back to mine, we could just have some coffee, talk'

'Talk?' I smirked, he didn't want to fucking talk, that was his code for let's go back to mine so I can fuck you.

'Yeah- I know you're not used to doing it but it's when two or more people exchange thoughts verbally'

'Ha ha' I mumbled, scowling at him.

He smiled but then looked at me seriously. 'Please'

I stared at him confusedly before slowly nodding. 'Ok'

* * *

'Luuke let me down' I giggled as he spontaneously lifted me off my feet and skipped the last few metres to his apartment door. He'd had me smiling since we'd left the restaurant and I was getting addicted to the unusual feeling. He gently let me down, leaning me against the door. I could hear my own heavy breathing as I concentrated on avoiding his eyes. 'Thanks for tonight Luke' I mumbled shyly. 

'It should be me thanking you- do you know how boring those things usually are?' He smiled, taking a small step closer to me. I bit my lip apprehensively as he slowly tilted my head, urging me to look at him. I didn't know what to do, he was getting closer and closer and my heart was racing wildly, why was my heart racing wildly though. Oh fuck, he's going to fucking kiss me. What the hells wrong with me, why am I suddenly this nervous? I swallowed thickly and hesitantly closed my eyes as he slowly, lovingly, pressed his lips against mine and kissed me. I felt as if I was soaring high in the sky, it was only us- there was no one else in the world, just us. I pulled away first, my eyes blurry as I tried to focus on anything but him. I shifted my weight uncomfortably, suddenly feeling awkward yet unable to conceal the small smile playing on my lips.

'Shall we go inside?' I suggested, running a hand through my hair, I needed a fucking drink to sort my head out, or more precisely to get Lucas Scott out of my head.


	13. Chapter 13

She made herself at home, slipping off the black jacket I'd bought her this morning and chucking it on the kitchen counter as she swung open the fridge door. 'I think we need some wine' She announced. I watched her amusedly, hovering on the other side of the kitchen island as she helped herself to a bottle. 'Want some?' She glanced at me, trying her hardest to ignore what had just gone on between us.

'No, I'm alright thanks' I watched concernedly at her jittery movements as she fiddled with her hair and sipped on the glass of wine she'd just poured. The last bloody thing she needed was another substance in that under weight body of hers. 'Are you alright?' I asked, gingerly walking toward her. Maybe I shouldn't have kissed her outside, it'd felt so right but she'd been completely restless since we'd come inside.

'I'm fine' She took another swig before putting the glass down a little heavy handedly. 'What?' She grumbled, apparently I was staring.

'I er...nothing' She abruptly stepped forward, closing the gap between us and before I fucking had a chance to speak she was kissing me. I mumbled into her mouth, surprised by the sudden attack. I just couldn't tell what was going through her bloody mind, she was so unpredictable- one minute she'd be having a temper tantrum the next I'd see bits of the old Peyton that I'd once known and loved and then she was the confident, cocky girl and I didn't have a clue who she was right now but quite frankly I didn't care.

'Is this what you want?' She whispered, moving her lips to my neck. Yes, yes this is what I fucking wanted. She gasped as I haphazardly lifted her up against the counter. I couldn't help myself, I just wanted to get as close as possible to her, to touch her. I watched her face, her eyes closed, her lips slightly parted as she breathed heavily, her chest rising and falling against mine.

'You're beautiful' I found myself whispering into her ear, I don't know what the fucks wrong with me, I'd not told any girl that- well not since Peyton. Her whole body tensed and she slowly opened her eyes, staring at me anxiously.

'Don't, don't say that'

'What?' I smiled confusedly at her expression. She opened and closed her mouth like a guppy fish. I raised my eyebrows encouraging her to say whatever was on her mind but she didn't. Instead she lent forward, kissing me hard and aggressively. It was like she was suddenly aware that it was getting intimate and she didn't want it like that, she didn't want me to be affectionate, she didn't want me to care. It was like she was afraid of actually being loved. 'Peyton?' I wasn't going to hurt her like all the other men in her life though and her frantic movements were quickly reminding me that I'd promised myself I wouldn't let this happen, that I wouldn't let it go this far. She moved robotically, tugging me back toward her causing my hands to inadvertently fall to her legs. She placed one hand over mine, guiding it under the silk material of her dress, higher and higher.

'You can do whatever you want to me, I'm all yours' She murmured.

I swallowed as she trailed her forefinger none to lightly down my chest, that false seductive smile painted on her pretty lips.'Stop' I frowned, reluctantly pulling my hands away from her.

'Stop what?' She sighed tiresomely.

'The charade, what's wrong? You were fine outside a minute ago' I ran my hand over her cheek affectionately.

'I' She took a shaky breath and I was surprised to see her eyes fill with sudden tears.

'Peyton'

'I'm sorry' She looked at me desperately. 'I don't know what's wrong with me' She brushed a hand over her eyes as I effortlessly lifted her off the counter and bought her into a tight embrace. 'Come on' I squeezed her hand and guided her toward my room.

'I'll be alright in a second, we can still-'

'Peyton do you think I bought you back here for sex?' I asked calmly as I sat her down on my bed. One look into those beautiful green eyes of hers and I had my answer. Shit. 'Peyton' I sighed, crouching down in front of her and rubbing her knees.'When I said do you want to come back to mine to talk I really did mean talk- I had no intention of any of this'

'Why don't you want me?' She questioned insecurely, bitting down on her lip to stop it quivering.

'I do, just, not like this' I scooted onto the bed, urging her to lay down beside me. I exhaled heavily, wrapping my arms around her and holding her to my chest. She was scared, it was becoming more clear by the second, I knew she was feeling the same as me- it was undeniable, it was like a magnetic force pulling us together but she didn't want to let go, she was scared of being loved. I just wanted to save her from everything she'd been through, I wanted to make her forget about her past and just look after her. Behind this confident exterior she was a vulnerable girl, needing to be rescued and I knew it would take a lot of courage for her to admit that but I was going to break down all of her walls if it was the last thing I did. I issued her forehead with a lingering kiss, before carefully pulling the bedsheets over the both of us.

'Luke?'

'Hm?'

Her stiff body slowly began to relax in my warm embrace, she shuffled impossibly closer and placed a delicate, sensual kiss on my awaiting lips. 'I'm sorry' She whispered.

'What for?'

'A lot of things'

'You've nothing to be sorry for' I scraped a lock behind her ear and gazed into her eyes, feeling, perhaps for the first time that maybe I was making some kind of break through with her or maybe I was just being optimistic, but whatever the matter I was just glad to be able to hold her in my arms, for one night at least.


	14. Chapter 14

I watched the sunlight slowly crawl across the far wall, I'd hardly slept all night, guess that's what you get for snorting coke 24/7. Lucas was such a peaceful sleeper, he hardly moved or made a sound. I was pretty sure he must have a dead arm by now seeing as it had been wrapped underneath me for literally the whole night. Christ I needed a hit but I didn't want to move. It felt nice, just laying here in his arms. I tilted my head slightly, looking up into his sleeping face, his mouth slightly open, his warm breath suddenly on my face. I smiled, hesitantly lifting my hand, being careful not to wake him as I ran my finger across his bottom lip. He began to stir mere seconds later though. I quickly removed my hand, and tried to shuffle away from him but his strong arms held me tightly. I sucked on my bottom lip apprehensively as he flared his nostrils and exhaled heavily before his eyes began to flicker open. He yawned loudly, slowly looking down at me with sleepy eyes. 'Hey' He murmured, smiling as he absentmindedly trailed circles on the top of my arm.

'Hi' We just laid there, in a comfortable silence, listening to one another breathe for what felt like forever. It was nice, I felt safe. It was nice to not have to say anything- there were no arguments, no tears, no bitter comments, just us, in each others arms.

'Do you want to go get breakfast? There's this place round the corner that I always go to' He mumbled into my hair, stretching his legs out. No, don't move, I didn't want to get up, I didn't want to face the reality outside these four walls. I just wanted to feel content for a few more minutes and savour the feeling of him snuggled up against me. I murmured against his chest, complaining as he went to move. 'We can't stay in bed all day- there is a world out there'

'OK' I reluctantly nodded.

'So you want to go out for breakfast?

'I'd like that' Maybe I could continue pretending everything was alright for a bit longer, I liked pretending to be his girlfriend. I laughed as he craned his neck up, leaving a smudge of concealer on his pillow.

'What?'

'Your eye' I smirked, pointing to the remnants of make up.

'Oh' He laid back down, smiling. 'I forgot about that'

'Me too' I smirked, brushing my finger gently over his messed up eye. 'I'm sorry, I shouldn't have let you come up to mine the other day, this wouldn't have happened otherwise'

'You're not the one who hit me' He eyed my physique as if he very much doubted I could harm anyone.

'I can put up a fight' I announced, argumentatively.

'I'm sure you could' He murmured sarcastically. I sat up right, swinging into action like a fucking idiot- attempting to pin his arms down and prove my strength but of course I had no chance; in seconds I was laying flat on my back, with him hovering over me, both of us breathing heavily, me giggling like a stupid little girl as he tickled my sides. 'Yes you're very strong' He mumbled patronisingly. I took a deep breath, smiling as his hands stilled and he brushed a stray lock out of my eyes, giving me a perfect view of his face. Why'd he have to be so god dam beautiful. He leaned in rubbing his nose against mine softly, staring into my eyes and silently asking permission to kiss me. I looked at him unsurely before hesitantly nodding and allowing him to kiss me like never before. It was gentle at first but it soon became frantic as his hands were all over me, possessively covering each and every inch of my skin and it felt...I don't know, it just felt right. He suddenly pulled away, looking at me with lustful eyes.

'Shall we go then?' He asked breathlessly, shifting himself as far away from me as possible, as if he was afraid I might just break or maybe he was afraid of what would happen if he didn't pull away.

'Mhm' I nodded. Yes we definitely needed to get out of this room, anything to stop me, distract me from wanting nothing more than to kiss him all day. I had to keep reminding myself that I didn't love him- I just liked the idea of him, this isn't my life, I'm not his girlfriend.

* * *

I could feel my cheeks blushing as I watched him read the newspaper as I sipped on my coffee, I just could't seem to tear my eyes away from him. I shook my head embarrassedly, this had to stop and quickly, I couldn't allow myself to fall for Lucas fucking Scott, not again. 

He spluttered out his coffee and looked at me wide eyed. 'What?' I mumbled conscientiously.

'Er' He shook his head confusedly.

'What's wrong?' I grabbed a napkin, leaning across the table and dabbing it round his mouth.

'Don't' He shushed my hand away, looking around apprehensively.

'Luke?' I hesitantly sat back in my seat, bewildered by his sudden bitter attitude toward me.

'I'm sorry' He immediately apologised, returning his eyes to me and staring at me intensely, 'I'm sorry- I, just' He sighed. 'Look' He past me the paper. A few pages in there was a title reading- "Lucas Scott, the famous author finds the love of his life again, the mysterious lady of his book- Peyton Sawyer" I bit my lip. Oh fuck, oh fucking shit. Fuck, fuck, fuck. I scanned the paragraph beneath. They didn't know anything about me. It's alright, it was mainly about the book- about me in high school not me now, they had none of my tragic history, just my name. You could do a lot with a name though, it wouldn't take them bloody long to dish up the dirt.

'You said they wouldn't' I whispered dumb founded. This was bad. If Rick found this. I shook my head at the thought. Fuck- Rick, I hadn't spoken to him in the last couple of days, I was bloody in for it. I'd been so wrapped up in Lucas fucking Scott I'd completely forgotten about my sodding phone, I bet I've got a load of fucking messages and death threats by now.

'I'm sorry Peyton, I thought they wouldn't, I told them not too'

I dropped my head into my hands tiresomely. What the fuck were we going to do.

'I think we should go back to mine' He suddenly mumbled, looking past me, through the large coffee shop windows, a look of panic on his weary face. I spun round, peering through the glass, swallowing thickly as a camera aimed in my direction flashed. He stood abruptly, grabbing my arm in a fierce grip and lifting me off my seat in one swift motion. I gasped, reaching my hand out and grabbing my coat before he dragged me out of there. He paused at the door, holding my hand tightly. 'You ok?' I nodded nervously. 'Here' He helped me slip my jacket on and gave me a reassuring look before swinging the door open and leading me through the group of paparazzi. I don't bloody understand- it's not like he's a celebrity- he's a bloody author for fuck sake.

'Lucas, Lucas Scott/ 'Lucas Scott is this the girl in your book?/ The love of your life/ The girl / Peyton Sawyer' Random people were shouting, My legs suddenly turned to jelly, I didn't like being in this crowd of people, I just wanted to get out. He released my hand for a second and I looked at him lividly, what the hell was he doing? Was he going to leave me here? Seconds later his arm was around me again, his jacket shielding my face from the flashes.

'We're nearly there, hold on' He whispered to me, barely audible over all the shouts, but it didn't matter, I knew he'd get me out of here because after all Lucas Scott always was the saviour.


	15. Chapter 15

'Peyton I'm so sorry about all of this' I apologised for the umpteenth time since we'd traipsed through a crowd of photographers and reporters to get to my building and out of harms way.

'You said this wouldn't happen Luke' She shifted nervously.

'I'm sorry, I really didn't think they'd go ahead and do this to me, to us'

'There is no us' She made clear. 'I have to go'

'What?' She couldn't leave, She'd been opening up to me, all be it slowly but it was progress.

'I've stayed long enough, I really need to go, I don't want to be apart of this' She suddenly began rushing around my apartment gathering all her crap, her eyes darting around confusedly.

'Peyton slow down for a sec' I insisted, watching her frantic motions.

'You just don't get it do you?' She was trembling as she spoke, becoming more uptight by the second.

'Maybe I don't' I agreed. I really fucking didn't- I mean, what was with the sudden need to get as far away from me as humanly possible, she'd spent the whole morning acting as though we were best friends and now I was her worst enemy? 'Peyton I didn't do this and I don't get how it affects you actually- as you said it's me that has a reputation to protect' I sighed exasperatedly- if anything got out about what she was- what she does, my career would be over- what had she got to loose?

'You don't get how this affects me?' She shrieked. Fuck- I'm guessing by that tone that it definitely bloody affects her. 'Lucas, Rick is going to-' She paused, unable to prevent a sob from leaving her quivering lips. 'Is, going to, to kill me' She took a sharp breath and covered her eyes with a shaking hand. Why did I alway have to be so fucking dumb? She was scared, of course she was bloody scared. I gingerly approached her, awkwardly placing my arm around her skinny form. 'Don't touch me' She sniffled, wiping her eyes on the back of her hand and blinking repeatedly to hide her tears. She stalked across the room, leaning against the sink as she lit herself a cigarette. What the fuck was I meant to do? I didn't have a sodding clue what to do or say.

'I'm...I'm sorry' I looked at her helplessly, I hadn't meant to upset her. 'You, You don't have to go back there. You're not going to go back to him, you don't have to be afraid anymore Peyton, I won't let anyone hurt you' I meant every single fucking word. I would protect her, I wouldn't let anyone hurt her. She turned around slowly, taking a drag of her cigarette before speaking.

'Can I have my money now?' She requested, completely ignoring everything I'd just said. It amazed me how in the last few minutes she'd managed to compose herself and was now putting on a tough front.

'Were you not listening to me?'

'Yes I was bloody listening- but you don't have a fucking clue Luke- you don't know these people. What Rick did to you- that was nothing.'

'Peyton we can call the police- we can sort this out' I ensured her, pleading with her to stay.

'Luke.' She sighed. 'You can't always save me'

'What? So you're going to go back to Rick- you'd rather be a fucking slut?' I was getting increasingly angry. I'd spent the last week trying to get through to her, I'd been more than patient and she was being absolutely fucking impossible. She didn't want to go back, I could tell that much- who would want to go back to that life? But she wouldn't accept any help. She scowled and shook her head dismissively, stubbing her cigarette out in the sink.

'Fuck you'

'You want to be my slut?' I grabbed her arms with an unbeknown force and dragged her struggling form out of the kitchen area.

'Lucas please' She whined, trying to pull her arms free but she couldn't, she'd never be able to, I was stronger. I didn't know where I was taking her or what the fuck I was doing, maybe I was just angry with her or maybe I was just trying to get her to give into me, to get her to stay. 'Lucas let me go'

'This is what you want? You want to be treated like some whore, you want to be pushed around?' I'd completely lost it and was shouting now. I shoved her onto the floor and before she scrambled away I was on top of her, holding her arms down. She threw herself around, trying to escape for a few minutes before quitting her struggles and staring up at me wide eyed.

'Fine do what you fucking want-What are you waiting for?' She growled. 'Go on then- fuck me' She shouted. I flinched at her tone and quickly released her arms, swallowing thickly as I stared at her. Her breathing was ragged and for the first time I realised that she was crying- what the hell was I doing? She sniffed loudly and bought her now free hand up to wipe her tears away. We stared at each other intensely for what felt like forever and then suddenly, out of know where we were kissing frantically, like our lives depended on it, nothing else mattered, it was just us, everything would be alright. 'Stay' I pleaded breathlessly into her mouth as her hands began crawling up beneath my shirt.

'I can't' She mumbled, gripping me tightly.

'Stay'

'No Luke' She shook her head.

I trailed kisses all over her, urgently raising her denim skirt to reveal more skin, desperately trying to convince her to stay, to let me help her and be apart of her life. 'Stay' I must of said it about a thousand fucking times now. She ignored me, unbuttoning her skirt and raising her hips so I could yank it down her slender legs. I swallowed, staring at her skimpy black underwear but my eyes couldn't avoid the recent hand print bruises on her thighs where her legs had been forced apart. 'What have they done to you?' She sat up, kissing me again feverishly, trying to distract me from asking any more questions. I carefully forced her back down on the floor. She gasped as I gently yet urgently parted her legs with my knees. She threw her head back, her lips slightly parted as I lowered my head, placing kiss after kiss, leading down from her hip to the top of her legs as I skillfully slid her underware off. I wanted to make all her pain disappear. I never did this, but Peyton was different I wanted to- I wanted to please her, taste her. Her back arched and she whimpered as I slid my tongue inside her. Her hands tangled in my hair, her whole body jolting with my every motion. Hearing her say my name and the way she moved was only causing me to increase my frenzied movements, I wanted her to feel, feel like never before- I needed her to know what it could be like. I needed to fix her, to make her forget everything.

'Fucking Christ' She gasped as she came, her whole body shuddering uncontrollably. I slowly raised my head, smiling- her expression was one of complete bliss, something she'd obviously not experienced in a long, long time and knowing that I was the one that had caused her pleasure made me feel invincible.

'Please stay' She was still coming down as I whispered into her ear, her body still jerking with my every touch. She opened her glazed over eyes. 'Stay' I kissed her cheek. 'Stay' I pecked her lips. She nodded distantly as I entwined my fingers with hers.

'Ok' She murmured. 'Ok'


	16. Chapter 16

Here I was laying on the floor, in nothing but a thin vest top with Lucas Scott at my side, fully clothed, his arm wrapped around me protectively. I was still confused as to what the hell had just bloody happened. The waves of pleasure I'd just felt were quickly being replaced by shame- I felt completely exposed and disgusting. I can't explain it- I mean he'd just gone down on me, he'd just been touching me in the most intimate of ways and I'd not been complaining then, but now I felt exposed. 'Peyton?' His hand trailed up my shaking body to my face, tilting my head toward him. 'What's wrong?' It was only now that I realised I was crying. I haphazardly stood up, searching for my thong and skirt. 'Peyton' He grabbed a hold of me, stopping me from going anywhere.

'I...I'm, wheres' I wasn't making any sense as my eyes scanned the floor for my clothing, I needed my clothes back on, I needed to conceal my horrible body from his eyes.

'Peyton, hey hey' He cooed as I finally managed to wriggle into my skirt. He reached out, wrapping one arm around my hips, his other on my sweating face, encouraging me to look at him.

'Luke' I shook my head, I really couldn't look at him right now and I couldn't do this sodding button up.

'Hey' He murmured calmly, his hands taking over the task at hand, effortlessly doing my skirt button for me. 'Peyt' His forehead was pressed against mine, his eyes gazing into mine and no matter what I did I couldn't stop shaking. The bloody butterflies in my stomach were fluttering around restlessly as he kissed me. He couldn't seem to help himself.

'Luke' I snivelled, pushing against his chest. I couldn't do this, I was falling fast and it was too much, I couldn't breath.

'Yes?' He questioned, his hands crawling over my lower back, pressing me against him possessively. 'You don't have to be afraid anymore Peyton' I closed my eyes, I'd let him in for all of half an hour, I'd made the fucking mistake of letting my guard down and now he thought he could bloody fix me. I abruptly spun around and out of his strong arms, accidentally elbowing him in the face in the process. I'm such a fucking cluts. He flinched, recoiling away from me.

'Fuck...I, I'm sorry'

'It's ok' He winced, blinking his eyes several times.

'Are you sure?..are, are you ok?'

'Yeah' He brushed it off. 'I'm fine' I nodded unconvinced, wrapping my arms around myself. I had to get out of here and quickly before I caused anymore damage.

'Where are you going?' He panicked as I headed in the direction of the door. 'Did I hurt you?' How could he possibly think that he'd hurt me? I was the one that had just fucking elbowed him in the face. I paused and shook my head.

'No, you definitely didn't hurt me' I mumbled. He sighed.

'What's wrong Peyton?' He took my hand, gripping it with a terrifying force as he sat me down on the sofa, guess I wasn't going anywhere.

'Nothing'

'Please talk to me, don't shut me out' I could feel myself sweating, god I needed some coke but he wasn't going to let this slide and the more he asked me the more uptight I was getting.

'I'm disgusting' I finally blurted, my eyes welling with tears. He narrowed his eyes, looking at me like I was a bloody nut job.

'You're not disgusting- you're fucking gorgeous' He said it so sincerely.

'I'm a slut. You said it yourself' I looked down, trying not to start blubbering again, I don't know why I was getting upset now- I mean it's not like I hadn't known it before- I'd come to accept that I was nothing but a whore ages ago, but after having him touch me so lovingly I was quickly coming to realise what I'd been missing.

'Peyton' He gathered me in his strong arms, cradling me like a small child. 'I was angry. You're not a slut. You didn't chose this- you've just got in with the wrong people, none of this is your fault'

'You make your own choices in life Luke' I didn't need him making excuses for me.

'So you've made a few mistakes, doesn't everyone? Things are going to change now, I'm going to help you ok?' He made everything sound so bloody simple. It wasn't.

'You deserve more than having to deal with me' I murmured. 'I don't know why you're being so nice to me'

'Because I care, I care about you...a lot..' I don't know why but that comment caused me to brake down in his arms. I was sobbing uncontrollably, like I was fucking possessed or something. He effortlessly manoeuvred me so I was straddling his legs and I all to willingly fell in to his open arms, wrapping my legs around him, laying my head on his shoulder and crying my heart out. For fuck sake- I'm such a bloody twat, just get up and leave. But I could't, his hands were trailing up and down my back, his soothing voice whispering in my ear over and over leaving me completely immobile in his embrace. I kept crying for fuck knows how long, but it must have been for a while cause when I opened my sticky eyes the room was dim and it was getting dark outside. I sniffled loudly, slowly raising my head- we couldn't stay like this forever. 'Hey' He ran his hand over my tear stained cheek.

'Hi' I offered him a small pathetic smile.

'Peyton what happened after Rick hit me...when you left with him?' He asked hesitantly.

'Nothing' I looked down, dismissing his question. Please don't ask me it again, I couldn't talk about that, that's the last thing I wanted to discuss with him. He ran his hand over my denim covered thigh. My hands immediately flew to his, preventing him from raising the material and revealing my bruised legs. 'Don't' I warned.

'Peyton'

'No Luke, Just drop it ok'

He exhaled heavily, sliding his hands around my back instead. 'You're shaking' He stated, looking at me concernedly. 'Do you feel alright?' He grabbed a blanket that was laying across the arm of the sofa, draping it around me.

'I need a line' I mumbled.

'That's not going to help' His voice echoed in my ear 'You don't need that stuff' I pulled out of his hold, standing on shaky legs. 'Peyton please don't' I ignored him. He didn't know what it felt like- what it could do- it would make everything go away, I'd feel on top of the world, I wouldn't feel this constant numbing pain, I could be happy.


	17. Chapter 17

I'd gotten call after call all evening- newspapers, my editor, publishers not to mention Nate and Haley, my mum and even Brooke had taken time out of her busy life to screech at me down the phone, asking about Peyton's where abouts. After informing her several times that no we didn't need her to plan our wedding because for starters we weren't even together, she'd finally let it go and instead insisted that as soon as she had some free time she was going to treat us both to dinner and catch up with her once best friend. I'd grudgingly agreed to her suggestion- anything to get off the phone, I had enough going through my head right now without having to listen to a cheery hyperactive Brooke Davis. 

I quietly walked into my room, staring at her- she was laying on my bed, the bed sheets all over the place. She'd helped herself to one of my t-shirts and it draped her small frame. I quietly lifted the covers over her, she wouldn't be asleep long- she was such a restless sleeper these days. I smiled as I thought back to when we were in high school and the many nights we'd spent together- She was such a deep sleeper back then, always the last one up, always late to school. She was the opposite person to who she was back then, over the last few years all her morals and values had flown right out the window and it bewildered me as to what had caused her dramatic transformation.

* * *

I glanced up as I heard the bedroom door close. She yawned sleepily as she stumbled through the living area, still wearing just my t-shirt. She didn't speak, or even look at me for that matter, just sat herself on the sideboard and lit herself a cigarette before watching me make us dinner. 'You want to help me?' I broke the silence.

'I don't do cooking'

'Well even more reason to help- you need to learn' I smirked.

'I beg to differ- all you need to know is a take out number' I rolled my eyes at her and she flashed a small smile at me. 'What're you making anyhow?'

'Salmon, some potatoes, vegetables- you like?'

'Yeah' She nodded.

'Here' I took her ciggy and had a drag of it myself before putting it in a ash tray on the side. She pouted disapprovingly.

'Luuke'

'Shut up' I lifted her off the side and stood her in front of a chopping board, setting down some potatoes in front of her. 'Now use this' I stood behind her, carefully placing a knife in her hand. 'And then we just' I laced my fingers over her, delicately lifting her hand and guiding it.

'I'm not fucking stupid' She whispered, a small frown on her perfect face as she turned her head, glancing at me over her shoulder.

'I know' I responded. 'I never said you were'

'Fuck' She cursed moments later. My eyes darted down, inspecting her bleeding finger. Shit. She'd had the bloody thing in her hand for all of ten seconds and managed to get a cut finger, I was the one bloody guiding her hand, it was my fault.

'Christ Peyton' I spun her around and took her wrist examining the damage. 'It's alright- I think you'll survive.' I slowly bought her finger up to my lips and stuck it in my mouth. She winced slightly, slowly looking up at me, her beautiful green eyes gazing into mine. 'I'll get you a plaster' I mumbled dazedly as I withdrew her finger from my lips, kissing it lightly before dashing off to the bathroom. Fucking twat Luke- why are you being such a fucking wanker- christ, I was meant to be taking care of her not hurting her. I retrieved the sodding box of plasters and hurried back to the wounded patient.

'Here we go' I mumbled as I returned. I fumbled with the wrapper, shakily positioning the plaster round her finger.

'Thanks'

'I'm sorry'

'It's ok- it wasn't your fault' She smiled shyly, staring at me like an innocent little school girl.

I couldn't help it- with her looking at me like that, I just couldn't help myself. I impulsively lent forward, pressing my lips to hers. After earlier I wasn't quite sure where we stood but all my worries were put to one side when she all to willingly kissed me back. I couldn't get enough of her sweet lips- when she spoke my eyes were glued to her mouth, it was like be teased 24/7. The sound of the water on the hob beginning to boil forced me to pull away- a good thing too, I don't think I would've been able to physically stop if it'd gone on a lot longer.

'Thanks it feels a lot better now' She whispered. I couldn't contain the goofy grin I was giving her- god she must think I'm a fucking idiot.

'Maybe you should just watch me cook' I suggested, reluctantly returning myself to the dinner I was preparing.

'No' She responded stubbornly, turning her attention back to cutting up the potatoes. We made the whole meal together- working in silence, smiling at each other every now and again. It wasn't awkward, it just felt, I dunno- right, comfortable. We didn't need to speak.

The next hour went by quickly and we were soon sat at the table, eating, enjoying the company of one another. 'Well I'm stuffed' She announced, sitting back in her chair. I glanced at her practically full plate- well I guess it was no surprise that she hadn't exactly eaten all that much but she did have some without me having to force it down her throat and the main thing was- judging by her smile, she appeared to be the happiest I'd seen her in the past few days. Although it was hard to tell what was real with Peyton anymore. I considered her carefully for a minute, plucking up courage to ask her something that had been plaguing my mind for the past few hours.

'So... where's your dad at these day's?' I avoided her eyes as I spoke, I didn't want to upset her, seeing as she seemed to be in a good mood- although it didn't really make any difference, her sudden mood swings were something I was slowly becoming used to. I couldn't believe that Larry Sawyer had let this happen to his baby girl, albeit he spent a lot of time away but he wasn't naive- he surely would of picked up on his daughters drastic change in behaviour. 

'He's dead' Of all things I'd been expecting to fall from her lips- that was definitely not it. I sat in utter shock, my mouth wide open.

'What...What happened?'

She shrugged nonchalantly. 'There was a storm- the sea took him'.

'God Peyton I'm so sorry' I looked at her, searching for some kind of emotion but her face was expressionless as she continued to stare at her food.

'It's cool' She lifted her head, smiling at me. Typical Peyton Sawyer. But I could see through the facade- Larry Sawyer, although not often around, was the one person that gave her a family- without him there was no one left, she was on her own- there was no one left to love her no matter what she did- no one to turn to when everything got to much. She got up abruptly, going into the living area. I followed hesitantly, unsure what to say or do. I gingerly sat down, slowly edging closer to her, subtly easing my arm around her small form and squeezing her against me. She glanced up at me again, her lips still supporting a misleading smile. She wasn't happy, far from it.

'I'm sorry'

'It's cool' She repeated. 'People always leave- remember?'

I nodded against her head, pressing my lips to her forehead. 'Yeah I remember'. I wasn't going to lie to her and tell her that it wasn't true because at the end of the day she's right and always will be- people do always leave- whether it's now or in fifty years time, we all have to die at some point but it's how we spend the time we do have together that matters.

Being lonely was a hard thing to deal with, well Peyton wasn't dealing with it at all. This revelation about her father's death was making everything a whole lot clearer- she had no one to impress, no one to be proud of her- no one worth living for. Well she does now because I'm back in her life and I have no plans on going anywhere. I wished things had turned out differently back in high school- maybe if we'd been older, maturer, the long distance thing could've worked when we'd gone our separate ways after graduation. But it was no good thinking about all the what ifs, the fact of the matter was that it hadn't worked. But we both had a second shot now- I just had to convince her of that.


	18. Chapter 18

'That's five hundred dollars please' I grinned. It must be about three in the morning but I couldn't sleep and he'd insisted on staying up with me.

'Five hundred? Nope- you're taking the piss now' He shook his head. We'd soon gotten bored of watching tv and had ended up playing monopoly to keep us entertained. We were both sat on the floor, me laying on my front in a pair of jeans and a over sized top. I'd helped myself to one of his t-shirts earlier, which was apparently not clean because I could smell him and kept finding myself holding the material over my nose and inhaling, it was somewhat comforting. I was becoming surprisingly at ease in his company and was actually enjoying myself.

'Excuse me I have a hotel on it' I held out the card, proving the amount he indeed owed me.

'Uh' He huffed, scrambling up a few notes and throwing them at me.

'Not a good sport are you?' I sat upright, picking up the notes and pulled the large t-shirt I was wearing over my feet.

'You're cheating'

'How am I cheating?'

He narrowed his eyes. 'I don't know yet' He mumbled suspiciously.

'Just because you're losing'

'I'm not losing'

I sniggered. 'No course you're not' I smirked, running my finger over my stash of money teasingly.

'I always win- just you wait, it isn't over yet Missy. Right' He announced, picking up the dice and taking his roll. 'five...one, two, three, four, fi-'

I couldn't help but laugh at his distraught face. 'You have to go to jail Luke' He scowled at me, slamming his little racing car down in the jail box. 'Aw, never mind, there's always your next go- I could pay you out- I've got some extra cash here' I grinned.

'That's it, you're so getting it' He lurched across the board, knocking everything over and snatched my wad of fake cash, throwing it in the air.

'Ahhh- Luke what the hell' He pushed me back on the floor, looking at me wildly before tickling me like a crazed maniac. I was giggling hysterically as his fingers continued to run up and down my body.'Luuuke' I screamed. I seriously was going to fucking wet myself in a minute.

'Say Luke is the best'

'No' I wasn't going to let him win.

'Say it' He warned, his hands continuing to assault me.

'I'm going to wet myself if you don't fucking stop' I screeched.

'Say it then'

'Ok... ok' I murmured through fits of laughter, quickly giving in. He stilled his hands, looking at me expectantly, only raising them again, preparing to tickle me when I didn't respond 'Ok, ok. Luke...is the...best' I reluctantly mumbled, catching my breath. I rolled my eyes as a large cheeky smirk crossed his face.

'Aw Thank you'

I scowled, slowly sitting up. 'I was so winning' I groaned sadly, looking at the remnants of the game- cards, small green houses and red hotels scattered everywhere.

'Aww sorry' He apologised insincerely exhaling heavily as he got up and sat himself on the sofa.

'You're such a cheater Lucas Scott' I shuffled onto my knees.

'Oh come on, it was getting boring'

'Only because you were losing' I rubbed in.

'We could be doing much better things'

'Oh yeah? Like what?' I cocked an eyebrow.

'I dunno' He gestured for me to get up. I bit my lip, standing. He reached for me, placing a hand on either side of my waist and guiding me down onto the sofa with him so I was straddling his legs. I looked at him nervously. I don't know why he made me so anxious, it wasn't that I was scared of him, it wasn't that at all. He made me feel safe more than anything, maybe that was why- I didn't want to let myself go and be happy, to let him take care of me because I knew in my heart it would never last and I couldn't stay here forever. I guess it was my feelings toward him that made me feel apprehensive. 'Maybe' He scraped a curl behind my ear. 'Maybe we could play this game.' He whispered. 'We just lean in slowly, like this' I hesitantly linked my arms around his neck.

'Yeah? And what now?' I swallowed, anticipating his next move.

'I just' He brushed his nose against mine, slowly, softly kissing me. I couldn't believe how many times we'd actually done this in the last 24 hours and every time he managed to take my breath away and leave me feeling light headed and dysfunctional.

'Mhm, this game is definitely better' I agreed, smiling against him. God he made me feel good, it was indescribable. Every time he was in the same room as me my stomach would start fluttering. I returned my lips to his, kissing him feverishly, his hands slowly moved from my lower back to my ass.

'Peyton Sawyer do you have any idea what you do to me?' He murmured, bringing one hand up to my face and running his thumb over my bottom lip. 'God' He shook his head slightly, urgently kissing me again. He suddenly stopped, pulling away and looking at me with raised eyebrows.

'What?..Luuke what?' I complained. 'Do I have something on my face?'

'No- there's nothing on your face' I gasped as he suddenly pressed me impossibly closer, his hand slowly moving into my back pocket. I lent forward burying my face in his neck, trying not to laugh as he bought out the secret stash of fake money I'd sneakily taken during the game. I smiled. 'And what's this Peyton?' I slowly looked up and shrugged nonchalantly. 'I thought you weren't cheating?'

'I wasn't' I tried to disguise the smile that was tugging at my lips.

'Uh- I knew you were bloody up to something- I always win monopoly' He shook his head in disbelief. I bit down on my lip, trying to stifle a laugh. 'You sneaky little liar'

'I don't call it cheating, I call it using your initiative' I eased myself off of his lap.

He frowned, shaking his head in disagreement. 'Well I call it cheating' He stood up, his hands on his hips, looking at me sternly.

'Sorry'

'Oh you're sorry now huh?' He said unimpressed, eyeing me mischievously. I stared at him, fluttering my eye lashes innocently as he took a step in my direction. I edged backwards. 'You're so going to pay Missy' He smirked, I quickly turned around and quickened my pace, running away from him. 'Yeah, you better run!'.


	19. Chapter 19

'I'm sorry, I'm sorry ok?' She held her hands up in peace, breathing heavily. After chasing her around the apartment like a couple of kids, we'd finally ended up in my room, her backed up against the wall with no where else to run.

'Ok' I nodded understandingly for a few torturous seconds before abruptly grabbing her by the waist and throwing her over my shoulder.

'Ahhhhh' She shrieked loudly.'Luuucas' she flailed her arms and legs about as she attempted to wriggle out of my firm hold.

'Luuuke, let me down'

'Sorry what was that?' I asked, effortlessly placing an arm around her legs, stilling her wild movements.

'Let me down' She feigned anger.

'Ok' I instantly released her.

'Luuke' She screeched as she landed back on her feet, stumbling back and trying to keep her balance. I couldn't stifle my laughter and got a whack in return 'You twat' I bit my lip, trying to be serious. She crossed her arms, pouting like a little girl.

'Are you in a strop with me now?' I asked, trying to hide my amused smile.

'No' She shook her head, a small smile of her own forming on her oh so perfect lips. She linked her hand with mine, entwining our fingers together. 'I'm not mad'

'I'm glad to hear it.' And indeed I was relieved to hear it- I knew we'd only been mucking around for the last half an hour but knowing full well that her mood could change at any minute always left me feeling a little on edge. I tugged her toward the bed, laying down and pulling her with me, yawning loudly as we fell onto the mattress, my free hand running over my weary eyes. I don't know how she keeps going.

'You must be tired... we should go to sleep now' She stated, fiddling with my fingers as she spoke.

'Ok' I nodded, pressing my lips to her forehead.

'Night Luke' she avoided my eyes and rolled over.

'Night Peyton' I stared at her back a little disheartened by the sudden lack of contact between us both. But it didn't surprise me, one moment she'd want to be in my arms and never let go and the next she wanted to stay well clear of any physical contact, afraid to get too close. I sighed, closing my eyes for a long while, but the sleep that I'd been craving for the last couple of hours would not come. All I could think about was Peyton, thinking over every conversation we'd had during the past few days, the good and the bad. Expressions she made, visualising her every feature. God I wish I could just bleeding switch off but I couldn't. I'd been with her more or less every minute of the last few days and I wasn't bored of her nor do I think I could ever get bored of her but what did that prove? We'd been in one another's company for little under a week- how could you possibly judge the chances of a future relationship after spending such little time with the person. I don't know why I was even comprehending that I could possibly be in love with her. It had only been a fucking week and I was already thinking about the "L" word. Jesus Christ. Sure I wanted to help her- take care of her, help her sort her life out but that didn't mean I loved her- did it? But I'd only ever felt like this with Peyton. I'd had a string of relationships but I'd never been as happy and content as I had been with her. I know we were only kids back then, that we'd only been in high school, that I'd not exactly had much else to think about but just seeing her made me smile, her being in the same room as me made my stomach flutter excitedly. I wanted to be with her every second of every day. I wish I could turn back fucking time- life would've been so much simpler if I knew what I did now, back then. I would have stayed with her, I would have been more patient and worked harder to keep us together and then she wouldn't have been where she is today, struggling to get by and on a treacherous road that couldn't lead to anything good. I needed her in my life. I did really fucking need her- I needed her. She made me happy. I hadn't been happy in a long time. I opened my eyes, glancing at the back of her head, her golden locks splayed against the pillow. I very much doubted that she'd be bloody asleep.

'Peyton?' She tilted her head, looking over her shoulder as I flicked the bedside light on.

'You're awake? I thought you were asleep' She blinked, adjusting to the sudden light.

'No' She moved so she was laying on her back and averted her gaze to the ceiling. 'Peyton I wish we never broke up- I wish I could've been there for you' She turned onto her side and looked at me intently. 'I'm sorry you've been on your own Peyton' She was silent for a few seconds.

'I'm not on my own right now though'

'No' I agreed, running my hand over her face. 'I wish I could've protected you'

Her cheeks turned a rosy red and she smiled embarrassedly. 'That's not your job'

'I want it to be- I want you Peyton, I want us' She opened and closed her mouth, her eyes wide as saucers as she stared at me, trying to digest my every word. Fuck- She thought I was crazy. Please bloody say something, anything. Minutes past with her just gazing at me- I couldn't read her. Fuck, what was I bloody thinking, it was too soon. Why did you say it- you fucking twat. 'Peyton' I mumbled helplessly.

'Sh' She suddenly whispered, abruptly leaning over me and turning the bedside light off, the only light coming from the glow of the moon shining through the gap in the curtains. I furrowed my eyebrows confusedly as she shuffled beside me.

'What're you do-' I stopped as she lifted her arms in the air, shyly lifting her top over her head. 'Peyton' I gulped, blindly reaching out and flicking the lamp light back on to reveal her looking at me nervously, clad in just her bra now. My eyes inadvertently fell to her chest, taking in her beauty but before I had time to memorise her every curve, she'd turned the room into darkness again and was leaning over me, her forehead against mine. I reached out, switching the lamp back on.

'Luke'

'Peyton I didn't mean, I think we should-'

'Just leave the light off' She dismissed, turning it off again.

'I can't see you though' I complained.

'You don't need to see me' She whispered, slowly sliding her leg over mine and positioning herself over me. I looked deep into her eyes, she wasn't playing a game- it was real, this was real. I gently moved my hands around her, leaving the light as ordered. I was going to do this right, I was going to make this perfect. I gently lifted her, laying her on her back, kissing her with nothing but pure adoration. God she tasted so sweet, I just want to kiss her forever, get lost in her. Fuck me, I bloody love her, I really do. I fucking love Peyton Elizabeth Sawyer. All too quickly we were ridding one anothers clothes- so much for taking things slow. A sudden heat had arisen in both of us, a need. I held her against my chest, gently moving her shaking legs around my waist as a matter of urgency. My hands trailing relentlessly up and down her back. It had been five years since we'd slept together, five years that I'd been denied her. I pulled at the clasp on her bra with impatience, finally ridding the unnecessary garment. I groaned as she rocked her hips against me, her body moving on it's own accord. I couldn't get enough of her mouth, her sweet, sweet lips. My hands were tangled in her hair now. I pulled back for a second, merely so I could look at her, the moonlight making her glow. She truly is the most beautiful person in the world. She offered me a small smile, her eyes sparkling. I didn't want to hurry her, I wanted her to feel in control but my need for her was becoming too much to bare. I had one hand pressed against her lower back, bringing her as close as possible.'Peyton' Her name fell from my lips and she nodded, her hands gripping me with an unbeknown power, urging me to take her. I slowly entered her. She bit her lip and pushed her head back into the pillow, her eyes closed tightly. Everything stopped- it was just me and her, nothing else. We stayed still, silent in one another's arms, staring into each others eyes.

'Luke' She uttered my name, her voice hoarse and barely audible. I bent my head lower, grazing my lips across hers, silently promising her that I would always be here, that I would take care of her. Then we were suddenly both moving with our own frenzied rhythm and it was perfect, she was perfect, we were perfect. It had always been her, it would always be her. I don't know how I could've be so fucking dumb. She was what I'd been missing the last few years, being without her was the reason for my unhappiness. She was the only person that could make me feel like this, who would ever have my heart and I'd missed out on five years of being with her, I'd been so naive. It was her, it would always be Peyton, my Peyton. I couldn't see anything but her, my whole world was spinning as we both soared so high, reaching for the ultimate release. I placed kiss after kiss on her soft skin, my hands running over her possessively, familiarising myself with her body. All too soon everything went white, my whole body tingling as her body shook against me, my face buried into her neck, inhaling her beautiful smell, us both panting heavily. Neither of us spoke a word, basking in each others arms as waves of pleasure rushed through us both. I gradually shifted against her, not daring to pull away though, to risk losing her. I slowly sat up, pulling her with me and leaning against the wall. My hand skimmed over her slender back, drawing imaginary circles. Her hot breath on my shoulder, her chest rising and falling against mine. Neither one of us moved, I never wanted to let go, if only we could stay here in this moment forever, just us as one, where I can hold her, protect her forever, protect her from the world and the cruel people who are out to cause nothing but harm, to protect her from herself.

* * *

_Hi faithful readers! Just a quick note to let u all know that updates won't be quite as frequent for a while cause I have a lot of work due in before xmas and then it's my birthday on christmas eve- woooo, eighteen- finally legal and am planning on doing lots of partying this month! Anyway I'll try and put a chapter up as often as I can but once december is out the way I'll be back to doing my speedy updates! Thankyouuuu so much to the people that review all the time! this story is for you, I wouldn't have bothered carrying on otherwise. Much love Elsie xxx_


	20. Chapter 20

'I have to go in a sec' I mumbled dazedly, god I really didn't want to leave this bed, but I had to- I should. I'd not been home in ages, if you could even call it a home. I should really get back to my life. My head was laying in his lap and his hands were trailing soothingly over my forehead. Last night had been...ahh...I sighed contentedly. It had been wonderful, more than wonderful. Fuck me, I'd never felt so alive in my whole entire life. I felt free, excited and loved, I'd forgotten what any of those things felt like.

'Don't go' He whispered, bending his head down and capturing my lips, in an upside down kiss for a few brief seconds. He gazed into my eyes 'What are we doing here Peyton?' He asked me so seriously, his hand moving down to my face as he looked at me so lovingly, it was enough to make me want to tell him I loved him. I shut my eyes at the thought. I didn't love him. Love didn't exist in my world.

'What do you mean?' I looked up at him confusedly, 'We're lying in bed' I smirked. He smiled, gently manoeuvring my head from his lap and shuffling down beside me so our faces were millimetres away.

'I mean do you want this, you and me?'

I looked down at my hands. I'd been waiting for this conversation and had naively thought I could escape it for a little longer. 'Luke' I sighed.

'That doesn't sound good' He looked at me intently. 'Peyton I want this, I want us. I want you, I want you all the time, every second of every day. I want to be able to call you my girlfriend and not because I'm paying you'

I smiled softly at his words, that sounded so wonderful, but it could never happen. 'Lucas you're the most beautiful person I know and not just because you're easy on the eyes' I could feel my cheeks begin to flush a rosy red. 'You'll make some girl real happy one day'

'I want you to be that girl' He cupped my face, looking at me pleadingly. 'I know you feel the same and I know this is happening really quickly- but it's not as though we've just met- we've got a history. I know you Peyton and I know there are problems but we'll get through them'

'You'll get jealous Luke'

He looked at me disbelievingly 'You're not seriously thinking of going back to that club, to that Rick guy? Why do you think you have to go back there Peyton' He snapped exasperatedly, he'd never understand. 'You'd rather be some object to a load of different guys than have a life- with one person, one person who cares about you?'

'Rick will always find me Luke'

'So we'll ring the police, he can't force you back there. I'll protect you'

I raised my eyebrows sceptically. He couldn't save me, not anymore. 'We can still see each other, you can have me whenever you want' I dismissed him, leaning forward and kissing him forcefully, trying to get him to drop the subject but he wasn't willing to give up that easily.

'I love you' I opened and closed my mouth confusedly. Did he just say he loved me? This was all getting a little fucking serious. 'I fucking love you' He repeated, his eyes wide, staring at me in astonishment, surprised by his own revelation. 'Please don't go back there' He brushed his nose against mine, whispering to me. 'I don't want anyone to hurt you, I don't want anyone else touching you- I love you'

'Luke' I groaned, pleading him to stop as he kissed my neck, god he was making this difficult.

He avoided my eyes. 'I love you, I'm in love with you..I don't want to share you'

'Luke' I pushed him away. 'You, I, I can't' I mumbled lamely as I went to get up. 'I have to go?'

'Where?'

'Does it matter?'

'Yes- I want to know'

'It's none of your business'

He pulled me back onto the bed and pinned my arms above my head. 'Yes it is. Peyton I fucking love you' He shouted angrily.

'You're deluded- you've been with me little over a week. How can you love me?' I closed my eyes, exhaling heavily. 'Can you please get off me' He regarded me for several seconds before slowly releasing my hands from his tight grip and moving himself away from me, breathing heavily. I rubbed my wrists, watching him shift anxiously. Did he think I was mad with him? Cause I wasn't, not at all, I just needed him to see reason. 'Luke?'

'Come on, let's go for a walk' He stated abruptly, in an upbeat tone- anything to stop me from leaving.

'A walk?'

'Yeah you know- you take steps- one foot in front of the other. Sometimes people just do it for pleasure, to see the sights, breathe in the fresh air' He answered smartly. Fucking smug arsehole. I frowned, ignoring his clever comments. 'Come on' He insisted, holding his hand out to me. I looked at it anxiously. 'Be a bit adventurous' He wriggled his eyebrows, causing an amused smile to play on my lips. I placed my hand in his, getting to my feet. A little while longer wouldn't make much difference. A walk sounded nice, normal, safe.

* * *

It was nice- just doing nothing, walking around, talking. We walked through a small gate into a kiddy park. It was no surprise that it was empty, the sky had suddenly turned a dark shade of grey and it looked as if it were about to tip it down. He grabbed my hand and yanked me toward the swings. I was trying not to lead him on, to make him see sense, that there wasn't any chance of us actually working as a couple. We were to dysfunctional to ever work together. We'd already tried it once before, it hadn't worked out, there was always to much drama, drama, drama. But being with him, it felt so right, I wanted to be close to him. I was feeling so happy whilst I was with him- although that was probably something to do with the coke I'd taken. He'd turned a blind eye when I'd disappeared into the bathroom to take a line earlier- he wasn't stupid, I know he knew what I'd been doing in there but yet for the first time he hadn't given me a lecture or so much as attempt to get me not to and I know it's because he doesn't want me to leave, he didn't want to cause an argument in case I ran off. I knew it bothered him though. It bothered him a lot. Every time he saw me take the shit he tensed up. I don't get it. He's no angel, I bet he's had his fair share of drugs. I took a drag of my cigarette as I watched him sit down on the swing. He looked up at me expectantly, gesturing for me to join him. I raised my eyebrows, shooting him a disapproving look. 'Come on blondie' I smirked, slowly edging forward, disposing of my fag before placing my hands on the chains, carefully sliding my legs over his, straddling his lap.'Ready?' He didn't give me much chance to respond, pushing off with his feet.

'Luke' I linked my hands round his neck, my legs gripping around his waist, clinging to him for dear life. My apprehensive frown vanished as I looked into his blue eyes, an immediate wide smile appearing on my lips. 'Luke' He grinned back at me. I could remember this feeling. I remember sitting on my dads lap like this- soaring into the sky. I bravely moved my hands back to the chains, leaning back and closing my eyes as he continued to swing us- up and down, higher and higher. I felt like I was flying. I could feel his eyes burning into me and reluctantly opened my eyes, staring at him as the swing glided through the cold air. Fucking hell, why'd he always have to look so dam cute? Not releasing his hands from the chains, he lent forward, capturing my mouth in a hasty kiss. His tongue flicked across my lips, urging them open as light specs of rain began to fall. A small moan reverberated from the back of my throat as our tongues entwined together, sliding over one another, both fighting for control. I trembled as one of his hands snaked around me, pushing me hard against him. My hands were cupping his face now. The only thing preventing me from falling to the ground were my legs wrapped around him. We both slowly withdrew, gasping for air. I opened my bleary eyes. The swing was swaying gently now, the rain falling more heavily, pounding down on us. 'It's raining' I stated dumbly.

'Really?' He asked sarcastically, his hands running through my wet hair.

'Really' I confirmed, hitting him playfully. He feigned hurt, pouting like a five year old 'Aw baby, sorry did I hurt you?' I bent my head forward, pecking his arm where I'd just hit him. 'Better?'

'Much' His hands slid round my waist, roaming lower and lower until they settled on my backside. He kissed my neck gently, before slowly standing, effortlessly lifting me with him. He pecked my lips one last time before setting my feet back on the ground.'I think we should go back to mine before one of us gets pneumonia' I looked at him unsure. I needed him to see that this had just been a bit of fun, nothing serious would ever come of us. I was meant to be going back to mine not his and I really didn't want him to think I'd changed my mine. But I didn't want to go back to mine. It's dark, cold and wet and the last thing I want right now is to be in my shitty flat by myself. This was getting really fucking stupid- where has the independent Peyton Sawyer gone- where ever she is I need her back pronto, I can't keep depending on Lucas like this. He thought we could live a fairy tale. Well I'd been through enough fucking shit in my life to see that there isn't such a bloody thing. 'Peyton I know you're scared'

'I'm not scared of anything or anyone' I snapped defensively.

'You know someone once told me that there's nothing wrong with fairy tales- they all live happily ever after'. I gazed up at him as he slid his hand over mine. How did he do that. It's like he could read my bloody mind. 'Peyton I know it's hard to see- to think that it could be possible but we could be happy- I promise. This could be our happily ever after and if you walk away we'll never know what could've been...Please, come back with me, be with me- just give us a chance, please Peyton...please?'


	21. Chapter 21

I sighed, closing my apartment door behind me. Things hadn't exactly gone as planned- I was back home…alone. She'd insisted that she had to go back to that shitty little flat of hers and told me that I couldn't go with her. I threw my jacket over the back of the leather sofa and slung myself onto to it, burying my head in the pillows. I knew she wanted to be with me- why couldn't she just accept what she was feeling. Peyton Sawyer was never one for truly sharing what was going through that complicated mind of hers though. She'd always been like this. If ever there was a problem, an argument, she'd just run. Whenever we'd had a fight it would always end with her storming out and drowning her sorrows with a bottle of wine. I wish I could just get through to her that there isn't a thing she could do that would make me think less of her, there wasn't a thing she could tell me that would make me love her any less. I'm completely in love with her and I guess when you're in love with someone you accept them for who they are. I wish she could just open up and tell me what she's scared of, why she's scared of us being together. It could all be so simple if she'd just let me in. My phone ringing in my jean pocket tore me from my thoughts. It made me jump so much so that I flipped over, landing on the floor, like the fucking pratt I am. I looked around, dazed for a few seconds, before returning my attention to the persistent vibrating coming my pocket, retrieving my phone hastily. A smile graced my lips as her beautiful name flashed across the screen. 'Hello. Couldn't last long without me huh?' I smirked. She'd see soon enough that she belonged here- with me.

'L…Luke?' She mumbled breathlessly into the phone. Her quivering voice wiped the smug smile from my face. Fuck what had happened? I knew I shouldn't have let her go, I should have at least insisted on walking her back- what if something awful happened.

'Peyton? Peyton' My voice was loud, my heart thumping away furiously as I waited for some response.

'Luke' She repeated shakily.

'Peyton where are you? What's happened? Are you ok?'

'I…I need you to…to come to my place'

'I'll be right there' I scrambled to my feet, already heading to the door as I spoke, my phone pressed to my ear, straining to hear her. 'What's happened?…Peyton?' I groaned angrily- she'd hung up.

* * *

I was breathing heavily by the time I'd got to her building and raced up to her floor, I don't think I've ever run so fucking fast in my life. I pounded my fists against the door, her name falling from my lips in a raspy murmur as I tried to catch my breath. 'Peyton?' The door suddenly opened and before I had time to look at the person on the other side I was being jerked inside.

'What the fuck?' I shouted, yanking my arm from the strangers grip. My eyes slowly scanned the room. There were three men- that fucking Rick tosser and two other guys I didn't recognise. She was stood beside Rick, blood trailing from her nose down to her chin. She avoided my eyes, not daring to breathe a word. 'What have you fucking done to her?' I shouted accusingly, running over to her and reaching out to touch her cheek. She cowered away from me. 'Peyton' I whispered, urging her to look at me but she refused eye contact. 'Peyton?' I groaned irritably, turning my attention to finding something to clean her up with. I stumbled over her messy floor to the sink, running a tea towel under the tap before returning to her.

'Leave her' I faintly heard Rick but continued to see to her wounds, gently pressing the cool material to her lip. 'I said leave her' I was suddenly yanked away by the two other men, each taking a firm grip on either of my arms, keeping me at a distance. 'Get the fuck off me.'

'Now, now Mr. Scott, try and stay calm.' The fucking smarmy git smiled at me.

'Don't hurt her' I said more calmly, her life was in danger, I had to stay calm and think logically. Just take deep breaths Luke, deep breaths. But it was easily said than done. Rick viciously jerked her to him.

'Looks like you got yourself a little hero' He whispered into her ear, his hand running down her body 'I'm going to make this easy for you Mr Scott, just do as I say and everything will be fine' He looked up at me with a smirk on his face.

'Just let her go'

'What're you going to do if I don't? I think we both know that I can kick your ass.'

I lost my cool and began to struggle furiously, trying to escape the vice like grip I was being held in. 'Get the fuck off me'

'Now, now' Rick sniggered. 'This will all be over soon and you can return to your life. You see, you've spent a lot of time with Peyton over the last couple of weeks - I'm a fair guy- I just want what I'm owed and then you can forget all about this'.

'You can have my money- just leave her alone, she comes with me'

'Awww babe I think he's fallen for you' He cooed into her ear, she cringed as his lips brushed across her cheek, his eyes on me as he flicked his tongue sickeningly over her soft skin.

'Stop it' I snapped, I couldn't fucking watch him touch her like that but my rage was only provoking his behaviour.

'She likes it, don't you babe?' She exhaled heavily turning her head to look up at him.

'Please, lets just go' It was the first words she'd spoken since I'd arrived- her voice croaky and quiet. She stared at him with such desperation. 'He doesn't owe you anything' Fucking hell, is she completely crazy- she couldn't go anywhere with this lunatic. I wasn't going to let her leave with him, how could she seriously think I'd let her walk out of here with this fucking psycho, he'd hurt her.

'You mean to tell me you haven't fucked him' She shook her head. He gave her a loathsome smile, nodding understandingly for a few seconds before he struck her with such force that she stumbled backward shrieking as instant tears fell from her eyes. Her screech made me feel sick, hitting the pit of my stomach and sending tremors of fear reverberating through my body. The terrified scream that had arose from the back of her throat faded into a whimper when his malicious hand clamped down over her mouth. I swallowed hard, staring at him.

'Don't fucking hurt her' I ordered, although I was beginning to see I didn't really have much authority within the situation, here I was, hands held behind my back by two guys bigger than myself, helpless to her aid. As expected my demand went unheard.

'That was for fucking lying' He growled at her. She whimpered loudly as his fingers dug into her soft skin. 'No more screaming' He snapped before slowly removing his hand from her mouth.

'I..I'm not lying' She whispered.

'Look at this Peyton?' He thrust a newspaper article in front of her face, with a picture of us both together on it, which I can only guess talked about some kind of relationship we were having. 'I'm not fucking stupid' He looked at me. 'Did she tell you what she is? What she does?' He grabbed her upper arm, yanking her in front of him and pointing her in my direction. 'She's a fucking hooker- she sells her body' He smiled. 'She's easy to fall for' He commented, looking at me sympathetically. 'I don't blame you- She's a good fuck. But she's nothing but a slut'

'Don't talk about her like that'

'Aw look at him defending you babe' She gasped as he jolted her body forward, looking up at him fearfully. He gripped her chin. The fucking bastard, I swallowed thickly as I watched him stare at her. He was looking at her so sickeningly, undressing her with his dark eyes. 'Why don't you take a seat Mr Scott?' The two tossers holding me, forcefully pushed on my shoulders causing my body to involuntarily fall onto a chair. 'Right- this is what's going to happen. You and I are going to go for a little ride to the bank. If you try anything stupid Peyton will be the one to suffer, so I suggest you do as I say- ok?' I nodded mutely, I don't know how I could've been so naive- I let her come back here by herself, it didn't even cross my mind that she would be in trouble for not showing up at the club- I'd caused this mess, this was all my fault, she was hurt because of me. 'Sorry what was that?' He said patronisingly.

'Ok' I nodded again, the sooner I complied with his wants the better chance I had of getting her out of here and for good this time,


	22. Chapter 22

The door slammed shut, they were gone, Lucas was gone. Fuck. The sob that had been threatening to escape my mouth for the last ten minutes finally erupted and the tears that had clouded my vision long ago ran down my cheeks. He never deserved any of this. He's a decent, normal guy and because of me he's just been blackmailed into handing over money. After explaining several more times that if he tried anything there'd be consequences, Rick and one of the other guys that works with him, accompanied Lucas out, leaving me alone with Tony. I ran a trembling hand over my face, brushing my curls out of my eyes. A loud whimper escaped my dry mouth as I stared at the remnants of blood and tears left on my finger tips, he'd never hurt me this bad before, never. With a sudden urgency I stumbled over the messy floor to the sink, running my hands under the tap- watching the now brown tinged water swirl down the plug hole. 'Here' I glanced up to see a hand holding a towel out to me, my eyes slowly trailed up to look at Tony, glaring at him with pure disgust. He'd worked at the club ever since I'd been there and I'd always thought he was alright, he'd always fort off the sleazy guys, but now, he was holding me fucking hostage in my own flat, not to mention he'd just stood by and watched Rick hit me until I'd given in and rung Lucas as ordered. I snatched the wet towel from his hand and stalked over to the mirror, swallowing thickly as I took in my reflection. 'Here, sit down' I immediately pulled my arm away from him, throwing him an icy glare. 'I'm just trying to help you' He ignored my look, placing a bowl of water on the floor and firmly taking a hold of me, forcing me onto the chair. 'Shh' I was still sniffling, unable to stop the sudden overflow of tears. I took a few sharp shallow breaths. He gently tilted my chin, carefully pressing the warm material to my split lip. 'It's not to bad' I swallowed thickly, easy for him to say, he wasn't the one with a throbbing cheek and a pounding headache.

'Tony please, Let me go- you could let me go, I could call the police, Lucas doesn't deserve this, he's a good guy' I mustered the strength to say, looking at him pleadingly, my whole body overcome with guilt.

'Peyton, Rick's my friend and my boss' He shook his head.

'You're not like Rick though, you're a good person'

He bent over the bowl, ringing out the discoloured towel before looking up into my eyes.

'That rich twat will live- he's got thousands' He dismissed, now concentrating on my bloody nose.

'Please' I whispered hopefully.

His fingers linked with mine and he was silent for a long time. 'You're so beautiful' I instantly recoiled from his touch, yanking my hand back, immediately recognising that lustful look on his face. He snickered, raising his hand and stroking it over my pounding cheek.

'Rick wouldn't want you touching me' I mumbled, attempting to get him to move away.

'I'm sure he wouldn't mind, anyway he doesn't have to know, does he?' He smirked. I was on my feet in seconds, trying to get away. My eyes snapped shut as his hand laced around my waist.

'Tony' His name escaped my dry mouth pleadingly, He could stop this, he could stop this in a second, he didn't have to do this.

'I just don't get girls like you' he sneered, his hand trailing relentlessly up and down my goose pimple covered arm. 'This is all your fault, you chose this life. You dress like a complete slut and you complain the second a guy shows you any attention. - what's wrong with me? you'll sleep with any other man?' He demanded. I swallowed, watching his eyes turn dark and angry.

'There, there's nothing wrong with you I just, I don't want to, I don't want to be that person anymore, I never wanted any of this' I tried to get him to see reason. 'I, I never wanted to be this person' I stuttered as he began to push me toward the bed. 'Tony please, don't do this' I turned to move in the opposite direction but didn't get very far. 'Let go' I ordered, I couldn't get Luke's earlier words out of my mind, he'd told me he was in love with me, that he wanted to be with me, protect me, he didn't want to share me- he loved me- how? I do not know, after everything he knew about me and he still loved me.

'No one will ever want you, you'll always be a whore- you think that Lucas loves you?' He sniggered. He's wrong, Lucas told me, he told me he was in love with me. My legs hit the bed and I toppled back wards.

'No, look please, I can't' I mumbled helplessly as his suffocating weight was suddenly atop of me, giving me no room to escape.

'Shhhh' His hands fumbled over my body, working with what was available to his hungry eyes. He soon got bored of my exterior being, tugging at my skimpy top, searching out more flesh. His fingers laced over the buttons trying to reveal more skin, I pulled back, trying to prevent his assault going any further, but my abrupt movement met the resistance of his tight grasp, causing the buttons to give way. I fell back against the mattress, making a feeble attempt to conceal my now visible bra clad chest from his dark eyes. It was no good, he was stronger. I closed my eyes, resigning myself to the inevitable, not bothering to struggle as callous hands began to crawl beneath my skirt, yanking roughly at my underwear. He was right, it was my fault, I wouldn't be laying here if it hadn't been for all the stupid choices I'd made during my life, I was such a train wreck. I deserve absolutely everything that's coming. I adjusted my legs, preparing myself for the unwelcome invasion as his slobbery mouth reigned sticky kisses over my non responsive mouth. He was right, no one would ever want me, I'd always have this history, no one could ever possibly love me. I turned my head to the side at the tell tale sound of his zipper being undone. I pushed Lucas from my mind, intent on going to another place, this wasn't really happening but all to soon I was bought back to reality as his body slammed into my hips, I gasped at the sudden intrusion, I pushed myself back into the mattress, my hands held down. I felt sick as my heart pounded furiously along with his heavy breathing in my ear. My whole body jarred as I forced myself to endure the pain of every thrust and not fight him, I deserved it after all.

'GET THE FUCK OFF HER' My eyes sprang open at the familiar voice, seconds later I was suddenly free, the heavy weight left my body and a cool rush of air hit me. 'You fucking bastard' I lay startled, my breathing heavy, I blinked, Lucas? Suddenly very much aware that I was completely exposed to the world, my hands fell to my skirt, yanking down and I attempted to hold my gaping top over my chest. I was semi aware of him punching Tony over and over. 'You touch her again and I'll kill you, you hear me?' A few more punches were thrown and then the door suddenly slammed and he appeared in front of me. He was breathing heavily, drops of sweat trailing down his creased forehead, his brow furrowed fretfully as his eyes finally met mine. His shaking hand rose, his fingers raking through his messy hair, his eyes slowly trailing up and down my body, I swallowed back the lump rising in my throat, sniffling loudly. His eyes slowly returned to mine.

'How, I, Where's Rick?' My hoarse voice managed, I didn't know what to say. The last thing I was expecting was for Lucas to walk back through my door and beat the shit out of Tony, where his strength had come from I don't know and I don't have a fucking clue how he managed to get back here- I'm pretty sure he couldn't have taken on both Rick and that other tosser. He sat down on the bed looking at me pitifully, his eyes on my underwear still tangled around my ankles. I shifted uneasily, fuck it hurts. I bit my lip, hastily standing on shaky legs and pulling the distracting undergarment back over my thighs, my back to him as I rearranged my skirt and sat back down.

'I should get you to a hospital' He mumbled, his hand reaching out to touch my shoulder but just before it reached me it recoiled, returning to it's spot on the mattress, great I repulse him so much he can't even fucking touch me. I exhaled heavily.

'I'm fine Lucas. Where's Rick?' I mumbled.

'I'm sorry I left you alone so long, the bank- I couldn't, I...' He trailed off. I glanced over my shoulder, watching him cradling his head in his hands. I didn't need his fucking pity, it didn't matter, nothing mattered.

'Where's Rick?' I snapped impatiently, his head darting up at my tone.

'You don't have to worry about him anymore, any of them. They won't bother you again'.

'What?'

'We went to the bank, I gave them money- I have more money than you can possibly imagine Peyt. I offered him a deal he couldn't possibly refuse- they won't come near you again' My vision began to blur. 'Hey' He moved closer, hesitantly wrapping his warm arms around me. 'It's going to be ok now- I'm going to look after you, no one will hurt you again, I'm so sorry' I dissolved into his hug, sobbing as he apologised, he had nothing to apologise for. 'I love you Peyton'


	23. Chapter 23

I ran my shaking hands under the cold water, rinsing the blood off of my knuckles. My heart was still racing, I'd been functioning on pure adrenaline for the last hour and now I was back home, I was feeling like a complete drained mess. I glanced up in the mirror, studying my permanently furrowed brow. Everything had happened so quickly, it was all a confused jumble of flashes in my mind. My fingers were going numb. I took a sharp breath, turning the tap off and rubbing my sore hands with a towel. I'd never hit someone like that before, I'd never been that out of control, felt that sick, that angry- I'd wanted to kill him. I grabbed myself a couple of aspirin from the cabinet before returning to the living room where I'd left her with numerous ice packs. She was curled up on the leather sofa, a cushion clutched over her stomach. I grimaced from the doorway, watching her from afar. She needed a hospital. I was no doctor, I didn't know what to do. 'Let me take you to the hospital' I sat on the coffee table and brushed her hair gently away from her face reaching for a cool flannel and placing it over her forehead. After stuffing a few of her belongings into a bag, we'd gotten out of her flat as quickly as possible and she wasn't ever going back there if I had anything to do with it.

'No, I'm ok' She closed her eyes.

'Peyt-'

'I'm ok'

I sighed, stroking her hand. 'Do you want me to get you anything?'

'No'

'Are you hungry?'

'Lucas stop fussing' She snapped in annoyance, her frown quickly softened into a sad smile. 'I'm sorry, I just- I don't need anything ok? I'm fine' I nodded glumly. She was far from fine and I didn't have a clue how to deal with it. 'I think I'm going to go take a bath'

'No' I said abruptly. 'Peyt, let me take you to the hospital- they can do a rape test, we can get that bastard locked up'

'I am not going to the hospital' she growled.

'Peyton'

'Lucas I said no'

'That twat is still out there, he could hurt another girl'

'Luke I worked for them , I sold my body- it's not like I-'

'What so you deserved that did you?' I shook my head, she really did think she deserved it, she really did think that's how she should be treated. I grabbed her hands. 'Peyton, no one, no one' I repeated. 'deserves to be treated like you have, you said no, no means no, he raped you'

'I'm not going to the hospital' She whispered. I exhaled heavily.

'Ok, no hospital' I agreed, admitting defeat. She relaxed a little, slowly getting to her feet, trying to hide her wince as she stood.

'I'm going to take that bath'

'Do you want some help, I-'

'No'

'Why don't I ring Haley, she could come over and-'

'Luke' She whimpered. 'Please, just stop' She reached out, squeezing my hand reassuringly. 'I'm ok' A small, forced smile graced her lips, her eyes completely void of any emotion. I rubbed a hand over my forehead, waiting until she'd disappeared into the bathroom before kicking the wall, trying to relieve some of the vent up anger I was feeling. I felt so responsible, so useless to her.

'Fuck' I cursed under my breath, hopping around on my foot like a fucking dickhead. I limped over to the kitchen, sitting on a stool and gazing out the window as I lit myself a well in need fag, debating whether I should just go ahead and call a doctor out. I couldn't decide what would be worse? Her going absolutely psycho on me or watching her amble around in this much pain. The phone ringing startled me from my thoughts. I sighed, reaching over the kitchen counter and picking it up. 'Hello?'

'Hey Broody, long time no chat' A way too cheery voice sounded on the other end. 

'Oh, hey Brooke'

'Well it's nice to hear from you too' She responded, her voice dripping with sarcasm at my off hand hello. 

'Sorry' I immediately apologised. I could almost see her rolling her eyes in response.

'So you should be, you could be a little more enthusiastic.' I smiled, having a conversation with Brooke Davis always managed to brighten your mood no matter what the circumstances._ 'Are you alright? I've just been on the phone to Hales, she says you were mugged the other week?' _That seemed like forever ago, so much had happened in the last couple of weeks. 

'I'm fine now. So what's going on in the world of Miss Davis- where are you calling from, England, Paris? I haven't seen you in too long Brooke'

'Well that's what I was ringing about- I was planning on going back to Tree Hill for Christmas, will you be there?'

'Er' I glanced toward the bathroom. I'd forgotten that the season of good will was here and Christmas was only a couple of weeks away what with all the drama that had been going on in my life recently. 'I guess' I raked my hand through my hair. 'Of course' I said more surely, I had to be there at Christmas, my mum and not to mention my little sister would probably kill me if I didn't make an appearance. I'm sure Hales and Nate wouldn't be to impressed either seeing as they would be making the effort to go back home to Tree Hill and we usually flew back together.

'And will a certain green eyed blonde be joining you?' She asked unsubtly. I very much doubt that Peyton would want to spend Christmas with us lot after the way she reacted to Haley but I couldn't leave her on her own, she'd have to come. 

'Probably'

'Awwww yay. You two are together?'

'Er-' I slid off my stool and paced the room, I didn't like this subject.

'You two are so meant to be. I'm really happy for you Luke, you deserve her'. I sighed, I didn't really know what we were right now, it wasn't really something I wanted to bring up after what she'd been through only a few hours ago. I didn't know if we were together? dating? or if she was going to declare she wanted to leave after a few days, but one thing I did know was that I wasn't giving up on her without a fight, she needed me more than ever right now. _'I can't wait to see her. I can't believe we just drifted apart. She's meant to be my best friend, we so have a lot of catching up to do and-'_

'She's not had the best time of it Brooke' I interrupted, I wanted to pre-warn her that she was probably going to be quite shocked when she saw her.

'I know Haley mentioned that she snapped at her the other week when she came and saw you, she said she was stressed out with work or something and that she looked way too thin'

'Well-'

'Know fear Broody, I'll fatten her up over Christmas, so what have you two been up too? I bet you haven't left the bedroom in weeks have you Mr. Scott?'

'Ha ha' I mock laughed, walking over to the bathroom door, my mind on Peyton; she'd been in their ages now.

'Oh I'm so looking forward to Christmas. It's going to be like a little reunion, I think Hales me and P Sawyer are well in need of some girly time.'

'Er Brooke, Peyton, she, she's quite fragile right now, she's not the same-'

'What do you mean?'

I was no longer really paying attention to Brooke, instead straining my ears to hear some kind of movement from inside the bathroom, my stomach sinking as I heard her sob on the other side of the door. '- er Brooke, listen now's not a good time, can I ring you back?'

'Sure Broody, everything ok?' She queried, sensing my worry. 

'Er yeah, I'm just busy with work- I'll call you back. It was good to hear your voice though and I'll see you in a couple of weeks.'

'Definitely. bye then'

'Bye' I hung up, setting the phone down before leaning against the door again, bracing myself to be shouted at as I slowly turned the handle to let myself in, 'Peyt-'

'I'm not finished' She shouted before I'd even entered the room. I pushed the door further open and stalked in. 'GET OUT' She screeched at me. I swallowed thickly before hesitantly deciding to ignore her demand and kneel down on the tiled floor beside her instead. 'Get the fuck out' She growled again, her legs pulled up to her chest, her shaking arms wrapped securely round them both. Again, I ignored her order, dipping my hand in the water, grimacing at how fucking cold the it was.

'Fuck Peyton, what're you doing? You're going to freeze to death.' I hastily reached forward, turning the hot water on.

'I said get the fuck out Lucas' She flailed her arms unexpectedly, splashing water over me. I rose to my feet, quickly taking a step back. Fucking Christ. After the initial shock wore off my eyes averted back to hers, she was staring at me with angry eyes. 'Get out' Her voice was dangerously low and if looks could kill, I think I'd be dead round about now.

'I'm not going anywhere' I announced firmly, hesitantly moving back to my spot on the floor, testing the water again. It was considerably warmer now, steam rising up around her thin body. 'Here lay back' I gently touched her shoulder and she cowered away, still shielding her body from my eyes.

'Please get out' She whimpered desperately, all anger gone.

'Peyton' I exhaled heavily. 'Please, you don't have to always be strong, you don't have to be on your own' My eyebrows furrowed concernedly. 'Please, just let me help you.' Much to her dismay I carefully managed to wrench her rigid arms away from her legs, guiding her back so her body was completely submerged in the warmth.

'I don't need any help' She shook her head, the water rippled as she tried to get up and move away but I held her down.

'Shhh' I hushed, my eyes inadvertently travelling up and down her frail form for the first time. 'I'm not going anywhere Peyt' Water sluiced over her bruised body, her flesh looking even pastier in the low light. I drew a deep breath, trying my hardest to disguise the sudden lump rising in the back of my throat. I felt physically sick, she looked so broken and I couldn't fix this, I didn't know how to fix her. An array of bruises painted her body. I met her weary eyes, her ragged breath caught in the back of her throat and she exhaled heavily as tears slipped over her cheeks. I warily grabbed a sponge from the side, dipping it in the water before gingerly squeezing it over her shivering shoulders and lightly trailing it over her, soothing her tense body. It took some time but she finally began to relax in my company. 'Are you still cold?' I finally broke the comfortable silence that had bestowed us some fifteen minutes ago. She glanced at me, giving me a curt nod. 'Lets get you warm and dry then' I effortlessly helped her up, being as gentle as I could, wrapping a towel around her, rubbing her shoulders and cradling her in my arms.

'I wish you'd not come back to mine, I wish you'd just come back here and forgotten about me today' She mumbled into my chest.

'What? Don't say that' I rubbed her back, holding her tight against me. 'Peyton, I'd do anything for you' I whispered convincingly into her hair and I meant it. I really would do anything for her, I wish I could've done more, I wish I could've saved her from today, from all the pain she's had to endure in her life. 'I'd give my life for you' She looked up at me with puzzled eyes, tears trailing down her red cheeks.

'Why?'

'How many times am I going to have to say it before you believe me?' I smiled lightly, hoping that this time she might get it, might understand that I was serious about us, about everything. 'Peyton I love you'.


	24. Chapter 24

I tapped my fingers restlessly on the edge of the table glancing over my shoulder every few seconds. I snapped my head back toward the transparent plastic bag laying on the wooden surface. I was out of coke and was in need of hit. I needed it, right now. Sure I was beyond grateful for everything he'd done for me, everything he'd put up with but yesterday he'd cut me off from the one thing I was craving more than anything right now. Rick was the one who supplied me with the shit, without him I had no source. I slid my jacket over my shaking arms. I needed it. I needed to go beg for my job back 'Where are you going?' I jumped at his voice, closing my eyes.

'I need some air' I looked at him straight in the face, hoping he'd accept my answer. I forced myself to walk, I still ached all over and my cheek hurt at every slight expression I made.

'I'll come'

'No, I want to be on my own' I pulled open his apartment door and was about to walk out when he suddenly pulled me back inside. 'Lucas'

'Peyton I'm not stupid' He informed me, pushing the door shut and locking it with a key.

'Please I have to go, I need it, Luke please' I tugged at his shirt helplessly. He didn't have a fucking clue what it felt like. He made it sound so easy. It wasn't. My body needs it, I need it.

'You're staying here' He walked away from me, sitting himself down while I tugged at the door, hoping it would give way.

'Lucas' I groaned angrily, I curled my fists, hitting the door pathetically. I was soon a sobbing mess, pleading him over and over to let me go until I finally, wearily slid down the door to the floor.

'You think I'm going to let you go back there? To those people?' He snapped at me. I could tell by his intense glare that he was finding it hard to comprehend what was going through my mind right now. 'These people hurt you'

'I don't care' I mumbled. Of course I cared, it's just my need outweighed any pain I'd ever been caused, anything bad that had ever happened. I closed my eyes for a few seconds. I was so drained, I hate feeling so weak.

'Well I do' He answered. I glanced up, to see him crouched down in front of me now. 'I care what happens to you even if you don't give a shit about yourself'

I sniggered. 'You can't keep me locked up in here forever' I tried to get up, but I couldn't physically move, I felt so fucking weary. 'I never asked you to interfere with my life, if you'd just left it well enough alone we'd all be happily living our own lives- but you couldn't' I glowered at him, reaching out with all my strength and grabbing at his t-shirt like some crazed animal. 'You're lonely aren't you? That's why you feel the need to fuck up my life. You always have to be the fucking hero don't you?' I spat. He stroked my hair away from my sweaty forehead.

'Peyton I'm just trying to help you' He sighed.

'No you're not, I'm just a fucking possession that you can use and get rid of'' So far my evil taunts hadn't caused him to snap. 'You're just like your dad' I watched evilly as the colour drained from his face, his eyes narrowing angrily.

'Don't you ever compare me to him, I'm nothing like him.' He growled. I'd hit a nerve. He'd dropped his hands from my face to my shoulders, gripping them tightly, pushing me back against the door. His teeth were gritted together and I could tell he so badly wanted to throttle me. He was looking at me so disgustedly and I hated it, but it's just what I'd intended. I needed him to hate me, I needed him to throw me out so I could go get myself a hit, I needed him not to care.

'Go on, hit me' I growled. 'Just do it. Hit me. You're just like everyone else. Go on. HIT ME' My eyes were fiery as I shouted at him. He suddenly released me, stumbling away from me. I couldn't tell what he was thinking. He looked angry, mad even and yet hurt, all at the same time.

'I'm not like any of them Peyton. I'd never hit you, never' He said almost inaudibly. I was shaking now. God I fucking wanted a line and I was beginning to see there wasn't a thing I could say to make him flip out, to make him no longer care. That just wasn't Lucas Scott. He was just too fucking nice and there wasn't a thing I could say to make him chuck me out of his flat. He grabbed the furry blanket that was hanging over the back of the leather sofa and walked solemnly back over to me, draping it round my shoulders. He looked so fucking sad. He sat down next to me and effortlessly lifted my underweight body into his strong, safe arms, rocking me. 'You can get through this Peyt. It's going to be hard but I can help you through this. You don't need that shit'

'Yes, yes I do' I begged to differ. 'Please, please go get me some, I'll do anything'

'Shhh' He dismissed, his hot steady breath on the side of my face. 'Let's try distracting you'

'You can't fucking distract me' I mumbled into his chest, did he really think it was that bloody simple. I wasn't some child that wanted some sweets.

'Do you remember the first time we met?' I looked up at him through bleary eyes, refusing to participate in this pointless conversation. 'Your car broke down. You hated me' He was painfully silent for a few minutes, forcing me to respond.

'I didn't hate you' I whispered.

'Well you weren't the friendliest of people but hey not a lots changed in that department' I made a small effort to hit him but it was more like a pathetic tap against his chest. 'I'd had my eye on you long before then though'

'So you told me- more like on my scrawny chicken legs' I mumbled offended, recalling past conversations we'd had during my time at school in Tree Hill.

'I love your fucking legs' He murmured into the top of my head. I couldn't prevent the small smile that appeared on my lips but kept my head down, refusing to let him see.

'What else do you like?' I asked tentatively, still keeping my head buried in his chest as he continued to rock me.

'Your green tragic eyes'

'Tragic?'

'In a good way- it makes you mysterious, enchanting'

'You do talk a load of shit Luke'

He let out a small chuckle before speaking again. 'Your hands' He pulled back the blanket slightly, exposing my right hand to his view and he lightly trailed his fingers over mine. 'There so elegant, you have artists hands'. I looked up at him with raised eyebrows. 'Your nose' He tapped my nose. 'Your perfect, perfect lips'. He dipped his head, kissing me tenderly for a few seconds before withdrawing. 'You're beautiful, I love everything about you' He mumbled. I sighed tiredly. I don't know how he could even think of telling me I looked beautiful right now- half of my face was bruised, I was shaking, sweating and had been completely delirious for the past half hour- it couldn't have been a pretty sight. But so he kept telling me, he apparently was in love with me. I closed my eyes, laying my head back onto his chest, sleep slowly taking over my weary body, hoping that maybe if I gave in, I'd feel better when I awake.

'I'm sorry'

'You have nothing to be sorry for Peyt'

'I shouldn't have said that about your dad, it's not true, you're nothing like him' I mumbled sleepily. 'I'm sorry Luke'


	25. Chapter 25

'You could at least pretend that you're having fun' I stated. She'd been in a foul mood ever since we'd left the apartment which I'd literally had to drag her out of. I'd needed to get out of there though, her hideous temper was really starting to get me down. I know she can't help it, I know she's been through a load of shit and is going through withdrawal but I really couldn't stand another second of watching her loll around my apartment. It had been eleven days, eleven torturous days. The first couple had been the worst, she'd been so exhausted and yet found it difficult to sleep and when she was awake she was so fucking agitated that I couldn't do a single thing to soothe her and then she'd been sleeping excessively. The last few days had been better though, she'd not even asked to leave, not even begged me once to go get her some cocaine, which was a first but she was so miserable that it was hard to imagine her ever being properly happy again.

'I'm cold' She scowled. 'And I don't want to be here' I ignored her grouchy reply, taking her hand and leading her through the rows of trees, inspecting them in search of the perfect one. Nothing like a bit of Christmas tree shopping to get you into the joyful sprit.

'How about this one'

'I really don't care Lucas, just hurry up and choose one' She readjusted the scarf I'd issued her with, self consciously tugging it higher, trying to disguise the bruises on her face that had now gone a mixture of pale purples and yellow.

'Alright this one' I distracted her from her fidgety behaviour.

'Out of all the ones here you're going to choose that one' I smirked at her remark.

'I thought you didn't care?'

'I don't it's just there are hundreds of trees here and you choose the dead one' She turned her nose up.

'It's not dead, it has character' I defended.

'Well I guarantee it won't make it two days' She said surely.

'And when did you become a Christmas tree expert?'

She scrunched her nose up and stuck her tongue out. 'Actually I am' She fired back. 'My dad used to take me with him every year, he knew a lot about trees' I put my hands up, bowing mockingly. 'Just choose which ever sodding one you like. Just hurry up' She snapped impatiently, ignoring my immature behaviour.

'Which one do you propose Miss Sawyer?' I stopped my playful actions. She glared at me for several seconds, before pointing at a tree a little way down. It was smallish, but the perfect shape and I had to admit was far better than my choice. 'Well that one it is then' I linked our fingers, tugging her toward it.

'Why are you even bothering with a bloody tree anyway? Aren't you going back to Tree Hill for Christmas?'

I avoided her eyes, paying the bloke for our specially selected tree before reluctantly looking at her. 'Uhuh'

'Well I certainly don't want to be surrounded by a load of tinsel and shit while you're gone thanks'

'I thought it would be fun- decorating the apartment, we can't not have any decorations up, the lead up to Christmas is just as good- it tis the season of good will and happiness' I wiggled my eyebrows, trying to coax a smile out of her. 'Besides' I averted my eyes to the two young lads, loading the tree onto the car. 'You won't be alone, you're coming with me to Tree Hill and I can assure you my mum and Lils will have decorated so you better get used to it. Thanks boys, here you go, Merry Christmas' I patted their backs appreciatively as they finished, generously handing them over several notes for their labour.

'Whoa thanks mister- happy Christmas'

'Your welcome'

'You what?' Peyton's snappy voice sounded in my ear.

'What sweetie?' I faked a questioning glance, trying not to erupt into laughter at the infamous Peyton Sawyer glare she was giving me. I opened the car door and got in the driving side, patiently waiting for her to join me.

'I'm not coming with you to Tree Hill Lucas' She slammed the door as she sat down.

'I've already paid for our tickets. We leave on the twenty third'.

'I'm not going'

'Peyton I'm not having this argument with you- you're coming and that's final' I said domineeringly, looking forward to the enraged retort that was surely to follow.

'Don't fucking talk to me like that- you can't tell me what I can and can't do' She snapped. I calmly pulled out onto the main road.

'Well I just did' I smiled, only further infuriating her.

'I'm not coming. I'm not going to spend Christmas with your family Luke, I won't. I hate this fucking time of year, it's all a big waste of time.'

'Christ, Mr Scrooge much? Look, I'm not leaving you on your own and I can't miss this, my mum already thinks I don't visit enough and Hales and Nate would be so pissed at me not to mention an angry little sister' I decided not to mention Brooke, Haley and Nate's presence was enough for her to deal with right now.

'I'm not asking you to miss it Luke, did I say that? I just don't want to be apart of your merry family get together. I'm a big girl, I think I can manage by myself'. I took my eyes of the road for a mere second, shooting her a sceptical look. 'What? You don't think I can?'

'Peyton, I.' I took a breath, trying to word it in the best possible way and avoid being beaten to death. 'You've done so well the last week and a half, you're clean but the temptations still there and I really don't think you can trust yourself right now' I don't know how many times I'd been the one to receive the brunt of her anger over the past few days or the amount of times I'd had to physically stop her from leaving. I wouldn't let her ruin everything she'd managed to overcome so far.

'I'll be fine, I promise'

I sighed heavily, stopping the car as we pulled into my buildings parking lot. 'I'm sorry Peyt but I just don't believe you' She groaned loudly, dropping her head into her hands.

'Well it doesn't matter- you can't force me to get on a plane' Was her muffled reply.

'I will if I have too' I exhaled, I knew it was going to be impossible to actually drag her there and I guess security may stop me if I pulled her kicking and screaming but I figure I have a few days to convince her it will be fun and until she sees my side of things, letting her know that I'm not letting this go won't be a bad thing. She abruptly got out of the car, slamming it with force, storming off ahead of me. 'I'll get the tree by myself then shall I?'


	26. Chapter 26

I silently watched him decorate the tree. 'Sure you don't want to help put the last few baubles on?' I didn't respond, we weren't talking- well I wasn't talking. He was being a complete bastard and I hated that smug look he kept giving me. He was mistaken if he thought I was ever going to change my mind. I never want to go back to Tree Hill, the thought of it made me feel physically sick. 'Come on- you can put the angel on top' I closed my eyes tightly, it had been a ritual in the years I'd got to spend with my mother, she'd always insisted that I got to put the beautiful white angel on top. I took a shaky breath. Since her death I'd refused to participate in decorating the tree and that's how it was going to stay, I hated envisioning her, standing before me, her beautiful, kind face, staring down at me. I frantically wiped an unwelcome tear off of my face, instantly pushing my mother from my mind, I wouldn't go there, not now.

'Peyton?' Lucas Sat down beside me, draping his arm around me. I immediately shoved him away. 'Peyton, what's wrong?….Peyt?' His eyes burned into me for a few torturous seconds before he dejectedly got back up, finishing off the tree by himself. 'I went out and got you a couple of things while you were asleep' I sighed, curling up on the sofa, clutching a cushion to my chest. I was beginning to feel like a prisoner. He didn't let me out of his sight and on the rare occasion that he did leave me in the apartment while he popped out on some errands, he'd make sure I couldn't get out, locking the door after him 'Just a couple of t-shirts, some jeans.' He continued, overlooking the fact that he may as well have been talking to himself. 'I thought you could do with some more'.

I watched him from the corner of my eye, walk across the room, gathering several bags before setting himself down on the coffee table in front of me. I tried to ignore him rustling through them, busying myself with playing with the tassel on the cushion instead. 'Do you like?' My eyes inadvertently trailed up to the item he was holding up- a pink floyd t-shirt, very old school Peyton, I'd not worn anything like that in ages, my wardrobe these days consisted of skimpy black tops and mini skirts. 'You don't like it?' I didn't reply, determined not to speak, I could tell I was really beginning to infuriate him by the way he gritted his teeth, struggling not to crack. 'Well I got a bunch of stuff so I'll just pack everything and you can just look through and decide what you do and don't like. Is that alright?' I kept my eyes fixated on my tangled hands. 'Yeah? Cool' His head bobbed up and down, nodding as if I'd answered. 'Is there anything else you want me to put in the case?' He waited for a moment, patiently awaiting a response. 'Dam it Peyton' He abruptly stood, finally cracking. 'Will you just talk to me for christ sake' He threw his hands in the air and stomped his foot in frustration. 'Please' His angry tone soon diminished into a whine. 'Please' he crouched down leaning over me, his nose brushing against mine in an Eskimo kiss. I snapped my eyes closed. 'Please' He whispered.

'I'm-not-coming' I glowered. I spun my head to the side before he could go any further.

'Urgh' He groaned, dropping onto the sofa beside me. 'Yes you are'

'No I'm fucking not and I wish you'd stop talking to me like I'm a freaking five year old'

'You're such a…' I raised my eyebrows expectantly. 'A grouch' He finished lamely.

'Jackass'

'Bitch'

'Arrogant, chauvinistic, pathetic ignorant jerk'

'God you're so freaking stubborn, opinionated, selfish and did I mention sarcastic '

I crossed my arms, pouting 'Jackass' I mumbled quietly. He smiled, a small irritating laugh escaping his curved lips.

'You're impossible you know that? It's five days' I kicked my leg out, jabbing him in the side angrily. Why he couldn't just fucking shut up I don't know 'Ow- was that necessary?' He moaned, rubbing his ribs dramatically. I didn't reply, returning to my silence. 'Look' He exhaled, hesitantly shuffling closer, watching me warily, prepared for any abrupt movement. He gingerly lifted my legs onto his lap, stroking his hand over my thigh, his eyes bearing into me. 'I know you're scared'

'I'm not scared' I retorted, instantly trying to move away. Twat. I'm not freaking scared, I'm not scared of anything. I just didn't want to return to a place with so many bad memories is all.

'Hey' He held my legs on his lap, preventing me from escaping. 'Ok, you're not scared, you're…apprehensive'

'That's the same thing.'

'What I mean' He shook his head, searching for words. For someone who was meant to be an author he was certainly lacking in eloquence. 'It's understandable that you're nervous about seeing people you haven't been around in a long time. It's only human to feel like that but you can't let that stop you. I really think you'll enjoy yourself if you come. Nathan's really looking forward to seeing you and Haley, even though you bit her head off when you saw her the other week' He chuckled lightly but his smile dropped when he met my serious eyes. I wasn't finding this in the slightest bit funny. I don't want to see any of them. 'Er, and my mum, she's dying to see you and I can't wait for Lily to meet you and Haley and Nate's kids- Jamie and Ella' I ran a weary hand over my tired eyes. They'd all moved on, I'd moved on.

'Luke' I exhaled. I didn't want to fucking see any of them, how hard was that for him to understand? 'I, I can't ok. Will you just quit it- I'm not coming with you'

'Can't you do this for me, I really want to be with you on Christmas day'

My eyes met his, my heart melting at the pleading look he was giving me- dam those ridiculously beautiful blue eyes. 'Luke' I bit my lip. 'Listen, I just, I can't deal with all of them judging me right now, ok? I can't, I can't have them looking at me like I'm worthless. These are people that used to believe in me and look at me now- what have I got to show for myself ?' I took a shaky breath.

'No ones going to judge you'

'Everyone judges you'

'No one needs to know anything - I haven't told them anything Peyt and even if they did know about everything you've been through they'd be there for you.' Yeah that's likely. 'It doesn't matter anyway because at the end of the day all that's important is that I love you and I'm going to stand by you' His gentle hand rose, cupping my cheek. 'Look at me' I hesitantly did as ordered.

'Luke'

'I know this is a lot to ask but I need you to do this for me, you can do this, you're stronger than you think' My vision was blurred. I couldn't do this. I wasn't ready and yet I found myself nodding beneath his intense gaze. 'Yeah?' His eyes lit up at my pathetic nod and he lurched forward, his mouth suddenly on mine. I moaned in surprise a small smile forming, my lips parting beneath his. God he was going to be the death of me. I didn't want to admit defeat but he just, he just seemed to have this hold over me. 'You're not going to regret this, I'm going to make this the best trip'. He whispered before abruptly jumping up and rushing toward his bedroom like an excited child. 'Come help me pack' He shouted over his shoulder. I swallowed, reluctantly getting to my feet, suddenly regretting my sudden change of heart, butterflies already flapping around restlessly in the pit of my stomach with the knowledge that in two days time I would be back in Tree Hill, I'd be home.


	27. Chapter 27

'You look pretty' I smiled at her only to receive a disapproving glare. I rolled my eyes, I was waisting my breath, I don't know why I even tried. She'd never be able to take a freaking complement. It was the truth though, she did look pretty, and the healthiest I'd seen her. She was still a stick and was hardly eating but she was getting a bit of colour back in her cheeks and with a bit of make up you could no longer see any remanence of her brutal attack a couple of weeks ago. She looked at herself in the mirror, examining her attire. I never would have thought it but it really is amazing what a difference your clothes make. Without her mini skirt and skimpy tops, instead replaced with a simple pair of jeans and a stylish t-shirt, which I may add was from Brooke Davis's own collection, she looked completely different. I watched her run her hand down her torso, biting her lip as she quizzically inspected the new her. A small, barely noticeable smile formed on those perfect lips and my stomach lept, my own grin forming. 'You really do look pretty' I knew my words would do nothing to convince her but yet they fell from my mouth in a whisper. I walked over to her, lacing my hands gently around her waist, my chin on her shoulder, eyeing her up and down in the mirror. A rosy blush appeared on her cheeks and she shook her head in disagreement. I was about to argue back and attempt to convince her but a loud knock at the front door startled us both. 'That'll be Hales and Nate' I informed her. Her body tensed beneath my palms and her once relaxed face vanished, her jaw clenched apprehensively.

'What?' She questioned, pushing my hands away and turning around to face me, her eyes wide.

'Haley and Nate' I responded nonchalantly, walking out of the bedroom as another wrap sounded at the door. She urgently grabbed my hands, stopping me from walking any further. 'They're picking us up- to go to the airport' I explained, she knew we were flying with them, I'd just conveniently forgotten to tell her they were picking us up.

'What? Now? I thought they were meeting us there' She babbled.

'Peyton' I smiled, she really did look cute when she was in a fluster. 'Come on' I linked our hands, reassuring her as I led her to the front door.

'Lucas maybe I'll just stay here, I've changed my mind'

'Peyton' I furrowed my brow, yanking her forward. 'I promise, everythings going to be fine, they don't know anything and anyway these are your friends'

'Were' She corrected dully, pulling her fingers from mine and crossing her arms around herself. Another, more demanding knock sounded and an impatient shuffling of feet could be heard on the other side of the door, followed by several muffled voices.

'_Are_ your friends' I retorted before pulling open the door. 'Hey'

'Took your time' Nathan rolled his eyes. Ella was in his arms, smiling happily, her hands immediately reached out for me, followed by a chorus of "Luck Luck". I happily obliged, taking my little niece from his arms. She really is a cute little thing, just two, brown eyes like her mother, brown hair cut in a cute bob cut and a smile to die for. She giggled as I planted a raspberry kiss on her cheek.

'Uncle Lucas' My eyes averted to an excited Jamie who was now clinging at my leg. 'We're going on an aeroplane.' He announced, his eyes sparkling as he squeezed past me and dashed through the door.

'Aren't you going to let us in?' Haley quirked her eyebrow, smiling at me amusedly.

'Oh sorry' I pulled the door further back, revealing Peyton to their awaiting eyes.

'Peyton' Nathan grinned at her. He'd missed her, they'd actually became great friends in the last couple of years of school but after we graduated everything changed, people drifted apart- Peyton and I included. I watched her scrap a curl behind her ear, nervously gazing at him. He'd been looking forward to seeing her, to getting to know her again but I don't really think the feelings are reciprocated as of yet. She wants to leave the past in the past and sometimes I feel like that includes me and anyone else that she used to know in Tree Hill.

'Hey Nate' She smiled more confidently, brushing away her nerves. It really did scare me how easily she managed to transform herself.

'No hug?' He stepped forward and abruptly wrapped his arms around her 'I missed you Blondie' Her body immediately jolted, taken aback by the sudden contact. I watched her close her eyes tightly, refraining from pulling away. She hesitantly raised her arms, patting his back in a feeble attempt to return his affection before quickly withdrawing, averting her eyes to Haley.

'Hi Haley, I'm sorry about the other-'

'Forget it, you were stressed out, I get it'. She brushed off in a true understanding Haley fashion, taking Ella from me who had soon got tired of my company and was now pining for her beloved mother.

'Who are you?' A quizzical Jamie asked bluntly, staring up at Peyton. I had to smile at her baffled expression.

'Oh sweetie this is Peyton, a friend of ours. Peyton this is Jamie and Ella' She nodded insecurely at Hales answer and I had to stifle a laugh when she took a step back from my five year old nephew, looking at him like he was an alien. Being around kids always just came naturally to me, apparently not with Miss Sawyer, she looked completely terrified at being in such close proximity with them. 'So are you excited to be going home?' Haley asked chattily, focusing on Peyton.

'So?' Nathan bought me out of my daze, forcing my eyes to leave Peyton for the first time in the last ten minutes and leave her to converse with Haley. I raised my eye brows expectantly, frowning when he didn't respond, instead walking into the kitchen area and grabbing himself some water from the fridge.

'So what?' I prompted.

'So how are things going with you two?' He asked gingerly, now that we were out of ear shot. He knew I didn't want to talk about it and yet he was asking anyway.

'Nate'

'Alright, alright. I'll shut up.' He rolled his eyes. 'Is she alright though? She looks ill' He enquired concernedly. My eyes drifted back to her, she was distracted by Jamie who was running circles around her; flapping his arms up and down whilst making aeroplane noises. Yep, I think it's safe to say she's not used to kids, she looked like a deer caught in headlights when Hales suddenly handed Ella to her while she captured Jamie and stopped him from pulling all my books off the shelves.

'I' I stared at her, it was only this morning that I thought she was looking better, but then again I guess I'd seen her at her worst. 'She's fine' I lied.

'Luke, you can talk to me about anything'

I forced a smile and nodded. 'I know, everythings fine' I assured him with confidence. I wanted to confide in him, more than anything. Nathan had become a good man over the years, he'd learnt from his mistakes and I now looked up to him, he was a better man than I'd ever be. He was a great, loyal, loving husband and father and when I saw him with Hales and the kids I envied everything he had. Truthfully, I needed someone to talk about everything that had gone on recently, I was beginning to find it hard to deal with by myself and really could use some advice, plus I could tell he didn't believe me anyway, but I couldn't break my promise to Peyton. I need to make sure she knows she can trust me, she's my chance for happiness. He looked at me skeptically before nodding.

'Well for the record I'm happy for you'.

'Thanks man'

'And if you do ever need someone to-'

'I know'

'Ok...are those your bags?' He changed the subject, thankfully letting it go. I nodded, smiling at him appreciatively. 'Cool, well you ready then big brother? We're going to be late for our flight if we don't leave soon'

'Yeah- let's get going'. I grabbed Jamie, he hadn't stopped moving since they'd arrived, a combination of Christmas excitement and getting to go on a plane turning him wild I think. 'You ready to go flying Mr?' I threw him into the air, eliciting a loud shriek of laughter.

'Yay we're going!' He shouted. I caught Peyton's apprehensive eyes, sensing her discomfort which caused a sudden surge of nerves to flood my body. I wanted her to enjoy this and I didn't want my mum to have to endure any scenes. All I could do was hope that this next week could go by smoothly and that we could all have a merry little Christmas, most of all Peyton.


	28. Chapter 28

'Oh Lucas' Karen lurched on him the second she'd opened the door to us - she literally jumped on him, arms wrapped around his neck, choking him. I smiled at her affectionate hug.

'Mum' He complained.

'I haven't seen you in six months, let me hug you' She ordered, ending his babyish whinging. Eventually she let go, planting a kiss on his cheek before she turned her attention to me. I suddenly felt like a deer caught in headlights and was pretty sure all colour had drained from my face. I'd not seen this woman in years, she probably hated me after Luke and me broke up 'Peyton, sweetie, It's been too long. You're so grown up' Before I knew it I was involuntarily being hugged. I cringed slightly, feeling her hands press against my still bruised back. I hesitantly returned her affections, trying to be polite. I'd forgotten how this worked, hugging people didn't come naturally any more 'You look beautiful Peyton.' I smiled uncomfortably as she eyed me up and down. 'You kids don't look after yourselves though, look at the pair of you, skin and bones' Great, another person to try and get me to eat more.

'Lukey Lukey Luke!' A high pitched squeal sounded, followed by the pitter patter of feet running toward the door. Lucas grinned as a small child, whom I could only assume was Lily, threw herself into his awaiting arms.

'Lil' He effortlessly threw her in the air before hugging her tightly. She was a pretty little girl, the spitting image of her mother and she had Keith's eyes. Her brown hair curved around her round baby face in a cute bob cut.

'You're here' she shrieked excitedly. 'Do you know what today is?'

'No' He shook his head. 'What's today?'

'Christmas eve silly and father Christmas comes tonight' She grinned, her smile reaching her brown eyes. Both he and Karen laughed at her excitement.

'Oooo exciting stuff hey?'

'Uhuh' She wriggled in his arms and he set her back on the ground. 'Who are you?' She queried bluntly- her quizzical eyes now on me.

'Lily' Karen rolled her eyes.

'This is Peyton Lil' Lucas introduced us, grabbing my hand and ushering me forward. 'Peyt, this is my sister- Lily'

'Hello' I forced a nervous smile.

'Are you Lucas's girlfriend?' She bit her lip, a cheeky smile on her face.

'Er Mum can you help Hales and Nate get their stuff in? I swear they've packed for a month.' Lucas suggested.

'That's what happens when you have children Lucas' She grabbed Lily's hand. 'Come on Lily let's go see Jamie and Ella. I'll let Lucas get you settled Peyton' She smiled at me, quickly directing Lily down the pathway.

'Is she his girlfriend Mumma? Is she? I think she's pretty. Will she play Barbie's with me...' Her chirpy voice trailed off as Karen led her toward Haley and Nathan who were unpacking their many bags.

'Sorry' He looked at me nervously, trying to decipher whether I was intending on running before we even got through the door. I swallowed.

'She's cute'

He breathed an obvious sigh of relief. 'Yeah cute but doesn't ever shut up. Come on, let's chuck our stuff in my room'

* * *

I wandered down the hallway of Karen's house. It had been a crazy hour and I'd managed to sneak out of the kitchen and away from all the manic chatting and excitement and instead found myself snooping around the place. I'd not been in this house for a long time and I felt a mixture of things, it was all a little overwhelming I guess. I got to the guest room door to find purple wooden letters now stuck on the front spelling Lily. Intrigued, I pushed it open. It was no longer the guest room, now a perfect little girls room. I tip toed in, mesmerised by all the child's toys and belongings.There were pictures of her and her big brother pinned all over a heart shaped notice board on the far wall, right back from when she was just a baby. I found myself gazing at one photo in particular; Lily must have only been three at the most, she was sat in his lap, her wispy brown hair all over the place, a wide grin on her pretty little face, her chocolate brown eyes staring wildly up at him. But it was his expression that got me. He was gazing at her with nothing but love and devotion and it scared me because he'd looked at me like that an awful lot recently. It suddenly dawned on me how serious he was about us. I bit down hard on my lip.

'Do you like my room?' I jumped at her innocent voice, spinning round. I really needed to fucking stop nosing about. I smiled uneasily.

'It's real pretty' I nodded, my eyes skipping around the fairy themed room. It certainly was girly, not exactly my cup of tea but it felt safe and hey, she was happy. She grinned proudly, showing off her missing two front teeth.

'Lils, Mum said you've got to tidy your toys away in the living room' Luke's voice travelled down the hallway. She just stood there, staring at me like I was a circus attraction. At her lack of response, Luke's footsteps soon followed. 'Lily' His head peered round her white bedroom door. 'Oh' His frown softened when he saw me. 'Toys' He nodded his head toward the hall, gesturing for her to leave.

'In a minute, look Luke' She grabbed his hand, tugging on it insistently, dragging him over to the bed and sitting him down on the pale pink eiderdown. 'This is my stocking' She grabbed the large red sock with white stars all over it, shoving it into his hands.

'I know Lil' He chuckled at her excitement. 'It looks exactly the same as it did last year'

'Father Christmas is coming tonight and he's going to fill it' She informed us both, clambering on the bed and bouncing up and down on the mattress.

'What makes you so sure? Have you been good enough?' He enquired.

'I'm always good'

'Well' Luke rose from his spot on the bed, placing the stocking back in it's place before returning his gaze to his adorable sister. 'I'm not so sure' He looked at her doubtfully. 'You're jumping up and down on the bed for starters' He effortlessly grabbed, her swinging her around before setting her small legs back on the ground. 'And mummy's asked you to tidy your toys up so you better get going'.

'But-' He gave her a look, I'd seen that look many a time. The disappointed look. She swallowed her words immediately. 'Only been home a day and you're already bossing me about' She grumbled, stomping out of her room. He smiled at me, rolling his eyes at her sudden moodiness.

'So what do you think of her room?' He asked when she'd disappeared, laughing as I scrunched my nose up, unimpressed. 'She's a girly girl I'm afraid, no dark red and black gloomy walls.'

'They weren't gloomy, it was perfect'

'Whatever...So are you ok?' He nervously approached me.

'I'm fine Luke' I involuntarily smiled.

'Are you having fun?' Surprisingly enough I was kinda enjoying myself. I reluctantly nodded and my stomach lurched at the sudden beam that graced his cute lips at my reply. 'Good' He ventured forward. 'I'm proud of you Peyton'

'Don't Lucas'

'Don't what?'

'Don't tell me how wonderful I am cause I'm not' I insisted. I hated it when he did that.

'Fine I won't' He shrugged. 'I'll show you instead' I looked up bashfully, a small reluctant smile appearing on my face. I hate that he can do that. That he can just make me smile. I don't have a choice in the matter but it always seems to happen when I'm around him. He tilted his head, his thumb stroking the side of my cheek as his lips grazed over mine.

'Mmh' I mumbled. He pulled me closer, my eyes fluttered closed, my legs suddenly turning to jelly. For a few peaceful minutes I let myself indulge in his blissful kiss but we were soon interrupted. The doorbell sounding caught my attention.

'Whose that?' I pulled away breathlessly and looked towards Lily's door, straining my ears to hear whoever had just arrived at the Roe-Scott residence.

'Er' My eyes darted back to him. A red blush was rapidly creeping over up his cheeks, his blue orbs skipping around the room, looking absolutely everywhere but at me. Looking completely guilty.

'Lucas' I clenched my teeth together, lacing my hands over his suddenly clammy fingers and shoving them away from me, taking a necessary step away from him. 'Luke?' I stomped my foot impatiently. He opened and closed his mouth like a fucking guppy fish, only further infuriating me. If there was one thing Lucas Scott was bloody good at, it was definitely winding me up. And then I heard it. I heard that distinctive, raspy voice and it seemed like the whole world was crashing down around me. Every limb in my body tensed and I'm sure my heart beat was racing uncontrollably. This wasn't fucking happening.

'Peyton' My name fell from his deceitful mouth, his eyes looking at me apologetically. Well it was a little late for that now. His hand reached out to touch me but the last thing I fucking wanted, fucking need is for his filthy hands on me.

'I can't see her' I mumbled to myself, the sound of laughter and joy, flooding down the hall as everyone greeted Brooke Davis.

'Peyton-'

'No Lucas, don't you say a word to me' I spun around heading out of Lily's room. I couldn't face her, she'd been like my sister growing up and I was completely responsible for us drifting apart, I'd basically blocked her out.

'Peyton' He was hot on my tail and grabbed my arm before I even reached the haven of his room.

'Don't be stupid, come on' He whispered desperately, struggling to keep a hold of my squirming form.

'Let go' I hissed. I needed to get out of here.

'Luke, Peyton' Her voice sounded behind us. Fuck me. I immediately froze and he instantly released his tight hold on me. I suddenly felt rather nauseous 'Luke' I closed my eyes tightly, not daring to turn around. He was greeting her happily, exchanging festive greetings. I was beginning to think I could sneak into his bedroom unseen. 'P. Sawyer aren't you going to say hi?' I swallowed thickly, hesitantly turning to see the face of that familiar raspy voice. I stood Staring at her. She looked the same, apart from a little more mature and her hair shorter. I swallowed thickly, unable to find words. This was the girl I'd grown up with, the girl who knew me, could read me like a book. She'd always had the amazing ability of being able to tell what I was thinking or what I'd been doing, just by looking into my eyes. I ran my hand over my dress self consciously, my cheeks burning. I wondered if she could tell now, if she could tell what I'd been up to since we'd last seen one another. I didn't have time to give it much thought though, her arms suddenly enveloped me. Unconsciously I tensed and I knew, I knew instantly by the way she pulled back and touched my cheek that she knew something was wrong. I forced an immediate smile. 'I missed you P Sawyer'

'I, I missed you too' My eyes downcast, I nodded. I couldn't look into those loyal, sparkling eyes any longer. Brooke Davis had changed but only for the better, she'd grown up and had become even more kind, warm hearted and generous. I could tell that much just by looking at her. She was sincerely happy to see me and it only made me wish I felt the same. I wanted to be happy to see her but I wasn't. 'Sorry I er...' I searched for a plausible excuse to leave, but my mind was finding it hard to function. I had no where to run to. It was Christmas eve and I was well an truly stuck in Tree Hill but I could leave this hallway. I shook my head lamely. 'Excuse me a sec' I mumbled before hastily removing myself from the situation, slipping into Luke's room.

'Peyton' Lucas attempted but I was gone, now heading out his backdoor, christ I needed a fag. A line sounded more tempting but Lucas Scott wouldn't fucking allow that would he. I sighed in relief as the outside air hit me, a breath of fresh air. I didn't know why but I was absolutely seething. I sunk onto the wooden swinging chair. Fucking Christmas.


	29. Chapter 29

'Excuse me a sec' She turned, quickly heading for my room.

'Peyton' I attempted but my plea fell on deaf ears as she shut the door on all of us. My eyes darted back to Brooke. I felt completely responsible for the sad face I was greeted with. It was no wonder Peyton was a little pissed at me for not telling her that her best friend was going to be here but Brooke didn't deserve to get treated so badly. 'Brooke' I broke the awkward silence, keeping my eyes firmly on the slender brunette, trying to ignore the baffled faces behind her. 'She's not feeling great, she'll be out in a minute' She nodded but I knew by the way her eyes narrowed that she could see straight through my lie.

'You didn't tell her did you?- that I'd be here' She stated bluntly. I swallowed, unsure of how to respond- another lie? or the truth?

'I, it slipped my mind?' I shrugged helplessly.

'Lucas' She groaned

'I-' Before I could get out another word she was pushing past me to get into my room. 'Brooke'

'Let me speak to her alone' She demanded in true Brooke Davis fashion. In any other situation I'd of done exactly as ordered, no one was to mess with Miss Davis but judging by the Peyton I'd been with for the last few weeks the last thing she needed was a one to one with her old friend.

'Just give her a little while. She's just a little overwhelmed at seeing you. Why don't you guys go open a bottle of wine, I'll be through in a sec. I wanna here all about what you've been up to miss Davis' I smiled, shooting Nathan a meaningful look. He really could help me out instead of just standing there.

'Oh yeah, a glass of wine sounds good' Nathan took my silent plead, thankfully averting everyone's confused gaze to him, a few muffled agreements and shuffling of feet followed as everyone headed toward the kitchen. 'Come Brooke' He draped his arm around her rigid shoulder guiding her down the hall. I closed my eyes tightly for a second, wondering if Peyton was going to be completely inconsolable now. There was only one way to find out though, I bravely made my way into my bedroom. It was empty and I panicked a little at first but soon saw her skinny figure out on the porch. I walked through the open back door.

'Peyton' She didn't respond, staring out in front of her. I gingerly sat beside her on the swinging seat. 'Come on, don't you think you're over reacting a tad?' Crap, great start Luke, I always had to say the wrong thing.

'Over reacting? No, I'm not fucking over reacting. I didn't even want to come here and then you spring Brooke Davis on me? Fuck Lucas.' She hissed. 'A little bit of a heads up would have been nice. You're an ass do you know that?' She ran a hand through her rampant hair agitatedly. 'Brooke fucking Davis'

'She's your best friend- I thought you'd be happy'

'Best friend? Lucas I haven't spoken to her in nearly five years.'

'Don't you want to get to know her again?'

'I..I' She stuttered. 'What have you told her about me?'

'Nothing, nothing at all. Peyton I promised you, I'm not going to lie to you'

'Huh' She snickered. 'Not going to lie to me? You've already lied to me Lucas'

I groaned. 'Ok, ok, I'm sorry I lied about Brooke but I'm not lying about this. I said I hadn't told anyone about anything you'd done in the last five years and I haven't' I promised.

'She knows, you told her'

'You're being paranoid' I stood, taking a hold of her shoulders. 'She doesn't know' She stared at me for a long time. I watched her contemplating my response and soon found myself getting lost in those green eyes of hers. 'Come on' I cupped her face. 'Let's go back inside.' She coldly turned away from me.

'Fine. But I'm not talking to you' She snapped childishly, stomping off back into the house. I sighed, would anything ever be easy with Peyton Sawyer.

The next hour past in a haze, I was only aware of one thing- how surprisingly smoothly everything was going, granted she wasn't talking to me but she wasn't causing a scene. What with all the drama drama drama that Peyton Sawyer carried with her, it was like I was constantly preparing myself for her next outburst. I watched her, Brooke had just approached her and she had a sweet fake smile plastered on her face. I truly hate that smile. I watched anxiously, wanting to get nearer and ease drop on their conversation but knew I couldn't do that.

'What are you thinking Lucas?' I jumped at my mothers voice, sharply turning to face her.

'Nothing' I smiled.

'Really? You seem a little preoccupied to be thinking nothing' She said knowingly in that typically mothering tone. I rolled my eyes as she continued. 'And you're forgetting that I'm the crazy woman that bought you into this world- I know you better than you think' Her wise preaching went on for a further few minutes before returning to her first question. 'So are you going to tell me what's bothering you?'

'I'm fine' I assured her.

'Luke-'

'Mum, really I'm fine'.

She sighed, eying me skeptically. 'You know there was a time when you came to me with all your problems'

'I'm not ten anymore ma' I reminded her gently. A small laugh fell from her mouth at my remark.

'Oh I know that. I do miss having you around though' At this point I took the opportunity to look around the room, wanting to avoid the guilt her eyes were making me feel.

'I know' I offered her a small apologetic smile, before letting my eyes drift back to Peyton.

'How are thing's with you and Peyton?' I raised my eyebrows and pouted like a little child. I hated having this conversation with her. 'What? Can't a mum wonder what's going on in her sons love life?' When it came to Peyton, No was the simple answer.

'We're fine'

'So you two are officially a couple?'

'No, maybe, I don't know' I groaned. 'Look mum, me and Peyton, we're complicated ok? But I do know one thing and that's that I'm the happiest when she's in the same room and when she's not there I'm thinking about her' I mentally scorned myself for sharing with her, I felt like I was trying to prove that she's a good person.

'Love's always complicated Lucas, as long as you're happy' She placed her hand over mine. 'Is Peyton ok though?' My eyes involuntarily darted to hers, subtle I know.

'She's fine' I tried to be nochalent but have never been all that great at being discreate, especially when it came to lying to my own mother whom seemed to have mystical mind reading powers.

'I just meant, she seems a bit, I don't know, on edge.'

'She's just nervous to see everyone again, she hasn't seen Brooke in a long time'. I covered pretty smoothly if I do say so myself. I took a sip of my beer, taking a sneak peak toward the two ex best friends to find they were no longer there. 'I, er, I'll be back in a sec mum' I said hastily, quietly excusing myself.

'I assumed he'd tell you I was coming here' I heard her raspy voice and lent back against the wall, not daring to let myself be seen.

'I know.' Was her short reply. 'I'm sorry I rushed off earlier, I was just in shock I guess'

'It's fine.' I could hear the tapping of Brooke's heels as she crossed the room. 'Peyton?'

'Y.ye.yes?' I could see her face in my head, her lost eyes staring at Brooke.

'Why'd you never return my calls?'

'I'm sorry' She mumbled. I cautiously peered around the door, taking my chances. Peyton distanced herself from the brunette, her head down in shame and I wanted nothing more than to swoop in and save her from this conversation but knew it wouldn't be the finest of plans. They needed this talk, they need to resolve their issues.

'Did I do something wrong? I called you so many times Peyton'

'You didn't do anything. I don't expect you to understand ok? Everything just got...a little crazy and I, I'm sorry'

'You were the one person I could rely on. Let's face it I don't have the best family. You were my family Peyton' She said sadly. 'I needed you. I need you back in my life. I miss you' I watched Brooke helplessly close the gap between them and hug her, clinging to her desperately. I'd known Brooke had missed Peyton but I guess I'd been naive, I hadn't even been slightly aware of the extent of how important their friendship was to her. Peyton abruptly pulled away and I cringed. I wanted Brooke to know that it wasn't personal, that she just didn't want to be touched.

'You don't need me Brooke' She shook her head confusedly and I knew exactly what was going through that complicated mind of hers. She was finding it hard to comprehend that she was actually physically needed by someone. 'You seem to be doing pretty good, you have a huge company'

'That doesn't mean I'm happy. Please let me back in Peyton' She pleaded and the room was suddenly webbed in silence. I swallowed, watching them both trying to ignore the huge elephant in the room.

'I missed you too' Peyton finally spoke and those four words were like music to my ears not to mention the most sincere thing I'd heard her say. Brooke grinned and threw her arms around her again, this time Peyton's tense figure forced herself to return the embrace.

'So are you happy Luke's back in your life?' The words spilled from her mouth excitedly.

Peyton's cheeks went a little red and I had to smile at her bashful behaviour. 'Well I didn't really have much choice in the matter'. I rolled my eyes at her reply.

'He's good for you...Oh P Sawyer, we're going to have so much fun this Christmas' She squealed enthusiastically, the seriousness of their conversation quickly forgotten. Peyton nodded awkwardly, her eyes drifting to the doorway, noticing me for the first time. Shit. I swallowed thickly, quickly turning and removing myself from her radar in fear of being walloped over the head with the nearest heavy object. I think I'd rather stay conscious this Christmas. I smiled to myself, things were actually going ok.


	30. Chapter 30

I slowly opened my eyes, exhaling heavily through my nose as I took in my surroundings. My eyes met the wall clock and I automatically groaned at how early it was. 6.00 am. 'Merry Christmas Peyton Sawyer' I jumped but didn't roll over to meet his gaze, instead closing my eyes and feigning sleep. I'd ignored him all evening and wasn't about to give over. Firstly he'd lied to me and then he'd had the nerve to follow me around, eavesdropping on my every conversation and I was not impressed to say the least. 'I know you're awake' one of his hands skimmed over my back and round my waist, gently pulling me back against his chest. I grunted my disapproval as he kissed my cheek. 'I'm sorry' He whined, like a six year old. 'Peyton please' I squinted one eye open, frowning.

'It's not just the fact that you lied to me Lucas, quit babysitting me, I'm sick of seeing you peering round every doorway, listening to my every word. I'm not a child'

'I know' He sighed. 'I'm sorry. I promise to give you space' He pecked my cheek again, figuring all was fine but I shuffled forward. 'Peyton' He groaned. 'It's Christmas, come on' He blew against my forehead, causing a stray curl to fall back against the pillow, smiling pleadingly he pressed his lips to my forehead, leaving a tingling sensation. 'I got you something' He whispered.

'I didn't get you anything' I sighed.

'I don't want anything' He stroked my cheek. 'Peyton it's meant to make you happy not sad' I stared at the box that he was holding out to me.

'Well it does make me feel sad- I haven't got anything to give you back'

'You being here with me is enough' I rolled my eyes, He really is cheesy. 'Please take it'

I reluctantly took it from his hand, running my finger over the red ribbon. 'I haven't had a present in so long' I mumbled to myself, instantly feeling stupid when I realised I'd said it aloud. He pulled me into his lap, his arms around me.

'Well basically you just pull here and it will open' He teased, threading his fingers over mine and directing my hand. I had to stop myself from elbowing him in the chest at his remark. 'There we go, see it's pretty easy'

'I'm going to whack you in a minute' I warned, slowly pulling the green paper away. He stifled a laugh, kissing my shoulder.

'I get you a present and you're threatening to hurt me?' I could feel his apprehensive eyes darting from the box in my hand to my face, anticipating a reaction as I pulled the lid off. Inside was a bracelet that was strangely familiar. 'I found it at your flat, it was broken so I had it fixed and had this' He pointed to a silver heart that definitely hadn't been there before. 'put on' I couldn't find words but I was pretty sure my eyes were burning with unwanted tears. It was what felt like a thousand birthday's ago that my dad had got it for me. I could remember so clearly the day that Rick had managed to rip it from my wrist in one of his rages.

'Do you like it?'

'Thankyou' I mustered, slowly turning my body and laying my head on his shoulder.

'Your welcome'

'You're opening presents without me?' Lily's voice cried in outrage. I raised my head, automatically pulling the sheet up over me. 'That's against the rules mister' She shook her finger at her brother angrily. 'Mummy- tell them off' She ordered. Karen was standing behind her and I wondered how long she'd been hovering there for.

'Come on Lily, lets all go see if Father Christmas has left anything under the Christmas tree' Karen laughed.

I'd spent the rest of the morning lurking in the doorway of the living room, watching the Scott-Roe family Christmas take place. Jamie and Lily were completely high and Ella was waddling around, more excited by the wrapping paper than any of the many presents she'd received. Nathan was recording the happy event while Haley and Karen were preparing dinner in the kitchen, their smiling faces peering round the door every now and again. While Brooke and Lucas sat with the the kids, just as hyperactive as they were. Luke kept shooting me a smile and gesturing for me to join them but I felt like I was intruding.

'Peyton you've got to play too' Lily's voice pulled me from my trance.

'Er what?'

'We're playing twister' Jamie announced.

I backed up against the wall 'Yeah Peyt' Lucas pulled me toward the twister mat. 'You take my place, I'm going to see if Hales and Mum need any help in the kitchen.'

'Bu-'

'Stand here Peyton'

Before I knew it I was being yanked across the room, to where Brooke was awkwardly positioned along with Jamie and Lily.

'Ok, Left hand on red Lily' Nathan announced. 'Brooke Left foot on green...Jamie right foot on yellow...Peyt, left hand on green'.

'God Peyton what've you done to your back' Brooke's raspy voice gained the whole rooms attention. I froze, instantly returning to standing and yanking my top down. Typical prying Brooke Davis was at my side in a matter of seconds, trying to inspect the yellowed bruises. 'Let me see' She tried to push my hands away.

'No, it's fine. I just fell over'

'Let me se-'

'I said it's fine' I snapped, edging toward the door and abandoning the game.

'Peyton?' Nathan was looking at me curiously. 'Where are you going?'

'We're still playing' Jamie and Lily whined, annoyed by the interruption of their game.

'I'm just going to see what Luke's up to. You guys carry on' I rambled, hurrying from the room and abandoning the game. 'Where's Karen and Haley?' I questioned Luke on entering the kitchen. He smiled at me, continuing to do the dishes.

'Hey you. They're setting the table for dinner...'What's wrong?' He pulled his hands from the sink, grabbing a tea towel and drying them off before gently placing them on my shoulders. 'Peyt?'

'She saw' I whispered almost inaudibly, glancing over my shoulder to check we were alone before I repeated the statement a little louder. 'She saw' I suddenly had an urgent need to feel his arms, tight around me. He jumped slightly, taken aback to say the least when I abruptly stepped forward, closing the gap between us and lacing my hands around him, seeking the safe warmth of his embrace.

'Who saw what?' He asked gently, his fingers threading through the tangled mess that is my hair.

'Brooke' Was my muffled response from his t-shirt. 'She saw the remains of bruises on my back' I muttered.

'What did you say?'

'I told them I fell'

'Well... why don't you tell them the truth?' He suggested carefully. My head darted up so quickly that I had to prevent myself from groaning in pain at the sharp stab that ran down my spine. I rubbed the base of my neck.

'No'

'I just think you could do with a lot of friends around you that understand-'

'Stop it' I turned away from him. He was quiet for a long minute before he spoke another word.

'Peyton-'

'I don't want them to know, I want them to see the same person they think they knew in high school' It was a rare moment for me to actually be honest but here I was telling Mr Scott my private inner thoughts. 'Besides it's Christmas. You want to ruin your family's Christmas?' I looked at him, daring him to argue.

'Ok' He sighed in defeat, walking across the room, his hands around my waist. 'Ok'

'Peyton?' Brooke's raspy voice sounded. I pulled away from Lucas, my eyes darting to two pitying faces.

'I'm going to go get some air' I mumbled, I couldn't deal with their eyes on me.

'Peyton' Nathan tried.

'Peyton wait-'

'Brooke' Luke's voice stopped them from following me.

'What's going on?' Nathan demanded. I lent back against the hall wall, listening intently for Luke's repsonse.

'You didn't...' Brooke trailed off.

'I didn't what?' Lucas hissed impatiently.

'You didn't hurt her?'

'Brooke' Nathan's voice growled in outrage at her preposterous question and a wave of nausea hit me. The last thing Lucas Scott had done was hurt me.

'I would never lay a finger on her like that' Luke's voice was stern and yet pleading in her to believe him. 'Never' I peered round the door, watching him open and close his mouth and I quickly snapped my eyes closed, convinced he was going to reveal all to the prying pair, but instead he said 'She fell over, like she told you'

'It didn't look like that though, She just, she seemed awfully jumpy about the whole thing and she ran off' Nathan reasoned. It touched me, it touched me at how concerned he was.

'She's Peyton Sawyer. Of course she ran off, she doesn't like people fussing over her'. I listened to him ensure the concerned pair. 'Can you just drop it so can we enjoy the rest of the evening'

'Luke I know you'd never hurt her, I just had to ask, I'm sorry I asked-'

'Don't worry' He interrupted Brooke's apology, shaking his head. 'You're just being a good person Brooke Davis'.

I took a deep breath, forcing myself to walk into his bedroom before they came out to find me eavesdropping on their conversation. Luke was right. Brooke Davis was a good person, all these people had kind hearts and here I was trying not to bring attention to myself but managing to do so anyway. 'Peyt?' I jumped as Luke came in. 'You ok?'

'I'm sorry' I jumped up. 'I'm sorry. You keep lying for me, making excuses'.

'Come here' He pulled me into his arms and sat down on his bed with me on his lap. I fiddled with my newly mended bracelet. 'I love you' A small smile tugged at my lips.

'I know' I nervously averted my eyes to him. 'And, I...I think I love you too'

_A/N Hey guys and gals. Sorry I'm being such an awful updater at the minute! I have so much school work and exams coming up over the next two months that it's going to be a bit mad for a while, but hopefully once all that's out the way I'll get my act together! Anyway, thanks for all your wonderful reviews and for reading! _

_xxXxx_


	31. Chapter 31

Those words made my day, I'm not even joking. I'd been telling her constantly that I love her and was well aware of the fact that she'd not once said it to me, which, to tell you the truth, didn't do much for my ego. She abruptly rose from from my lap and walked toward the door, my goofy grin faltering as I watched her. I guess I shouldn't have been surprised, she'd just said something neither of us were expecting anytime soon and now she needed to go brood about it, that was Peyton Sawyer after all. I laid back on the bed, staring up at the ceiling, my stomach doing somersaults like the lovesick twat I was. I craned my neck up seconds later, when the sound of my door being locked caught my attention. She was still here, in my room, still here. I gulped as she came back to the bed, looking at me long and hard, with a small nervous smile before slowly lifting one leg over me, effectively straddling me. I swallowed at the sudden contact. 'Peyt?' I couldn't tear my eyes from her lips that were getting progressively closer. 'Peyton?'

'Sh' Her lips slowly grazed over mine in a sweet kiss, her hands slipping under my shirt seconds later. My heart was racing, we'd kissed, plenty of times since her ordeal, several weeks ago. She tried to play if off as if it hadn't happened as if it had been nothing out of the ordinary. But I could tell, although she'd been persuaded to do things by Rick before, she'd always been willing to do so, this time was different- she'd said no, and it had left it's mark. She was content with kissing but that's as far as it would go and I was fine with that. However, right now she apparently wanted more, but this definitely wasn't the best time, or place for that matter. It was Christmas, my family were doors away, my little sister's shrill laughter drifting down the hall from time to time. And somewhere in the back of my mind, there was a voice telling me to stop, that she was no way ready for this again, but then again I'm a bloke and I don't have that much self control when a beautiful girl is on top of me, scrap that, when Peyton Sawyer is on top of me.

'Peyton we don't have to do this' I exhaled heavily, willing myself to gain some sense of self control. I reluctantly lifted her off of me, gently laying her on her back. Her fingers traced over the collar of my shirt, her eyes following her hands actions as she spoke.

'You've given me so much, I owe you this much, I have to give you something back' She finished, her eyes raising to meet mine, tugging on my collar and urging me back to her lips. I involuntarily winced at her words. Times like this, when she said things like that, reminded me loud and clear of everything she'd done and been forced to do. She saw sex as a bargaining tool, it wasn't a loving act, it was about pleasing someone else. It had been brainwashed into her that she was only good for one thing, that men only wanted her for sex and if she didn't give them that there would be unpleasant consequences. All my blood was rapidly going south with her hips constantly rocking against me, her eyes were staring into mine and I suddenly felt sick, they weren't dark with lust, like I knew mine were and I knew in that second that she wasn't ready for this. I didn't want her to think of this as a chore, this was meant to be about the both of us.

'Peyton' I groaned, she was making this more than hard on me. I dropped my head into the pillow, sighing heavily into her ear, my hands reluctantly fumbling down to her waist, gently stopping her movements.

'What's wrong?'

'I don't want you to feel like that' I rasped. 'You don't owe me anything'

'I want to give you something'.

I pulled my head from the pillow, breathing heavily as I stared at her. 'I don't want you to feel like you have to give me sex just because I've helped you out a bit, I love you for you, I can wait as long as you need'

'I do want it'

'But, we, we haven't since-'

'I'm fine' She insisted. 'It wasn't a big deal-'

'You were raped' I stated gently, I personally don't see how that isn't a big deal. She immediately closed her eyes, breathing heavily through her nose. 'And I don't want to rush you, I want you to be ready' She pushed against my chest and I quickly lifted my weight off of her, watching concernedly as she curled onto her side.

'You don't have to make excuses, You don't want me now' She whispered.

'What?' I got up and moved round the bed, kneeling down on the floor, I wanted her, christ I fucking wanted her. I just thought it was too soon, she's so fucking screwed up, she needs time.

'I get it'

'Baby-' I reached out, brushing my hand over her cheek, only to have her shrug me off. 'I want you, of course I want you'

'You don't have to indulge me Lucas, I get it, I do. How could you ever want me after you saw that, after you saw what I truly am. You can't stop picturing it can you? Right now all you're doing is imagining me fucking someone else-'

'Peyton' I gripped her face, forcing her to look at me. 'That's not it at all.' I furrowed my brow. 'God none of this is your fault, I just don't want you to feel pressured, I don't want to be like Rick or any of the other guys- I want you to feel safe and loved, I want to give you all the time in the world and-'

'It's ok, I understand' She nodded, but I could see she really didn't. She's so fucking obstinate, once she's made up her mind about something, that's the way it is, there's no convincing her otherwise. And right now, she'd come to the conclusion that I didn't find her attractive, which is so fucking not true. I watched her reach onto the bedside table and grab a fag, her eyes stony cold as she lit it up and made it her priority to ignore my desperate explanations.

'Peyton-'

'It's fine Luke'

Fifteen minutes ago I was jumping for joy- she'd told me she loved me. How we'd gone from that to this, I couldn't get my head round. Was it so wrong that I wanted to give her more time, she was emotionally broken, she wasn't read for physical itimacy, she didn't want this, not yet. I sighed heavily. 'I'm going to go outside for a minute' I lifted myself off of the floor, pressing my lips to her forehead, hoping that even that might give her the slightest reassurance. 'I love you'

* * *

'Lucas?' I jumped out of my skin, instantly stubbing out my fag on the wooden railing out of reflex- my mum had made it clear that she disapproved of the habit I'd picked up since leaving home, so I'd promised her I'd give it up, that was last year and it had lasted all of three days. Nathan chuckled at my skittish behaviour. 'It's just me' I rolled my eyes, pulling out another fag and sticking it in my mouth. 'You know you really should quit that' I gave him a look. Who'd have thought it? Him advising me. Back in high school I would've predicted that I'd be the one living his life right now- I'd have a family, I was the good guy but I'd seemed to have done a complete 180 turn. Now here I was, the struggling author with one fucked up love life, with Nathan giving me advice. I exhaled and felt my lip involuntarily quiver. 'Especially with your heart condition'

'Shut up Nate' I sighed. He was quiet for a long minute, silently staring up at the starry sky.

'Karen and Hales are putting the kids to bed- I don't think they're going to have much luck, they're all high on the Christmas festivities.' I nodded distantly. '...Where's Peyton?'

'She's having a lay down' I hastily took another drag of my ciggy.

'Luke when are you just going to tell me what's going on?'

A puff of smoke escaped my mouth and I closed my eyes, revelling in the small relief I felt. My throat was burning as I tried to contain the lump rising. I wasn't one to ever cry, I'd not cried since my own fucking father had killed my uncle Keith. 'I don't know what you're talking about' I kept my eyes closed, reframing from looking at him, I'd prefer to keep my emotions intact, thank you very much.

'Luke, you're my brother. I know when something's up and I may not of seen Peyton in years but I did go out with her once upon a time, I do know her and I do know that she's broken right now- we've been here a couple of days and I've hardly seen any food pass her lips, she's quiet and on edge '

I couldn't contain it. My hand flew to my mouth, attempting to stifle the strangled sob that escaped. He was right, she was broken and far beyond repair and it terrified me that maybe I couldn't be the one to fix her. 'I don't, don't know what to do Nate'

'What's happened?' He urged, his hand on my shoulder. I didn't respond, I'd promised her I wouldn't say anything but right now I was struggling beyond belief to keep that promise. I needed to get it off my chest, I needed someones guidance and support and I sure as hell needed someone to tell me everything was going to be ok, that I could still have a happily ever after with Peyton Sawyer, I needed to hear those words, even if it seemed a long way off.

'How did Peyton really get those bruises on her back?'

'So, so many people have hurt her and I just want to make her happy, I want to know that things are definitely going to work out between us, that we're definitely meant to be' The words tumbled.

'Your Lucas and Peyton, you're meant to be' He patted my back, reassuringly.

'I gave up on her Nate, I gave up on her and she fell to pieces'

'You didn't give up on her, the long distance thing just wasn't working and look what's happened? Like all star crossed lovers you've found your way back. Luke, you both needed that time away from each other to see that you really need to be together.'

'Really' I mumbled unconvinced, rubbing the corner of my eyes.

'You needed time to grow, it's a good thing that you've both had time to concentrate on your careers-'

My snigger threw him off guard and he looked at me quizzically. Before I had time to function what I was saying the vile words spilled from my deceitful mouth. 'Yeah cause concentrating on being a fucking prostitute is real important.' My eyes widened, instantly regretting opening my big fucking mouth. I'd done it, I'd finally spilled the beans.

'Wh...what?' All colour drained from his face and I watched helplessly as the light switched on in his head, his mouth agape in utter shock. 'Peyton' He shook his head in disbelief. 'She works in music, Hales said'

I pinched the bridge of my nose, there was no point even attempting to pretend I'd been joking around. I shook my head, her lies could fall anyone. 'Peyton Sawyer seems to have mastered the art of lying- she's pretty damn good at it' I mumbled.

'No' He whispered desperately, he didn't want to believe it and I would forever hate myself for telling him. 'She, she wouldn't do something like that, I know her'

'You used to know her Nate' I reminded him. 'She's done a lot of fucking things, none of us would have dreamt her doing' I took a shaky breath, dropping onto the porch bench.

'I'm so sorry man- I didn't know, I' He shook his head, still baffled. 'Why would she feel like she had to do that?' Nathan's own eyes had glazed over and I could tell he was trying to keep it together for my sake. I shrugged, I'd promised to keep my word, I'd reassured her that no one would find out about her life but I'd officially screwed that up in the last three minutes, I wasn't about to tell him about her drug habit.

'Luke I'm sorry' Peyton's voice startled us both.

'Peyton' I whispered, wondering how long she'd been standing there. Apparently not long, cause her eyes widened a little as she noticed Nate. I followed her lingering gaze to him and in and instant realised that she'd been right. He was looking at her differently, his eyes sad and pitying. Fuck. A fucking horrible silence fell and I closed my eyes tightly, anticipating what she was going to do.

'I knew I couldn't fucking trust you'


	32. Chapter 32

'Peyton?' I pulled a t-shirt over my head, before turning to face him.

'Just stay the fuck away from me'

'Please-'

'No- go play with your fucking family' I scowled. He'd not come to bed last night, mainly because I'd barked at him to leave me alone and I still didn't want to be in the same room as him. If it was up to me, we wouldn't be in the same time zone right now. But I had no money and our flight wasn't until late tomorrow afternoon.

'I'm sorry- I didn't mean to' He suddenly begged, sinking onto the floor in front of me. I was a little taken aback by the desperation in his voice and when his arms suddenly wrapped around my legs. I looked down at him, I didn't want to hear the bastards fucking apologies, I'd let him in and I'd stupidly thought I could trust him. Yet again I was shown that all men are the bloody same, Lucas Scott included. My eyes darted up, I couldn't look into his pleading blue orbs, I wouldn't back down, he couldn't do anything- he'd ruined it.

'On Monday, when we get back to New York, I'm getting my stuff and I'm leaving your place and you're never going to see me again'

'No Peyton' He whined desperately, his hands crept up my legs at a rapid speed, groping me closer, burying his face into my waist. 'No...I won't let you' I blinked back the tears that were forming and took a shaky breath. 'You can't, I just... it came out, I had to tell someone baby, you don't understand how hard this is for me...Peyton?'

'I'm not going to be a fucking burden Lucas, I'm not. You don't have to even worry about me anymore, I knew the second you walked back into my life I should've walked away' I was mumbling to myself now.

'You're not a burden, you're not' He shook his head against me before craning his neck up, his hands blindly pulling on my crossed arms, demanding I look at him. 'You-are-not-a-burden.' I held his gaze for a long time. Since we'd got together I'd caused him nothing but pain and trouble. I felt betrayed that he'd had the fucking nerve to talk to Nate about me but at the same time I could hardly blame him; I was the one that'd put him through hell. 'You said you loved me' He blurted like that determined the outcome of this meaningless conversation. It didn't. I'd made my mind up. I wouldn't be his problem anymore. 'You love me'

'And that's why I have to go.' I deadpanned.

'You're talking a load of shit, do you know that?' He scrambled up my stiff body to his feet, now an intimidating few inches taller than myself.

'I've mucked your life up over the last few months-'

'No, you've fixed me.' His hands restlessly ran up and down my arms like they absolutely had to touch me. 'Did you know I couldn't write anymore?' I looked at him blankly, whatever the fuck he was talking about, I didn't know. 'I...I've had writers block for the last couple of years now Peyton, I haven't written a book since I was with you, I keep making promise after promise to my editors and only let them down but, but since I met you again I've started, I've started again' He finally took a breath, a look of delight on his face, like he'd been scared to tell anyone in case it ruined his creative flow. I sure as hell hadn't noticed him doing any work whilst I'd been in the house, but I guess that's what you get when you're high on coke and trying to get clean. I'm not the most observant of people 'You make everything make sense.' His fidgety hands were on my face now, tilting my head up to him. 'I know our relationship is always going to be hard and confusing but we make sense Peyton, we do' He was the one talking shit, not me. I shook my head.

'You broke a promise, now I have to leave with all of them knowing'

'Nate won't tell anyone, he promised, I swear' I pushed his palms away from my face and turned around.

'I won't tell anyone, if that's what you want' My stomach flipped at his fucking voice, my head spinning to face him. Nathan Scott. 'I won't tell Hales or Brooke' I was touched, he'd learnt long ago never to lie to Haley James Scott, but he was willing to do so for me. I swallowed thickly. 'Just tell me one thing... Why? What happened for you to do _that? _For you to do _that_ to yourself. You had so much integrity and independence and self respect...I just, I don't understand' He could barely look at me. He was disgusted.

'No you don't understand' I agreed calmly, licking my dry lips.

'Nate' Lucas sighed out, eying the door and gesturing for him to leave us. I felt trapped, I hated this interrogation I was being put through.

'Did someone force you to?' Nathan pried, he couldn't help himself, he couldn't possibly understand how this had happened. 'What happened?' Life is what fucking happened.

'Don't fucking judge me Nathan' I pleaded quietly, not giving him any more time to pose more questions. I hastily made my way out of the room, determined not to let his pitiful eyes get to me. I wouldn't.

'P Sawyer we're taking you on a girls night out before we all have to go back to our boring lives.' Brooke shrieked, standing upon me entering the living room. I smiled slightly, trying to disguise the tears I knew were daring to fall. They were both dressed up and ready for dancing. I swallowed.

'That's if you want to?' Haley added, eyebrows raised expectantly. I was surprised to say the least, they blatantly didn't know about my secret other life.

'Well, I...I guess' I gave a hesitant nod. I sure as hell didn't feel like being babysat all night by both Lucas or Nathan, I couldn't handle it, so why not? Anyway, it would be interesting to see how the nightlife in tree hill had changed since my high school days and I really could use a night out to numb my mind with alcohol.

'Yay' Brooke chanted 'Go put something hot on' She demanded.

'What's all the noise?' Lucas queried from the doorway. Christ he was like a dog following me around. I looked down, his eyes were on me as usual.

'We're stealing Miss Sawyer for the night' Brooke smirked. An immediate frown appeared on his pretty face.

'What?'

'We're going to take Peyton out on the town, for old times sake, before we all have to get back to our hectic lives' Haley clarified. His eyes were still focused on me, staring at me accusingly. I hated that look. I felt like a five year old about to be punished.

'Why don't we all just stay in' He coughed uneasily, his eyes skipping from their two excited faces, excluding me from the conversation. Of course I didn't get a say in what I wanted to do.

'Lucas Scott, I never tagged you as the possessive boyfriend' Haley frowned playfully.

'I'm not- I just-'

'Good' Brooke smirked. 'P Sawyer scoot- go get ready' I nodded, a provoking smile on my face as I past him to go get changed, knowing full well that he didn't want me to go. The words were on the tip of his tongue, his fingers bawling into fists as I exited, using all his willpower not to stop me.

I hesitantly walked into his room, thankful to find Nathan no longer there. I looked through the suitcase that was stuffed with our clothes, mine mostly brand new items that he'd picked out for me before we left. These clothes in there self were like a luxury to me. These were the clothes I'd find myself peering at through the large windows of high end stores. I slid out of my jeans, sliding on some black tights before kneeling on the floor and stroking my hand over a black skirt, my eyes on the tag- Hoes over Bros. It was a Brooke Davis design. I smiled lightly. She really was amazing, she'd accomplished everything she'd set out to do at the mere age of twenty three. I pulled it over my skinny legs and slid on a pale blue blouse that I'd fallen in love with the second I'd seen it- another one of her master pieces. It didn't take long for me to get ready; I'd become an expert at the whole make up thing over the years and I was use to my hair being an untamed mess. I just clipped a few curls back on one side and I was ready, the only problem being I had no money and that's when I saw it. His wallet, my eyes lingering on it for several minutes. I'd come to see that money was definitely not an issue for Lucas, he didn't understand what it was like to have nothing. I laced my finger over the brown leather, my heart thumping.

'What are you doing?' I froze. 'You're stealing from me now?'

'No I, No...I don't have any money and I need some for -'

'You're not going out' He shook his head. 'You're not ready' His begging and pleading for my forgiveness had quickly ended, he was now back to playing parent.

'You don't fucking know what I am and aren't ready for Lucas.'

He abruptly snatched his wallet from my money grabbing hands. 'Fine, that's fine. Don't listen to me, but you sure as hell aren't having any of my money'

* * *

'Brooke the bartender was so checking you out' Haley exclaimed as we filed into the girls toilets. We'd had two shots and they were already in high spirits. Brooke smirked, rubbing her lips together.

'I know' She chimed confidently. 'He's so hot and I'm so hot which equals a whole lot of hotness' I rolled my eyes, it really was like we were eighteen again. I stared at my reflection in the mirror. There was a time when I'd have been joining in with their light hearted conversation but now, I was different and wasn't in the slightest bit interested in how fine the bartender was. I'm sure Luke would be pissed off to find the no money thing wasn't proving a problem, Brooke was happily getting in the rounds. We'd left Karen Roe's house a mere hour ago much to his dismay. I smirked indifferently; for the first time since I'd been living with him I'd got my own way and it felt good. I had every intention to let myself indulge in the alcohol that was at my fingertips. To tell you the truth, my mind was on a more satisfying drug and I was itching for it. Maybe it was the environment I was in, I'd coped pretty well the last few days, if I do say so myself. But like Lucas kept reminding me- the temptation was still there and I was fighting with every bone in my body to not abandon Miss Scott and Miss Davis to go find the small group of people I'd noticed when we'd come in search of the girls room. I'd only had to take one look at them to know exactly what they were doing. I guess over the years I'd come accustomed to my new life and it was hard to automatically fall back into a person I once was, I wasn't comfortable being old Peyton. I wasn't a prim and proper perfect little wife and a top end multi-millionaire fashion mogul. I smiled at the thought. If you'd told me three months ago that I'd be standing here in Tric, in Tree Hill, in the girls toilets with two friends I'd grown up with in High School I think I would have laughed in your face. It wasn't that I didn't like them. I do, especially Brooke, I'll always hold a special place for her in my heart I just feel so disconnected to them. A loud girly giggle sounded from the cubical both Brooke and Haley had disappeared into at least fifteen minutes ago and I was pulled from my daze. The door opened with a large bash. 'Hey best friend' Brooke smiled, reaching for my hand, I obliged and smiled softly. I couldn't deny it felt good to be called that. 'We need more drinks- come on girlys'


	33. Chapter 33

I sank into the chair, sitting for the first time in twelve hours. Head in hands, I took a well anticipated breath. It hadn't been a good day to say the least, in fact it had been shit. Peyton had been right all along, I should never have even considered bringing her back here, lets face it, Tree Hill and Peyton Sawyer did not mix well. It was the twenty seventh of December, Christmas was over and in twelve hours I was meant to be boarding a plane to New York. I wearily rubbed my aching neck, my eyes focusing on the ticking clock on the far wall. My eyes slowly fell back to the bed where she was laying on her front, motionless, unconscious to the world in nothing but her underwear. I took a long drag of my ciggy, gazing at her before slowly exhaling a puff of smoke. I longed to go back in time, to have my sisters innocence again. To her the world was an exciting, magical place. I could remember what it felt like to believe, to have something to believe in. That warm feeling you got in the pit of your stomach that travelled through every vein in your body. A sense of hope that you'd always have something to cling onto. Peyton Sawyer had given me that feeling in the past few months, at least she did until about five hours ago, I was anything but happy right now and I was struggling to find that faith I had in my love for her. She'd hurt me tonight, in the worst possible way.

Her head abruptly shot up. I stood immediately and grabbed the bucket, the bucket she'd already been sick into so many times that I'd lost count. 'Here we go' I reached her just in time, holding her curls back and rubbing her back, cringing as her whole body shook.

**12 hours earlier**

'Hales slow down' I breathed into the phone. 'What's wrong?'

'Peyton'

I closed my eyes tightly, dropping onto the bed and bracing myself for her next words. I knew I shouldn't have let her go out. It was too soon. The temptation was still there, she couldn't be trusted. 'What?'

'We're trying to leave but she, she's sat at a table with a load of randomers, they don't look like good news Luke, I'm worried and Brooke's tried getting her to come with us but she, she's a little out of it. I don't know what to-'

'I'll be right there' I snapped my phone shut. My heart was racing at an unhealthy rate. I really could do without this.

* * *

'Where is she?' I demanded angrily as soon as I finally found a concerned Brooke and Haley. 'Haley?'

'She, she went out back with someone-'

'What?' My eyes darted from her to Brooke. I'd not even wanted her to go out, I knew it wasn't a good idea and yet I knew I could trust Haley and Brooke to look after her, well I thought I could. 'And you just let her?' I snapped, I felt like I was telling off two underage teenage girls for sneaking their way into a club, but I couldn't help myself.

Brooke narrowed her eyes dangerously. 'You think we welcomed the idea? We tried to stop her but she wasn't willing to listen. She's completely wasted'

I swallowed, clenching my jaw, hoping that all she'd managed to get her hands on was indeed alcohol. 'I knew it was too fucking soon' without another word, I was forcing my way through a buzzing load of party goers. My steps were getting faster and faster, until I finally reached a double door, letting myself through to a short corridor. It didn't take me long to come across a door that was a jar. My heart racing, I slowly pushed it open. I temporarily froze in the doorway, truly sickened by the sight before me. Her top was hanging open and the fucking stoner's mouth was currently on hers. Her skirt hiked up around her waist, her tights, thankfully still on but his fucking hands were snaking underneath the thin material, cupping her ass. I was unable to tear my eyes away, watching as she rolled her hips forward, watching as he crudely licked down her neck and she threw her head back, a throaty groan escaped his grimy mouth. I couldn't move. My mind was reeling. It wasn't until his rough hands began ripping her tights down that I snapped out my horrified daze. In two strides, I'd reached her, swiftly yanking her off of the fucking bastard. She gasped, her pupils huge as she attempted to focus on me. It was in that second that I knew indefinitely that she was on more than fucking alcohol.

'Luke'

I shoved her, a little harder than necessary, toward the door, where Haley and Brooke were standing, apparently they'd followed me. They both were looking completely disgusted by their friend's behaviour.

'Luke'

'Just go with them' I ordered, my eyes staring at the waster in front of me.

'Pl-'

'Now'

I heard Brooke's raspy voice, calmly encouraging her to go with them, kindly telling her everything would be ok, despite the situation, a second later the door closed.

'Wait that bitch owes me money'

I couldn't help myself, my fist was colliding with his face.

'Fuck, what's your problem dude?'

'My problem _dude, _is that you just had your fucking hands on my girlfriend'

'Man, it's not my fucking fault she wanted some action-'

'What did you give her?' I demanded.

'Nothing' Wrong answer, I punched him again. 'Fuck'

'What did you give her?' I knew she didn't have any money and I knew she'd taken something, so I'd come to my own obvious conclusions. It scared me so fucking much of how quickly she managed to revert to her old ways. I knew if I hadn't walked in when I had, she would have fucked this guy.

'She, she had a few lines is all' He groaned, his hand wiping his bloody nose. My teeth clenched, I hit him again, taking all my anger and frustration out on this low life. I knew it wasn't just his fault but right now, as far as I was concerned, this guy had caused her to relapse and he was going to pay. I swung punch after punch until my face was red and I was sweating and he was a blubbering mess. 'Don't you ever, ever touch her again' I growled, before turning and hurrying out of the small room, before I did any serious damage.

'Where is she?' I ordered, my eyes wide as I approached Brooke and Haley.

'She ran off, Haley snapped at her' I pinched the bridge of my nose. 'Luke what's going on with her?' Brooke pleaded.

'She's a bitch, is what we've learned so far tonight' Haley concluded. 'I can't believe she's done this to you'

'Don't talk about her like that' I sighed, don't get me wrong- I knew Hales was right on some level. I'd never been more hurt or livid but there was so much more to her actions than either of them could get their heads round. 'You don't know the half of it Hales'

'Well tell us' Brooke groaned.

'Look, I just need to find her right now'.

Brooke folded her arms, unimpressed by my refusal to talk. She contemplated me for a few long minutes before exhaling heavily. 'She's Peyton, she's upset, she's probably gone to her mum's grave'

* * *

'Mum I'm sorry, I'm so sorry' I listened to her choke on her sobs, my heart pounding sadly with her every cry. Her high heel shoes had been abandoned a couple of meters away, her bag and it's contents scattered nearby. I hesitantly stepped forward, watching her hysterically tug at the over grown weeds that knitted their way around the headstone.

'Peyton'

She was oblivious to my presence and continued to yank the long grass away, her fingers muddy and shaking. 'I'm s.s.sorry mum' I slowly knelt down behind her, placing my hands on either arm, steadying her frenzied movements. She let out a wail at the sudden contact, pressing her forehead against the cool stone.

'Shhhh' I rubbed my warm hands up and down her quivering, goose pimple covered arms, trying to soothe her sobs.

'Get a..away' She managed breathlessly. But I wasn't going to get away. I sat back on the floor, bringing her back onto my lap, holding her head to my chest.

'Shhh baby, it's alright' I trailed my forefinger over her trembling lips. Christ she's fucking beautiful, albeit a mess, but with the moonlight shining down on her blonde hair, her locks golden, her eyes glistening with tears, she's a fucking beautiful mess. 'It's alright, it's ok to cry' She needed this, she needed to let it all out, it was for the best, although hard to watch.

'Luke, I, I can't do it anymore, I want, want it all to stop'

My eyes narrowed and a sudden heat arose within me, my stomach tightening. 'Don't say that, things are going to get better baby'

'No' She sniffled, relentless tears trailing down her flawless features. 'No it's not, you, you can't fix me' I gripped her face with a terrifying force, my heart fluttering.

'I know' That realisation had hit me earlier this evening, she was past me saving her, she needed professional help. 'But other people can'

She shook her head, her unstable form, scrambling from my lap and shifting closer to her mothers headstone. 'I don't want to do it any more' She uncurled her fist but I couldn't see what she had from where I was sat. My heart stopped as I crawled forward, in one hand she now had an empty pot in the other a handful of white pills. 'What're you doing?' I demanded anything but calmly 'Peyton' I lurched forward, gripping her arm with such force, stopping the pills from entering her mouth

'Just let me' She struggled furiously, causing them to scatter everywhere. My own tears began to cloud my vision, struggling to stay calm.

'What the fuck Peyton' I haphazardly pulled her a safe distance from her mothers grave, holding her tightly. 'Don't you do that- don't you ever do that' I shouted dementedly. 'Where'd you get these?' I studied the pot- painkillers. I didn't get a response. 'I need you Peyton, I need you. Don't be so fucking selfish. You can't leave me, I need you'

**Now**

'Lucas?' She mumbled, waking me from the light sleep I'd fallen into. I shuffled upright, sitting.

'Are you going to be sick again?' I questioned wearily, already reaching for the prepared bucket.

'No' she grabbed my hand, shaking her head wearily. 'I'm not going to be sick'

'What is it?' I ran my hand over her clammy forehead, tiresomely.

'I'm sorry.' She closed her eyes tightly, turning onto her side and entwining her bare leg with mine and laying her head on my chest.

'I'm sorry' She repeated. I rubbed her back.

'Me too' I'd nearly lost her tonight and I felt responsible. I was terrified at even comprehending losing her. I'd made a decision, a decision I should have made a long time ago. I was going to get her professional help. Whether she wanted to or not, tomorrow morning, Peyton Sawyer would be booking into a rehab facility.


	34. Chapter 34

_Ok guys and girls, sorry for the long wait. I've had loads of exams but I'm completely finished school now!! Yay! But the main reason it's taken so long is because this is going to be the last chapter and I wasn't sure how I wanted to end it. I've already decided to make a sequel so I guess it's not really the end- just the end of this part of the story. There's going to be a bit of a time jump in the next one but I've only just started so don't expect anything soon! I just wanted to thank you amazing people for all the support because it makes it all a whole lot more fun and worth while so thank you!!_

_Oh and in the meantime while you're all waiting for the sequel, check out my new story- Love, Trust & Betrayal _

_Anyways on with the story..._

**We are each of us angels with only one wing, and we can only fly by embracing one another - Luciano de Crescenzo**

_Peyton's Pov_

I woke up feeling absolutely terrible and disorientated. It took me ten minutes to realise I wasn't in some strangers bed but in Lucas Scott's bedroom. My head was throbbing, I winced as I shuffled further down in the warmth of the bed, throwing the sheets off me- I was boiling. 'Are you ok?' The gruff voice took me by surprise. Maybe I wasn't in Luke's house, maybe I'd imagined it. Maybe I was with a stranger. I shut my eyes tight, hesitantly letting my hand trail clumsily down my body, discovering my underwear still intact didn't bring much comfort. Snippets from the previous night were flashing through my mind. I could remember a man- I could remember his hands all over me. 'Peyton?' I shook my head, refusing to open my eyes. A cool hand brushed up my arm and I flung my sore limbs in every direction.

'No'

'Peyton'

'No'

'Peyton it's Nathan' My eyes snapped open, immediately trying to focus on the towering figure. 'It's ok. Lucas has gone out- he'll be back soon. He asked me to stay with you'

I closed my eyes again. Sleep seemed more than appealing. It was ok. Nathan. It was Nathan.

* * *

_Lucas' Pov_

'Hello Mr Scott'

'Please, it's Lucas, it's good to meet you Doctor Rosenfelt'

'You too, Ok well take a seat Lucas. I need to go over a few things with you' The man looked through some papers on his desk. I'd been on the phone all morning and managed to get all the necessary paperwork- including medical records 'You're doing the right thing Lucas, she'll get the help she needs here, it will be the start of a better life for her and you. We don't judge our patients, our aim is to help them not only with their addictions, but their emotional state of mind.'

'How, how long will she be here for?'

'Well initially we say about four weeks. It won't take long to get her off the cocaine but as you can guess it's not as simple as that, she's going to need counselling to get to the bottom of all her other issues. In the first week we require you to make no contact with her- you can talk to us at anytime and we can feel you in on her progress and talk you through her recovery but Peyton won't be allowed any phone calls or visitations. After the first week period she can call you if she wants but quite often patients tend to isolate themselves and not want to speak to family or friends. In the week you're free to come visit and we encourage patients to talk to family and they become greatly involved with the final part of recovery.'

All I could do was nod. I hated the thought of locking her up, I didn't want her to feel like I was controlling her. I didn't want to be like all the other men. But this was different. I was controlling her in order to help her. It was a whole lot different. I'd been on the phone with Doctor Rosenfelt for over an hour this morning, talking through Peyton's situation. This was the most expensive, professional clinic in the whole of North Carolina and it wasn't to far from Tree Hill.

'Will, will you have someone watching her all the time? It, it's just I'm worried she...' I pinched the bridge of my nose. I needed her to be under twenty four hour survellience after last night, I was terrified of what she'd do given the chance.

'Would you say she's suicidal?'

'Well- she, she said she wanted it all to end last night' I shook as I spoke. 'She tried to...'

'She'll be on suicidal watch Lucas' He reassured. 'And don't forget you can call at anytime to talk to me or any of the other staff here. We're her to support you to'

'Thanks' His words gave me some confidence. 'Well I better get back'

'Ok, we'll see you later this afternoon then?'

'Yes' Now all I had to do was go tell her where I'd been all morning.

* * *

'Hey sleepy head...how're you feeling?' She blinked several times, rolling onto her back.

'Er, I've been better'

I nodded glumly, grabbing one of my t-shirts that was hanging over the end of the bed. 'Here, lets put this on you' I helped her sit, sliding the navy blue cotton over her skinny form. 'Peyton?'

'Mm?' She fell back against the feather pillows.

'I've, I've been out this morning'

'I know, I woke up and you'd gone- Nathan was here'

'Yes I-'

'Does your mum know about last night?'

I raised my brow. 'Er no' She let out a sigh of relief. It still stunned me that she didn't care about anything or anyone and yet my mother's approval meant everything. 'Peyton?' She looked at me expectantly. 'I, I wasn't here because I was-I went to visit a rehabilitation centre' Her eyes widened, her brow knitted together with confusion.

'Why, why would you be doing that?'

'I think you know why'

She rubbed her dry lips together and shook her head. 'No, no I don't Lucas'

'Peyton you need help'

'Last night was an accident, I'm sorry, it won't happen again'

'Yes it will, it's only going to keep happening. You need more help than I alone can give you, you need professional help Peyton and not just for your drug addiction.'

'I'm not crazy.'

'No' I agreed, she definitely wasn't crazy. 'You're just broken, the world has been cruel to you Peyton Sawyer'

'Fuck you'

I let go of her hand, rubbing the back of my neck. 'It's a really nice place- the doctors and nurses seem really friendly'

'Fuck you' she seethed. 'I'm not going anywhere- you can't make me Lucas- I'm not a child, you don't own me'

'Peyton I'm taking you there this afternoon- they'll asses you and if they find reasons to hold you they will- if not you'll be free to go'

'There's nothing fucking wrong with me Lucas'

'Then you have nothing to worry about- in twenty four hours you'll be free to do as you please'

'Luke you have no right-' She scrambled onto her knees.

'I love you, I have every right' My words stifled her complaints and she looked at me fearfully.

She was quiet, her hands fiddling restlessly with the cotton of the over sized shirt I'd just put her in 'I just want to be happy... I've forgotten what that's like' She whispered.

I gulped back the lump rising in my throat. 'You will be, we will be.' I nodded confidently. 'I'm going to get your things together and then we'll leave ok?' I rubbed her clammy hand.

'Wait, I, what are you going to tell them all?'

'Nothing yet- but the truth at some point' She sniffled, blinking back the relentless tears. 'These people are your family now Peyton- they have the right to know and you need their help. I'm going to tell them everything' I stated.

She nodded again. It was weird to have her agreeing with me so easily- she'd lost the will to keep fighting me. Last night was the final straw, it had been a cry for help, help she was going to get.

* * *

_Peyton's Pov_

I was so used to being told what to do that it didn't take me long to give in. He'd made up his mind- he was going to take me here by force if I didn't come willingly. But as we approached the facility I was suddenly overcome with fear. I couldn't be here, alone, with a bunch of strangers. So what if I like to do cocaine once in while, it's no big deal, I don't need help. I'm not crazy. 'Luke'

'It's alright' He promised, reaching for my hand and squeezing. It wasn't alright.

'No, I, please don't do this to me' I begged pathetically, abruptly tugging my seat belt away from my small frame. I needed to get out. The click of the door locking resounded in my ears.

'Peyton sit down' He demanded gently. 'There's no where to go, I've locked the doors so just sit down'

'Let me out- I swear I'll be good Luke, I'll be good. I'll do whatever you want. There's nothing wrong with me'.

'We talked about this. They're going to help you get better'

'There's nothing wrong with me'

'Baby' He cooed. 'It won't be long before we're together again, I promise'

'No' I choked out, unable to contain the bitter tears. 'Please Lucas'

'Shh' he reached for my hand again, stroking circles.

'I hate you' I quickly lost my patience, the crying wasn't helping, he wasn't giving in. 'You think you're so special. I don't need your help.'

'Baby-'

'I'm not your baby. I'm not your anything. I'm a slut'

'Stop it'

'No- last night- what you saw- that's who I am, that's what I do Lucas'

'No it's not'

'Yes' I was determined to make him hate me, make him not care. 'You can't get it out of your head can you- his hands were all over me Luke, his mouth on mine and it felt so good, sooo good'

'Stop it' He snapped, pulling the car over to the side of the road. A red flush was rapidly creeping up his cheeks. 'I love you'

'I don't love you'

'Yes you do, you do'

'No' I snickered. 'Didn't last night show you that'

'Just fucking stop' He shouted, shaking my shoulders now, fury bubbling in his normal blue eyes. 'I know you're angry' He breathed. 'I know you're scared but I'm doing this for you, I'm not abandoning you and I know in your heart that you know what I'm doing is for the best. I know it's scary, I don't want to be away from you but you need to do this, if you can't do it for yourself do it for me' His angry tone was now gone, replaced with nothing but care and love. 'It will be ok' I was suddenly very much aware of the tears making tracks on my cheeks. His thumb gently brushed them away, his lips following- kissing my eye lids my forehead, my cheek, my nose, my lips. 'Today is a new beginning for the both of us Peyton. Every thing's going to be better. We're going to be together when you come out- you're going to get better. We're going to be a proper couple- we'll go on dates, we'll go on holidays together, maybe one day we'll get married and have kids even' He rambled, his forehead pressed against my clammy face. 'But in order for that to happen you have to do this'

'We, we can never have that' I whispered softly.

'Yes, yes we can'

'I'll never be good enough Lucas, you deserve so much more'

'I want you- I need you, you're more than I deserve' He pressed a tender kiss to my lips, his tongue darting over mine in a brief battle of wills. 'You're more than I deserve, you're all I want' He murmured, gently pulling away, my face still cupped in his large hands.

'There's so much you don't know Luke' He needed to know about all the awful things I'd done, what a bad person I truly am.

'I know- but it won't change anything- you don't need to tell me anything but if you need to I'll listen and we'll work through it together. These people, they're going to help you deal with everything. They can help you more than I can Peyton and when you're ready to leave we'll face the rest together. Ok?'

I closed my eyes, taking deep shallow breaths. 'I'm scared'

'I know-'

'No, no you don't.'

He was quiet, his hand loosely threaded with my own. 'Ok, I guess you're right. I don't know what you're feeling or what you're thinking. I use to. I use to be able to read you like a book...' He trailed off.

'I'm not that Peyton Lucas and, and you need to realise that. Even, even if I do this, when I come out- I'm not going to automatically be that girl you fell in love with, I'm not'

He nodded grimly. 'I get that and it's going to take time for me to completely accept it, but I know that I'm in love with you Peyton-'

'You're in love with a girl you met in high school, your in love with a care free, music obsessed teenager.'

'No. I'm in love with you now' He stressed. 'Your still Peyton Sawyer, you might not be the best version of yourself right now but you can be'

'No-'

'Will you just quit arguing' He exhaled heavily, parting our sweaty hands and starting up the car again. 'It's just up here' He mumbled, pulling back onto the road. I didn't mutter another word. I pulled down the window, letting the cool air blow against my tired face, basking in the glow of the late afternoon sun, in my last moments of freedom.

* * *

_Lucas' Pov_

She'd not fort me as we'd got out of the car but had refused to move up the steps to the grand house, I'd taken her wrist and only then had her legs reluctantly began moving. 'Hi again Lucas' Doctor Rosenfelt greeted at the reception.

'Hi' I offered the best smile I could muster, considering the circumstances. 'This is Peyton'

'Hello, it's good to meet you Peyton. I'm Doctor Rosenfelt'

Her eyes were hollow, devoid of emotion. Her body rigid, pushing against my hand that was securely on her back.

'Why don't I get Sarah to show you, your room?'

Of course she didn't respond. 'That's great' I nodded, urging her forward.

'Sarah, can you show Miss Sawyer where she'll be staying.'

'Sure' The young girl smiled warmly, leading us off down one of the many corridors. 'Here we are- I'll let you say your goodbyes and then Doctor Rosenfelt will go over the programme with you Peyton' Sarah explained, nodding toward me before she left.

'It's er, it's nice- the room- huh?' I mumbled. She sunk onto the single bed, her eyes downcast. 'You're in the best facility in tree hill Peyt- I promise they'll take care of you' A silence fell. I couldn't bare it. I suddenly rushed over to her. 'I promise it'll be ok Peyton- I promise, please try'. She laid back avoiding my eyes. I lent over her, I needed to feel her lips under mine once more before our departure, I needed to know she still loved me. My heart sunk as she rolled over, dodging the kiss. I swallowed, nodding dully to myself- it was to be expected, she'd hate me at first but she'd soon come round. Things would be different in a few months. 'I'm, I'm going to go now' I brushed my hand over her golden hair. 'Goodbye Peyton- I'll see you soon' She didn't acknowledge my farewell. 'Time will fly by' I was reassuring myself rather than her at this point. I edged to the door.

'We'll take good care of her' Sarah appeared.

Again I nodded glumly. 'Bye Peyt, I love you'

**We are each of us angels with only one wing, and we can only fly by embracing one another. **


End file.
